Struggling to cope with what I think is OCD

Hello all. New to this but thought expressing my thoughts to someone for the first time in years would help. I have been experiencing a lot of anxiety and constant paranoia for the past 3 years or so but my anxieties surrounding germs and dirt have become particularly consuming the past few months. I am near to approaching the end of year 9 yet I am becoming more and more consumed with washing. My parents are becoming more concerned of my habits, most recently because they can smell the bleach on my hands which I have recently found helps me when I do not long to wash my hands for hours like straight after school before other activities. My dad seems to watch me in disgust when I am washing my hands and my own cutlery for ages and there is always an overwhelming sense of how pathetic and ridiculous I seem. This also happens whilst in school. Although I can't eat or drink in school I am always aware of people noticing my application of hand sanitizer and recently, for preventing extra hours of hand washing, clear latex gloves in I.T (for touching the keyboard) and music (when touching the piano). Many of my friends mock me and its not rare I'm labelled a 'germaphobe', whilst I know this is true there is so many other things I do which I know they will never be able to understand and it would never seem sensical to me to do anything but ignore their comments. I've always believed it was OCD in recognition of my problems aligning with the symptoms of the disorder, but since I've had no professional diagnose me I would refrain from telling my closest friends about my problems. My main frustration is how my fear of contamination and uncleanliness is the only problem my parents and some friends think I have because of its visibility, but for years now I have been consumed by steps, numbers, lines in the floor and pavement, timing and countless other things. I've become very depressed recently in the knowledge how difficult a regular life would be for me to obtain and that no one around me can understand my anxieties. It may sound like the obvious option is to talk to someone but every time my parents confront me of my cleaning habits I become extremely anxious and sort of break down. This is really the first time I've opened up about what I believe is a disorder but I this seemed like a good time since next Tuesday I am going to the doctors to discuss my problems in light of my parents concern. Any thoughts on whether or not I may have OCD would be appreciated and also any advise on how I can talk to the doctor would be great as would advise for overcoming what I feel are compulsions. Also, I am not taking any medication but if the doctor makes the decision on Tuesday hopefully then I will have a way of suppressing my anxieties.

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  • Hello, I just read your post and I am happy that you found the courage to share about how you have been feeling. I believe you are taking the first steps to at least halving your problems by talking to a doctor about them. Even if the relief isn't instant just know that it is on its way.

    You could write down in bullet points your symptoms and give it to your doctor so you don't forget to get all of your symptoms down maybe?

    At school, if there are any info leaflets you might be able to give to your teachers and maybe to your friends so that they can understand better by being enlightened about different conditions. It may help someone else too. Maybe create your own?

    Talking about things and acceptance about things can give a whole new awareness and perspective for all.

    You are not a victim you are just you and that is just fine and O.K with Universe.

    Love to you.

  • Thanks a lot. I think making leaflets is a really good idea. It's the most frustrating thing to hear people say 'I'm so OCD' because they occasionally feel like being neat so having others actually acknowledge what its like and how debilitating for people would be so helpful. I think I'll also write down my symptoms would also be a good idea because there's a more than likely chance I'll forget some important ones.

  • Hello, I am glad you can at least get help for yourself , I am in my forties and have only just openly started talking to my family about my OCD obcessions x I am not a cleaner of my self but like things in order ,. Count things and pick up bits off the floor because of it is left something bad will happen . I also have to have things back where they belong constantly and thus is exhausting ,. It is very bad when I am anxious or upset , my new husband and momhave been very good with me and I have just stated some cbton line x I hope you get the help you need as I gave hidden this for years . Get all the help you can be old with everyone you are you and can get make your life better to enjoy and not be consumed by this . I hope this has helped in some way things get better and talk more your parents are not disgusted with you they are probably wanting to help but do not know what to do or the best ,. Be open with them they love you , remember that xx take care

  • Thank you. I will try to talk more to my parents in future although it is quite hard. Hopefully I'll have something to supress anxieties soon xx take care

  • Hi, I would try to get your parents to sit with you...via, a doctors appointment...so that they realise...how upsetting this is making your life! Ask the doctor to send them...a priority attendance, with yourself, to discuss the seriousness of your health condition....even ask your closest friend to attend on another date??? I have just joined...the fire brigade is threatening to throw all of my items out...as I bulk purchase in everything...normally goes up in 3's or 6's for some reason? It became worse...after a relationship split, four years past. I do not wish to be with him...I am severely disabled...and Sleep around 18 hours daily, via all the meds. they prescribe...which, I do require!!!! Princess Catrina...I do hope your parents and friends assist and understand you!!! Kisses...

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