Hi.. I have not posted for a long time as after a number of years I felt I needed to distance myself from reading and thinking about cancer.. not that is't that easy I realise as I think it comes into my thoughts every day.. A brief history.. diagnose with Stage 1C and Borderline in 2007 and after hospital visits for 5 years finally discharged. I have an old scar on my stomach from gallstones and I pulled it some months ago so went to the docs and she thought I might have a hernia.. turns out I don't but on the scan, they found a 2cm lump in my left pelvic area. After walking out of the docs in floods of tears I finally returned to Oncology and had a blood test which showed my tumour markers were fine and they left me for 3 months and I go back on 12 January for a full CT scan with contrast. I am dwelling as I finished treatment February 2008 so it is some years.
Has anyone else had such an experience.. I just feel a sense of doom. The doc said it is a good thing that I have no symptoms and that I am generally well but I just feel like the past years when I thought everything was behind me have finally caught up with me. I am scared to be positive as I just feel everything is going to come crashing around me..
Gilly x
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Gilly44
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You have no reason to think it's cancer. I think it's best not to jump the gun. It's hard I know but at least you're being monitored. On the plus side, is the fact you have normal markers. I know not everyone does but it's a good sign.
I can understand trying to get away from cancer. At least you've been able to which is a good thing. Xxx
I was stage 1C in 2012 and had a recurrence in sept as tumour showed in pelvis op in nov to remove chemo in a couple of weeks time frame is a good sign for positive result
The Dr said that they never see borderline cases come back (never got told that before) but of course I had the 1C too.. I also read the further along the line the better it is for chances of it not returning but then I read about someone who was 10 years on and it came back.. could have been another stage though.. grrr hate this disease.. I will let you know what happens.
Your post reminds me just how tough it is to live with a diagnosis of cancer even if there's every hope it can be cured. Life doesn't just go back to the old routines.
I feel very hopeful for you that generally you feel well and the tumour marker is normal. One very good and positive thing is how much treatments have changed and developed over the years and even if it turns out to be the worst you can imagine you will discover how different things are these days and how much can be done by professional teams.
I can imagine it feels a very long wait till 12 January for your scan and you must feel as though you're stepping back in time. Hopefully you will notice how different things are these days and that will give you reassurance. I hope the scan reveals there is no reason to feel hopeless. It may be something quite unrelated to your previous diagnosis of ovarian cancer.
Gilly waiting for scans and the results is just awful. It's so hard to stop your mind running riot and after such a long time distanced from it too. But you don't yet have a bad result so try not to live the next ten days as though you already do, as that would be a waste of ten days when it turns out to be nothing much. Try to keep as busy as you can - the time will pass and soon you will know. Xxxx
Golly that is so scary and I understand how you feel. Waiting is the hardest part but don't make yourself I'll with worry. Wait until you know the result properly and you have every reason to be positive. You have been brave and have the strength to continue to be x
Thanks everyone.. I love this community and wish we weren't here for all of the 'right' reasons but I remember how I found support for a long time and that is what led me back here. In the time since I was diagnosed I have supported a friend who was Stage 4 OC taking her to chemo appointments.. felt very weird going back but I am glad I as able to help her... she is fine at the moment and I hope will be for a long time to come... No-one understand unless you have gone through it.. I am trying to get on with things but not sleeping so really tired. I gave up work 2 years ago on the back of my diagnosis and have my own business walking and boarding dogs which I love.. My other half took retirement from the NHS so we work together.. poor as church mice. When I was diagnosed before, I had just turned 40 and apart from not having kids, life was so happy.. Even now, I find myself being scared to be fully happy as I think life will come back and 'teach me a lesson'.. I know silly! Anyways.. what will be will be. The 12th will be here soon and I have a very supportive other half.. In some ways I consider myself lucky..not to have cancer. First time around I found it from a smear test and the Drs couldn't believe it.. this time from a scan for something separate.. I was taking some medication at the time of my scan and in the leaflet it did say it can cause lumps.. I keep telling myself that is what it will be.. I had a good old read on here last night before posting.. you are lovely and amazing the lot of you.. xxxxx
There's probably a good chance for the cyst to be benign or borderline but whatever it is, as long as it can be removed or treated ....or maybe even not treated in case it doesn't cause much harm where it is... the journey continues.
I have a mix of 1c (low grade serous) and wider spread borderline disease too (pt3a). So far only had surgery for treatment which removed all visible tumours. CA125 is still higher than comfortable but last scan was clear so am on 'watchful waiting'. Feels a bit like one of those damocles swords hanging over my head and the scan dates take on a disproportional importance in my life, but I reckon only superwoman could sleep well with that threat going on so you're not the only one to worry, for what it's worth.
Having your own business will help to accommodate hospital appointments so that's hopefully a bit less stress on the timing front. Working with dogs sounds like a lovely way to spend your time.
FIngers crossed for you.
Try not to worry, the scans may reveal something less sinister. However just to let you know that there are plenty treatment options there for you if the worst comes to the worst. It is a long time since you had your first treatment so there is every reason you will respond well should you need chemo. But for now, try not to pre empt results. Focus on some time out doing what you like doing while waiting for the scan and result. I know it is easy for me to say that but so far there is nothing to say it is cancer and bear that in mind
Thanks.. you are right of course.. Everything I have ever had illness wise since seems to concentrate on my stomach / pelvis.. typical but as you say, if I did need treatment hopefully they will be effective once more. I had 6 x Carboplatin plus a hysterectomy before.
I picked up on your 'teach me a lesson' and then telling yourself that's 'silly'; since my diagnosis (stage3c clear cell OC with recurrence in Jan 2013) in May 2011, I'm really noticing this 'inner chatter' each day - what it says, how it moves from one thing to another and just how powerful the chatter is to arouse my fears, anxieties, sadnesses, as well as the joys and enthusiasms in life. My point is that having started to notice this chatter, its content and how it ranges across all sorts of weird stuff sometimes, if I just stop, take stock of it all and the emotions and just be amazed at how complex it all is, somehow this stopping and observing helps me to accept this is part of me but not the whole of me. Once I've realised it is not the whole of me, all those lovely things in my life zoom in to take over. One thing I have had to teach myself is to listen to when I am judging myself ('being silly') and again just notice with interest at the judgements I'm making and wonder where in my past this attitude has built from. Again, I've just found this 'noticing and thinking' helps me to return gently and with kindness to all the lovely, fun things we all value and treasure so much.
I hope this may help, Gilly, and that today is a good day. Like everyone else, my fingers crossed for you.
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