Hi everyone ..I don't very often post but I do follow all your posts ... This is not so much a question more a statement of how my journey

Is going .. Ime half way through the chemo .. My energy levels are zero they don't seem to pick up much between sessions . I've just had my half way staging scan and ime at oncology Monday at Cheltenham when I hope they will give me results. I've become increasingly isolated , I've not worked for 8mths , and friends have busy lives , work have now replaced me and the contents of my desk are here in a shoe box .. Some days I see no one apart from my husband .. Obviously my daughters love me dearly but have children and busy lives themselves .. This diagnosis of PPC has changed my whole life .. I cannot walk any distance at this time as I get severe leg pain , hence the isolation , feeling very down at this time .. Love Elaine

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  • I've just finished my chemo- final

    Dose two days ago. The 5th one totally knocked me out and didnt really seem to recover a lot before the final one. I have still be working tho on the 'good weeks'. I found the best thing to do was not jump too far ahead, just take each day as it comes. The isolation I can empathise with. I am only 31 so all my friends are out enjoying the summer an going off on holiday and I feel a bit left behind! Plus I don't think they really understand as much as they all try too, hence why this site is such a God send.

    I am sorry you are feeling so low, but you are not alone! I hope you get some positive news from your scan results and that helps to push you through the remaining sessions.

    Claire

  • Hi

    Cancer can be a very difficult and lonely journey but you are not alone.

    I struggled all the way through chemotherapy and a combination of things such as steroids can make you feel depressed.

    There is no easy answer most of us have good and bad days.

    Try to take it a day at a time- rest when you feel tired etc.

    You will always get support from this group!

    Take care

    Anne x

  • Thank you Anne .. I hate the steroids , theybaffect my eyesight as ime a diabetic on insulin

  • Dear Elaine

    I'm so sorry that you feel down. Thank goodness we have this site. You have so many friends here who share your experiences and with whom you can have a chat, a laugh, a cry. We'll be there for you.

    I know so well how isolating it can be to be on sick leave for a long period but it's made so much worse for you as you're feeling rough with the side-effects of chemotherapy. It does affect some people really badly. Just think, you're over half-way through now. Is it just 3 more sessions you have to get through? I really hope the half-way scan shows good results.

    Do you ever feel well enough to have visits from friends? I sent an email into work to a trusted colleague saying I'd love to see them if they would call over and she passed this round. I had visits from colleagues I hadn't realised cared for me as well as people I'd worked with closely over the years. People sometimes need a little jog to give them the confidence to get in touch. They don't want to intrude but I bet they are worried about you and would be happy to drop by to fill you in on the office gossip.

    I'm worried if your employer has replaced you. If it's a permanent replacement it's illegal. I sympathise with you thinking your stuff is in a box somewhere. When I got back to work my desk had been changed and my stuff was all over the place. It was very depressing but the result of thoughtlessness rather than anything malicious.

    Do you feel you can post or blog more to feel part of the community here. We're a friendly bunch and would love to hear from you. It's particularly difficult dealing with chemotherapy if you have another ongoing condition like diabetes. I think there are several members struggling with similar situations and they may well have some helpful ideas for you.

    Cheltenham is a beautiful city. I've only been twice but was really impressed at the shops and cafes in the city centre.

    Take care dear friend.

    xx love Annie

  • Thankyou so much Annie , your words are a comfort .. Sadly because I've been of since feb it was inevitable they would have to give my job to someone eventually .. I've been assured she is on a temporary contract .. But it still makes me sad .. So much is changing and I feel totally out the loop .. I was always very busy at work . Deputy of a care home .. The chemo does affect me badly .. It takes me 10to12 days to even begin to feel better , dose of taxol has been reduced by 20% .. I think I need to take comfort from the kind people on here and maybe stop bottling my feeling up .. And talk more .. After all everyone on here seems so lovely .. Thank you ..Elaine xx

  • Dear Elaine,

    I hope the contract that replaces you is a temporary arrangement as it would be illegal. I'd be happy to help out with advice when you're ready to go back if you have any problems returning to your job.

    It would be lovely to get to know you more. It isn't good to bottle up your feelings. I love this site as sometimes it's for holding out a hand to each other and sometimes it's about having a laugh and both are good for the soul.

    You must miss your job very much. There's always a friendly banter in the care environment but I sometimes think people who care aren't so good at being cared for. Let's hope the reduced dose of Taxol is easier to bear. It does seem a vicious drug and a lot of side effects for relatively little benefit but if you can bear the combination it's the best they have.

    Have a treat this weekend. I'm going to have a pedicure. It always makes me feel better. Have you got anything planned? Xxx love Annie

  • Thank you for your reply .. Yes I do miss my job .. what also makes me sad is watching my poor husband work every hour there is .. As at his time I only bring ssp as company sick pay has finished .. The mine field of benefits .. It's good to know I can come on here and get things of my chest .. Thank you lve Elaine xx

  • Dear Elaine

    Have you been in touch with Macmillan. They have specialist staff to advise on benefits. They registered me with the Benefits Agency so when I need extra help that is not means tested I can get it straight away. I have a reduced income as I have an occupational pension only for another 2 years so I'm also dependent on my husband to keep the household bills paid. Financial worries do add to the problems we have to face. I hope my idea of a pedicure wasn't thoughtless. It is a bit of a luxury and at the end of the day I can just put my feet into a lovely bowl of warm soapy water and that's half the luxury.

    I do feel bad sometimes as my husband takes on additional work when I get tired. We shouldn't feel guilty as we'd have done the same had they been poorly.

    xxx Hope you have a nice treat this weekend. xxx love Annie

  • Hi Elaine,

    I'm so pleased you have shared how you're feeling. Illness can be so isolating particularly when you are feeling wiped out by chemo. As has already been said you have lots of friends on here who understand how you are feeling.

    Big hug

    Love

    Zannah x

  • Dear Elaine, just wanted to say, we're all friends on here.....we have many differing experiences amongst us and that's what makes it so brilliant. I didn't have chemo, so I can't even imagine what it must be like, but I've just been through a change in my migraine medication which made me feel lifeless and drained, till I found out that my blood pressure had dropped to 101/63. That may have been it! I went back to the old meds a couple of days ago, had an almighty migraine yesterday but am beginning to feel a bit more energy today. I know your feeling down has been much longer than this. All I can say is well done, you're getting through it now. It won't be too long before things will pick up, I am sure. Just keep in touch with us. There are so many ways in which we may cheer you up, you'll find. Just post and let us know when you have a wobble, or a little feeling of positivity ...... Whatever...... Meanwhile, here's a hug from me (((xxx)))

    Love Wendy xx

  • I'm in the middle of Caelyx chemo treatment, diagnosed 12 months ago with Stage 3C ovarian cancer. My remission lasted 3 months and this is third different type of chemo (which is working at present bringing ca125 down from 6200 to 1300. I, too feel flat and fatigued at times but then remember other brave souls who are doing it tough also. I wish you well Elft63,

  • Hi there: I'm glad you've been able to share how you feel on here. I am now 3 months since my last chemo and still struggle with fatigue...and I'm only 36.. You can't underestimate how much damage the drugs do to your 'well' body as well as the cancer: it takes its toll, and will take time for you to recover. Do what the other ladies have said and take one day at a time. In relation to your mental well being: you're NOT alone! Cancer, to me, is more about the mental and emotional journey than the physical. It has the potential to take you to dark, dark places in your head.. Places that people who don't have cancer can't understand and can't go to with you...but we DO understand here, and just talking about it, will take away some of the emotional charge: please write as much whenever you feel like it, and everyone here will support you. Much love xxx

  • Thank you all of you for your kind words and support .. Thank heavens I've found you all love Elaine xxx

  • HANG IN THERE ELAINE. YOU HAVE.LOTS.OF.FRIENDS.HERE.STANDING WITH YOU. SENDING BIG HUGS.

    JANE

  • Hi Elaine

    Welcome and I am so glad you found us.

    I hope that hearing that feeling like this is completely normal is of some comfort. It takes ages to get over the shock of the diagnosis , big surgery and chemo. Is there any possibility of having some professional counselling at the oncology centre ? I know of several people who have had this and it has made a massive difference to have professional support.Also have you told your Gp about how you are feeling ? Please do try and get some help....feeling better emotionally is bound to help your recovery.

    I hope that the rest of your treatment goes well and that you have many years of remission.

    With much love

    Charlie xxxx

  • Hi Elaine, sorry you are feeling so low at present , but can empathise . I'm also 1/3 way through chemo for ppc, and reached the point this week where actually wondered if it was worth it ( it is I know but felt so awful last week ) . Chemo can seem so endless , and debilitating, but I keep telling myself it just shows the poisons are working. It's great this site is here, as I think it saves all our sanity's ( ? Made up word ) at times, do keep posting and let us know how you are getting on.

    Best wishes

    Hilary

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