Hi Ladies,I really don't know what's wrong with me all week.My emotions and brain feel like it's Good Friday.Everything closed and silent like the old days. I am not getting any enjoyment from things no matter what they are.I got a very special invitation to a Garden Party to meet someone who was on my bucket list and yet,I've put the invitation away and have little if any interest in it.
I'm not sure if there comes a time on this journey where you switch off,where the emotional see saw and swings take its toll.i fight for positivity and for keeping everything as before diagnosis as best I can,when I'm ok the family are ok but,when I'm not ok what do I do? Do I still play the ok game? I think it might stem from when I was first diagnosed and I googled my illness and Dr Google gave me a prognosis of 18-24 Mts and time is running out.I find myself saying a lot now,"I wish it was last year,I was on Avastin and though I had aches and pains ,I was ok because,I thought it was doing me good!ive spoken to family members about it but they are at a total loss.One family member said"I don't know what to say to you,this isn't you at all,you've always been upbeat and a positive attitude,maybe you need a kick up the backside".Did I lull myself into a false sense of security,shielding reality behind a cloak of good intentions?
I know this isn't like the posts I usually right and forgive me for droning on but,this is how It is and if any of you ladies out there has suffered something similar you might be able to help.xxxx