vent.. im sorry

i know this is not the place to post this to, but this is where I'm very comfortable.. I was diagnosed with stage 3b clear cell ovarian cancer august 22. had a big surgery to remove my tumor around the end if july. i needed to fight and needed motivation to do so, I held onto my husband. my husband and I were 10 yrs together, 1 year married, I got married last year.. I just found out yesterday that he was having an affair, the whole time I was in so much pain around august-sept. he was having an affair. oh and I forgot to say he had to leave after marriage to work, he is in another country right now. I just can't, I don't know what to do, I don't want to be with him yet i want to be with him still. I'm even crying ny eyes out right now. how could some people be so cruel.. so, so cruel, he said he wants to fix everything and that he only did it once because he was drunk, i'm deeply hurt like I don't want to fight for my life anymore🙁 I'm truly sorry for posting this here and is not appropriate i'll delete it soon..

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21 Replies

  • Hi there so sorry you are having to cope with this as well as your cancer understandable you are heartbroken

    Not making excuses for your husband as what he did was so wrong but you said he was drunk and it was around when you were first diagnosed

    I know the news of a cancer diagnosis affects people differently some husbands step up and are rocks for their wives I have heard of cases were partners have left because they can't cope with it question is could you forgive him and move on ten years is a long time to lose could it have been the stress getting to him only you can make these decisions but don't you give up fighting this disease

    Hope you can sort things out sending you big hugs x

  • Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry to read this. You have done nothing wrong and we all understand healthwise what you are going through at this time. Coping with all that's been thrown at you, means you are a strong person and as you travel along your journey you will get stronger. Tell yourself that now, if you can get through having cancer, then you will get through anything. You certainly don't need or deserve what your husband has been doing. Show him what a strong person you are. I hope you have some family and friends who will be there to support you and listen to you when you want to vent your feelings. Everyone on here will be here to support you and you can write whatever you like if it helps to get it off your chest. Take care and sending you lots of caring hugs and love from Gilly xxx

  • Don't give up...this is really hard but it will pass, you'll come through stronger... Love yourself now xx Lyndall

  • Well I am really sorry about your marriage. How did you find out yesterday if he is now presently away? For the moment, you take care of you. look after yourself, eat well have your treatment. For now there is nothing much you else can do until your husband comes back from his job. Take a step back and think what would you advise a friend in the same situation

  • the woman he had an affair with texted me, i dont know how she got my number then she sent ne pictures if them and screenshots of messages..

  • Oh my goodness, what a b/(c£. She is obviously trying very hard to stir things but what an incredibly shocking thing to do. You must have had such a shock and felt absolutely powerless at the time. It seems to me from her wicked action that he probably has said to her "it's over". You need to take time to process how you feel, however you are going through so so much at the moment so try to put yourself and your health first.

    Sending you lots of virtual hugs and positive thoughts

    Clare xx

  • Please please also block her mobile phone number, don't be tempted to text her and by blocking her you know that she can't contact you again. Just my opinion though xx

  • well if she did that to you while you are on treatment she is a right wagon that is all I can say, block her number and you make you a priority at the moment. I hope you have some good friends and family to call on. You are number one at the moment and mind yourself

  • Hi Hgeroka, I am glad you feel comfortable on this site. Please don't feel bad about sharing you feelings.

    Finding out your husband has been having an affair is bad enough but also dealing with oc at the same time must be horribly.

    I hope you have close family & friends that can support you.

    I am sure the ladies on here will give their support & advice. I want to give you a big hug take care Cindyxx

  • This disease we all are dealing with is vicious. The shock news of the diagnosis is devastating and, if you read stats, not a good prognosis (albeit the figures are improving all the time due to our treatments, strength and earlier diagnosis). We, as the cancer patients are on one hell of a rollercoaster, as you all know, but we are being cared for. Our partners, husbands and family are along for the ride with us but they don't have the care we do and, I feel, are sometimes overlooked, they too are traumatised and are helpless to do anything. I am in no way excusing what your husband has done and his timing is diabolical but if, as he says, he was drunk his reasoning had gone and he may have sought solace. The woman who sent you the text is vicious and her actions are evil, she must know how vulnerable you are, there are many expletives I could write about her but we are ladies and don't sink to gutter language here with our friends and sisters. If you can forgive him and you feel he is truly sorry (you know him better than we do) and you feel your marriage is worth fighting for then do it, it won't be easy but what is? you have just had one of the biggest battles in your life with the oc and prevailed. If you don't think he is truly sorry then you have to move on. Like the other ladies have said, be strong (you truly are), look to the future and please don't give up your fight. Sending you lots of virtual hugs and love and we are here for you anytime you want to rage ❤️ xxx

  • Hi Hgeroka.. First of all please do not worry about venting here. You know the ladies and gents on this site are supportive of everything any one of us is concerned with, and that includes matters of the heart.

    The second thing would be to not do anything rash right now. No one ever makes a good decision when emotions are running high. I know you feel really alone with your husband still away. It's obvious to all of us he must have told the woman to get gone or she would not be contacting you.

    The next step will be to continue to take care of yourself. Your health is number one and focus as much as you can on that. Talk to the people close to you, even your Dr if you feel the stress is affecting your recovery. I feel so very sad for you and hope all works out. Be strong and brave. They don't call us Teal Warriors for nothing!

  • I am so sorry to hear this. My husband reacted appallingly after my first Chemo, completely out of character and he is a very strong person. We did get through it though it wasnt easy. I'm not trying to excuse your husbands actions but the most important thing right now is YOU. YOU matter and the hurt you are feeling makes this all even harder but we will support you and so will your family and friends. Try to take a day at a time, your life is worth fighting for. I think a talk to a Counsellor or your GP might be a good idea? You need some extra support and kindness. Lots of love,Claire xxx

  • Hi, I totally unewsstand the pain you are going through. My ex did something similar to me after I was diagnosed. we had been together 16 years.

    What matters most now is you and your health. focus all of your energy on getting better draw your strength from the family and friends who love and care for you most. Give yourself some space and distance from your husband while you recover don't make any decisions about your future together right now .

    Yes he has been stupid and hurtful and there is no excuse not even being drunk.Don't let what he has done dominate your life now. focus on you and getting on with your treatment and it will get easier.

    Sending you huge hugs we are all there with you in your pocket holding your hand and you can always come here for support.

  • Dear Hgeroka, I am reaching out to you too. What a dreadful mess. The people who we love best should gather around at these times - in sickness and in health from what I remember from my marriage vows. But our loved ones are human and scared and flawed (just like us).

    Please don't give up on your ovarian treatment fight. I suspect you are having chemo or may start chemo? Your body and mind need to focus on this and find the strength to do complete treatment. You Mustn't give up now.

    Can your husband fly home and talk with you face to face? I appreciate he works away from home and will need to head away again but these problems need to be discussed in person not over Skype or text. This woman is nasty piece of work. The only reason I can see for her vicious action is that your husband regretted his 1 night stand and wanted nothing further to do with her.

    I'm not excusing your husband but he needs to return and explain to you.

    Then you need to remember your health is more important than this. I don't know whether you will choose to forgive and move on but please don't stop any treatment and give up.

    I also recommend you get referred to some counselling through the hospital. This level of strain - the shock of an ovarian cancer diagnosis and your husbands affair must be overwhelming.

    Love, T. X

  • Hi Hgeroka- First of all I am so sorry you have to deal with this additional stress when you are going through so much with your health. You need to put all your anger towards defeating this cancer for the time being until your husband comes home. Your health is most important. You need all your strength to beat this beast. Men do some odd things when alcohol comes into play. I know first hand! Time will heal your relationship if you choose to continue with this man in your life. I agree with others that your husband must of told the other woman its over or she would not be contacting you. what a weasel!!

    Please don't feel bad about venting here. We are one and so supportive of everything woman!!

    Take Care and keep us posted about you! Stay strong and fight like a girl!!

    Much Love, Carol

  • Hello. Vent all you like as far as I am concerned. We can choose which posts we read and reply to. Only you can decide whether to continue the relationship but we are all human and can make mistakes. Maybe you can love him still and learn to trust him again if he continues to say he wants to 'fix it'. The woman sounds dreadful. Good luck.

  • Oh gosh, I've only just read this and my heart goes out to you hun. What an awful thing to have to face especially with everything you've been through. I agree with some of the others on here, that it sounds this horrible witch of a woman has contacted you because perhaps, she was hoping for something more from your husband, which he wasn't, in fact, willing to give. Nothing excuses what he has done and it does sound like the two of you need to sit down, face to face and confront what's been going on.

    In the meantime, you have already fought a tough would be a shame to waste that because of someone else's selfish act! Be kind to yourself and keep the faith. You deserve so much more. We are all here for you xx

  • Hi there please don't be sorry for venting on here, we all do it from time tori me, I'm so sorry you are going through a horrible time, sending lots of love and hugs to you!!!

    The most important person is you right now, you need your strength to get through all of this's stay strong


  • Big hugs to you. what an arse! (sorry, worse words sprung to mind). whatever you decide to do, do it for you and only you. I hope you find peace x x

  • So SO sorry to hear this. It is extremely difficult to process that someone you are close to can behave so cruelly when you are so vulnerable.

    And yes, the same thing happened to me. 10 years in, I get ovarian cancer and he reignites old flame.

    My reaction was to throw him out and be alone. I could only deal with one thing at a time and healing deserved my energy. It's SO tough and so hard to understand.

    Having the strength to get well is the most important thing.


  • thank you ladies, I've been out awhile, I was trying to sort things out with myself, your messages actually made me cry, I'm so thankful to have seen this site and I want you ladies to know that you are very much appreciated and thanked for being so nice and understanding about one's situation (not only mine but everybody) hugs to all of you ladies and I will pray for all of us to get better and to finally beat this horrible disease (not that I'd beat the crap out of clear cell though) I really hope they find something that works better than chemo to fight this, or maybe better drugs with fewer side effects atleast ❤️👭

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