Felt so positive right after surgery, but then complications & re-admittance to hospital have meant I don't feel quite as 'on the road to recovery' as I'd expected. Finding it hard some days also to deal with the pain. It's almost much harder than I thought emotionally. I'm crying very easily over nothing.
It feels like when I'm in bed, I'm wishing it to be morning, so I will have just got through the pain of another night. I can just about make it through the morning & early afternoon before I start thinking I can't wait to take my evening pain killers, get into bed, & hopefully sleep so I've got through another day.
Plus nights are always harder, as you feel so alone, & often lay there with just your own thoughts for company.
My husband hates it when I'm tearful as he feels so helpless, that he just wants to cheer me up all the time & encourage me, which is brilliant I know, but sometimes I think you just need to cry, allow a teeny bit of self-pity out, before you pull it all together again, & put on your 'brave' face again...
I also thought that once I was home I'd hear from my friends a little more. Don't get me wrong they comment every now & then on my Facebook page, & I know they are thinking of me, but a few I know are def keeping their distance. Maybe it's my own fault as I've been fairly honest & open, & journal most days through my Facebook, which is my way of coping, but it would be nice to get more personal messages, or contact from them.
Maybe I'm just expecting too much. Sorry, obviously needed a bit of a rant. I know (& appreciate) that I'm more fortunate than most, but that doesn't make this journey any easier.
I take hope from all your stories of where you are now, & know this will all be a distant memory sooner than I know. I just have to find some patience... xxx