Still not happy.

[Damelza]

Hello ladies, I had an appointment to see my gynae consultant today. The minute I went into the building something hit me like a ton of bricks.. It' the place I was told I had cancer. It's like I had a delayed reaction or something like that. When Dr .Astbury told me that the tumor was cancerous , I don't think I had any reaction. I didn't cry, I didn't want to cry anyway. I have one more chemo and I am done. Anyway I had a physical exam, and she said everything felt good. My bloods are down a little but not enough to have a transfusion, thankfully.. She said that mt CA 125 was 7... My husband was with me and it's like he won the lottery. There is no evidence of disease.. I want to be happy and delighted at this great news but I am not.. I am just afraid... am I being daft, is there anyone that has/had similar thoughts..

Thanks ladies, gentle hugs to you all

[Annr5h]

I think your having a delayed reaction.

You might feel different tomorrow when you realise you have no more disease and a fantastic CA125.

I felt like you when I was first told that it was gone.

Now get on with living a normal life and building your strength up.

Go out see and meet friends and family and live for today. After all you've been through a lot in the last months.

Enjoy your news that you've been given xxx

[Lyndy]

Hi Damelza

Your description rings lots of bells for me...delayed reaction oh yes!!! Not being able to feel reassured by good news...I suspect it may be similar to PTSD when you just get so used to being in a state of high alert / terror you can't stop.

I am fine most of the time now- working gives me other things to think about .. then just as I drop off to sleep the old feelings grip me again.

Don't know what the answer is really or if this is just the new reality. You may find it eases now you have 'been hit by the bricks'

All the best Lyndall xx

[Sunfleury-UK]

Hi Damalza, it makes perfect sense that you've felt this way.... Be kind to yourself though! I found this writing by Dr Peter Harvey really helpful when I fell on my backside (not literally!) once chemo had finished and I was told NED..... cancercounselling.org.uk/Pe...

Wishing you strength & hope, Sx

[Hidden]

Well done that is a brilliant result, keep well and keep in touch with us all on the site. I hope you are celebrating I know I am a little like you, I will fear the worst but you know it doesnt happen. Sometimes we have to get lucky. Go shopping tomorrow and treat yourself to something nice because you are worth it

[Caroles1]

Hi Demelza,

Read what Sunfluery has sent you, it completely sums up the way I still feel and may touch a nerve and help.

I went on a course and was told as Lyndy said we are all suffering from PTSD and it will take time to get over.

When I was diagnosed I was devastated, then during the op and chemo I was very upbeat and fine, but after being given the all clear, very deflated and even now 19 months after finishing chemo and NED,struggling and worrying about my routine scan this month.

There is nothing wrong with the way you feel,but you may need to get support in your local area.I think this is our "new Normal" as others have said and we need to find ways to deal with it and get on with life.

Now Its your time to plan,do what you want to do,have a holiday and pamper yourself.

Congratulations for getting through,you are a true warrior,now is your time and once you realise the immense battle you have just won, your true self will re emerge, we are here for you and if you want to talk or pm me,feel free

Lots of love,

Carole xxx

[ShamilaS]

Hi,

My mom was told the same today and her reaction was exactly like yours. My siblings and I have been sending each other messages the whole day saying why is she not thrilled!

Your question and everyone's response has explained a lot.

Thank you all you ladies for the support you have given. This forum has been the best thing I have come across since moms daignoses.

Good luck to everyone. Upwards and upwards we will go! Xxx

[HogwartsDK]

Hey Damela!

That is great news but I can understand your reaction too! You have been through the wars and as Lyndy said there is probably an element of PTSD involved too! I had a little wobble when I had my 6 month review on Tuesday for no reason and I am fine again now so when you process the info I am sure you will be able to appreciate the wonderful news you got today!!!

Onwards and UPWARDS and best of luck for your final Chemo!

Dx

[Katmal-UK]

Hi D. weird isnt it.... you should be feeling so happy but you're not. I remember feeling .... deflated I think best sums it up. Angry too. I remember thinking I should be doing cartwheels or something but I wasnt. My hubby on the otherhand sat there grinning like a Cheshire Cat! I think you need time to let the (really good ) news sink in. You've been through so much , had your world turned upside down. Take a day at a time and eventually the news will sink in and you can move forward . Congratulations btw I wish you well. Kathy.