17 ysr old, A levels, enormous fear of being sick since age of 11. Not helped by Noro virus circulating at this time of year. It's a very frightening place for her at the moment, and I don't know what to do to help her. Any suggestions please??
Hi, my daughter is really struggling with OCD. - OCD Support
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Hi, my daughter is really struggling with OCD.
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RachelOne
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Hi. My OCD started fully when I was 17 and I am now 41 and still dealing with it. I did not know what was wrong with me when I was 17 and my parents did not understand; I thought I was going mad and pacing the floor in fear of what if I cannot write when I do my exams, to the point where every time I held a pen I was so tense it hurt. It wasn't until I was 21 when things got really bad at university that I got any medical help. My advice is to take your daughter to the doctor and consider medication - I put it off for 20 years and have finally started taking Prozac and it really does work and worked for my mum. Cognitive therapy is very good for OCD and the doctor can put you on a waiting list for this. The other thing is that OCD ruminating is often a distraction for other underlying anxieties that cause panic. Addressing these anxieties themselves - school pressures, boyfriends, body image etc and learning some relaxation techniques and breathing exercises can help to calm the storm that triggers the OCD. Claire Weekes' book on self help for your nerves and passing through panic are excellent help. Hope this helps. OCD at this age is very common I have found and with a supportive family can be bearable and manageable. Keep communication open. Get a risk assessment from your doctor if you fear for your daughter's safety at any time and they can give you emergency crisis team numbers. Good luck and God bless.
My son is 12 and has Severe OCD. He is also extremely afraid of vomiting, and the Noro virus thing has had a huge impact on us at the moment, so I totally sympathise with your problem. My son is so bad he hasn't been in school for over a year and is home schooled, so at least your daughter is able to still leave the house, which is very brave considering her fears, keep cheering her on, make a fuss of how brave she is, how she is able to face her fears, give her a sense of control. Does she receive any therapy or is she on Medication? The thing I've found helped most, although it doesn't take the fear away, is if I act in a way that shows him that there is nothing to worry about. The moment I start to reassure him, or get sucked into conversations about why he won't be sick, he gets more anxious, so I stay calm no matter what and speak in quite a firm voice. I remind him that this is OCD not him, and I won't talk to OCD. It feels very cruel at times, as my instinct is to reassure him, but that is actually the worst thing I can do. To be honest, the best thing that could happen is if she does get a tummy bug. Sounds awful and I know she would be terrified but, remember that you know that a tummy bug is horrid but not the end of the world, and although she feels an overwhelming sense of danger, it is not real. Facing her fear is the only way for her to get control over it, the more she tries to avoid it, the more OCD will take. You need to be her perspective, as she hasn't got any over this situation. Don't change the routine in the house, don't become part of her rituals and don't let her see you get stressed. I crack jokes, do anything to make him laugh and diffuse the situation when he is bad, as i've found humour works well. Talk about anything else, distract her when she's anxious, sometimes I say the strangest things, just because it is so unexpected that it penetrates through the layer of anxiety and makes his brain focus on me a bit more. Then I just gabble away and he usually calms down. Sorry if you know all this, there is no easy answer, I wish there was. Just stay positive and, above all, remember that every time she leaves the house and puts herself in a situation where she may pick up a bug, like go to school or out with friends, it's a victory and shows that she can overcome. Tell her how strong she is, she faces these fears every day and carries on, it's important for her to realise her own strength, as this will help her find the confidence and courage to fight the anxiety. Good luck x
Thank you both for your answers. It is so, so helpful, thank you. You each in your own way have under-lined all my daughters fears and anxieties and I feel very emotional reading your very comforting, helpful and supportive answers. Thank you. I will keep in touch if that is OK. x
Please do keep in touch, that would be great! Although it's awful that there are other people going through the hell that I'm going through, it helps a lot that I'm not alone x
I think what you said in your earlier email is so spot on. I've notice over the years, and I have to keep reminding myself of this, that my daughter responds in a much more positive way to the positive approach. It's so easy to get caught up in all the negativity and to really feel the fear as ones own, and of course to fear the worst for ones child. It's such a horrible illness, any kind of mental illness is so difficult with it being hidden.... have a good weekend, and remember that you're not alone! x
Dealing with a child with OCD forces you to go against all your maternal instincts. When your child cries in the night because they don't like the dark, the normal response is to invest in a night light. With OCD, you have to say, "Well, there's nothing to be afraid of, stay in the dark and you'll see", because if you don't, they'll go from night light, to normal light, to staying awake all night to protect themselves from the darkness. I liken it to the times I was training my boys to sleep in their own beds when they were little. I knew that the moment I gave in and let them come back into my bed, they would scream even more the next night, so I had to be strong. When was your daughter diagnosed? Has she had any kind of treatment? I hope you have a calm weekend x
Keep her talking about her fears and anxieties, don't let her sit and dwell on them alone. I find that reassurance and patience are key.
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