Im feeling terrified at work right now. This is my second time posting. I have been on clomipramine 150mg for several years well under control until 3 weeks ago. I saw my psych 2 1/2 weeks ago. I suffer from pure o. He upped dosage to 200, was still panicked and obsessing. He then upped me to 250mg which I started 4 days ago. Yesterday I felt strange less anxiety when the intrusive thoughts would come to me. I made it through work. I was feeling depressed and kind of numb too. But things got worse when I got home. I felt intrusive harm thoughts about my partner and was afraid I’d act on them. There was also a weird feeling of feeling like I didn’t really love or care for my partner. I felt I was questioning everything from thought feeling bodily sensation. Right I’m at work took a third Ativan...how is harm ocd different then command hallucinations? Could the rapid increase in med make me feel homicodal?pleae help. My partner thinks if he’s a trigger maybe he should leave I don’t want that? I know I can’t trust the ocd thoughts but what about the feelings? How can I trust me?
Desperate please read : Im feeling terrified at... - OCD Support
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Desperate please read
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So sorry you are having a hard time. It sounds like you are very anxious and worrying about a lot of things.
Can you take some time of work to get better?
OCD will make you believe the worst ever things and true, it can make you feel psychotic. But you are not ! Get you get yourself a therapist to work through some of your thoughts and they can help you with it. This is all normal ocd stuff. Read a book called Brain Lock - it will help you xxx
There are problems with OCD being apparently under control, then suddenly rearing its ugly head. It's possible this has happened with you. It's certainly happened with me! Also OCD can alter from, say, intrusive thoughts of harming someone to an obsession with cleanliness. It isn't stable.
I took clominpramine for quite a few years and was on a higher dose that you. I took 250 mg a day, spaced out during the day. I didn't have any negative reactions to it, apart from it making me feel constantly dopey. But people do react to medication in different ways, so I can't say if it's the clomipramine.
I note that you had what you describe as a weird feeling you didn't really love your partner. Some people with OCD do get intrusive thoughts like this, but as you describe a numb feeling as well, it could just be part of the depression. That can make you feel numb.
Clomipramine is a good medication, but it is an older one and SSRI antidepressants are more usual now. Is there a reason why you are on clomipramine rather than on, say sertraline? Some people don't get on with SSRIs which is why clomipramine still needs to be available, but it might be worth asking your psychiatrist about going on to an SSRI.
I now take a high dose of sertraline, 300 mg a day, and this is boosted by 5 mg daily of aripiprazole, which is an anti-psychotic. I'm not psychotic, but a low dose is often prescribed to boost the sertraline or other SSRI with OCD. I found an immediate benefit in it. I felt as though I had been given a sort of extra oomph, as though colours had regained the former brightness they had for me.
Ativan is a calming medication, but can also be a depressant, so be careful of taking too many. It's tempting, of course! I found that Valium didn't really help at all.
I don't think that your partner is a trigger. Don't let OCD spoil or make you lose a good relationship! It takes enough from us as it is! These thoughts of harm often target what or who means most to us, such as a partner or children. But they are just OCD thoughts, and however real they feel, we really wouldn't act on them.
I do think you need to talk about your medication with your psychiatrist again. It could just be the OCD, but it could be the increase in medication. In any case you shouldn't have to suffer. I do hope things work out for you. Please post here whenever you like.
Sounds like a small blip. Have you any other stress or perhaps not been feeling well. I have been on clomipramine on and off for 30years. I do get bad times now and again but rarely. I can usually talk myself back to sense. Winter doesn’t help. Hope you feel better soon. X
Thanks so much to all who responded. Just started 5mg of abilify today with 200 mg clomipramine . Morning was a little weird. Anybody on this combo?
The Abilify is the trade name for the aripiprazole that I take. I started on 2.5 mg alongside the 300 mg of sertraline that I was already on, just to test if it was right for me.
I felt immediately better on it, and the dose was upped to 5 mg, which I'm still on. The Abilify boosts the effects of the antidepressant. I've had positive results from being on it and felt more like my old self.
I should give it a go, but if you are worried do call a doctor. I took quite a while to make up my mind to take it but I'm glad I did. Do let us know how you get on.
Hi, I thought it was getting better but today I feel so scared. I’m at a conference for work and don’t know how I will concentrate. It’s a horrible combo of harm ocd and r ocd. I feel like a freak and just want to die. I have just taken some Ativan and hoping it kicks in.
I'm hoping that the conference went better than you thought. It's quite common for OCD to be kept at bay for some while, and then to resurface. It's often in response to pressure, but it can come out of the blue.
It could be that an SSRI would suit you better, but that's for you and your prescribing doctor to decide.
Try not to worry. Having OCD can make us feel really miserable but hold onto the thought that you will feel better. I and many others have been where you are now, and have got through it. So can you!
CBT could be helpful as well. If it hasn't been offered to you already, do ask for it. If it's something you've already had, perhaps a booster course could help.
Don't feel like a freak. It's an illness, and a horrible one at that. But the real you is still underneath. Go easy on yourself.
This sounds so scary I hope you are feeling better today. Not sure if this is an SSRI but if it is in my research of them I’ve read many stories of a person on them who was doing good for a long stretch then out of no where the medication stops working. I have no idea why but speculate as we coexist with our OCD even under the help of meds the OCD progresses and once the meds are less effective the resurgence of ocd hits like a tidal wave. I just recently had thoughts of mania and detachment for the first time after doing well for a week and it scared me so much that I would permanently like that and today feel more like myself. You are taking good steps checking in with your doc and partner it may just take some down time for you to really absorb this bad episode of Pure O. Lean into the fact that you have it and it’s a part of your life and this although painful and scary is just a normal part of having OCD. Feel better!
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