Is this normal?: I have always been a very kind... - OCD Support

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Is this normal?

pinkpenguins5 profile image
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I have always been a very kind and loving person, I had a harm related intrusive thought a month or 2 ago and have not been able to free my mind of it. I think about it every day and always analyze why I am having the thought. I get scared I am going crazy and I don't even like being around my family because I feel like an evil person for having these thoughts. I just want them to go away and every time Im not thinking about it, it always pops up again and I often lose thought in a conversation because of these thoughts. I am not diagnosed with OCD but the more I think about it the more I realized how many other thoughts that I've had like this that have taken me months to get rid of. Thinking gets really exhausting and I just want to turn my brain off sometimes. I am not sure if I've overshared or not but, has anyone else has felt this or related even a little?

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pinkpenguins5
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MyOCD123 profile image
MyOCD123

Hey there, I can definitely relate to what you’re talking about. Well I’m not a doctor and can’t confirm you have OCD it sounds similar to my experience and led to my diagnosis. The intrusive thoughts of harm and violence led me to seek help and when I got the right diagnosis all my past anxieties and obsessions finally made sense. Here’s the thing — OCD wants you to keep analyzing this thought. It wants to convince you that there is meaning where there is none. People can not control their thoughts, but for those of us with OCD we get stuck on them because we search for a why. The more you engage with the thought the worse it will become. But you also shouldn’t try to push it away. With OCD it is important that we acknowledge these thoughts and than choose to accept the uncertainty behind them. These thoughts may be seem dangerous but I assure you they are not. I can’t tell you how much relief I felt the first time I realized that a thought is just a thought. It doesn’t mean anything about me or who I am or what I want. It’s simply random and harmless. OCD is treated with something called exposure and response prevention therapy and I would encourage you to find a specialist who deals specifically with OCD. Treatment isn’t easy but it is worth it and we can learn to tolerate discomfort and retrain our brains to recognize that there is no danger in the thoughts. I believe the IOCDF has resources on their website for treatment based on your location. Sending you positive thoughts and strength! You are not alone in this.

pinkpenguins5 profile image
pinkpenguins5 in reply to MyOCD123

Thank you for the reassurance & information .I am currently in therapy these thoughts drove me to seek help. I wasn’t sure if it was OCD or not but I think I’m gonna talk to my therapist about it . I’m glad I am not alone , thank you again for your response .

Sallyskins profile image
Sallyskins in reply to pinkpenguins5

My OCD123 is absolutely right. But I'm surprised that your therapist hasn't diagnosed you with OCD or suggested treatment appropriate to it. If they are resistant to giving you a diagnosis or treating you with cognitive behavioural therapy or CBT as it's usually known, then perhaps another therapist might help you more.

I had a therapist for quite a few years who didn't give me a diagnosis of OCD, tell me anything about it, or treat me with OCD. He merely sat there drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes and asking me about my childhood. In other words he was clueless and useless. I found out I'd got OCD from a book my mother bought me.

So don't stick with a therapist who doesn't give you a diagnosis or who doesn't do CBT!

pinkpenguins5 profile image
pinkpenguins5 in reply to Sallyskins

I will keep that in mind!! I also just started going and I haven’t really fully opened up yet so I guess I’ll see. Thank you

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