Please share a thought x: Would anybody mind sharing... - OCD-UK

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Please share a thought x

100hope
100hope
14 Replies

Would anybody mind sharing one of their intrusive thoughts please. I've just been advised today that OCD is the reason I worry about everything. I still can't believe that OCD is the reason I am the way I am and I'd just like someone else who also has intrusive thoughts to share one of theirs with me because I feel that I'm the only person who worries about and imagines the craziest things. Thank you x

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Autumnsa

Go read my some of my first posts. Lemme know if you have any questions lol.

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MyOCD123

Hi!

What you’re doing right now is reassurance seeking but I know how hard it is to be faced with some of these thoughts so I’ll humor you! 😉 I have a laundry list below of some of my major themes. Have you been to see an OCD therapist or starting treatment? It’s very important to get the proper care and be in the treatment of someone who specializes in this terrible disorder. Hang in there, I can promise that with a lot of hard work and time it does get better!

1. What if I’m schizophrenic.

2. What if I lose control of my body and hurt someone I love or someone I don’t even know.

3. What if I’m secretly a pedophile.

4. What if I am evil.

5. What if I actually want to do all the terrible thoughts in my head.

6. What if I’m hallucinating everything and I don’t know it.

7. What if I had a promiscuous phase that I can’t remember and now I’m pregnant with some random persons baby.

8. What if it’s not actually OCD and I really am all of these horrible things?!

I could keep going because OCD will never struggle to find a new obsession but try to remember that thoughts are just thoughts and nothing more. They don’t always mean something, and in the case of someone with OCD they reflect the opposite of who we are and what we want. We’re not our thoughts!

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Pob76
Pob76
in reply to MyOCD123

You could be my twin !

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MyOCD123
MyOCD123
in reply to Pob76

I’m sure there’s many more like us! OCD never runs out of creativity! Lol

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Sallyskins

I have so many! I've often found myself telling myself that I have to do something in a certain way, or go back and do it again, and if I don't I'm not allowed to do so-and-so.

I retrace my steps, particularly in doorways, going back and forth in a doorway until it feels 'right'. I have particular days for doing things, or not doing things.

As a schoolgirl I was happy to break all the rules in the long list we were supposed to obey, but OCD can be like having a really long list of rules that you daren't break!

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Cellothere

My OCD moves around. One really strong phase as a child was that I felt guilty all day and was sure that there was a reason for this and I must have done something really bad. So I would go to my mum and confess everything I could think of that was possibly bad.

I have intrusive thoughts about my husband cheating on me - it can be a major obsession. I also have dreams about it, even when we are really happy and there's nothing going on.

I have had intrusive thoughts about child abuse before which happened when my children were very young and totally freaked me out, but then stopped happening when they were able to speak for some reason thankfully. They were images in my head and I couldn't control them and at the same time found them hugely disturbing and confusing. I acted on them by getting my children checked over by a doctor and they would happen if my child had been away from me for even a few minutes - I would become convinced that something had happened. I feel ashamed to even write that now.

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Cellothere

That someone else had hurt them I mean. They never had. My kids are both healthy and happy. But my mind was a battle field.

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100hope
100hope
in reply to Cellothere

I can relate to the thoughts of your husband cheating on you as I'm convinced my partner will go back to his ex wife. I don't really have any friends, yes I have friends on Facebook but not real friends, nobody ever texts me to say hello or meet up with me and if they did I would think it was a plan to get me somewhere so that someone could harm me or so they can find out information from me and spread rumours about me. I genuinely believe this is true and not down to OCD. I'm scared to tell myself certain things are just OCD as then I won't know if things are real or not, I won't know when to act on my instinct or when I really should worry because.

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Cellothere

I know exactly what you mean! I am much better this year for some reason, but I have had so many battles in my head thinking 'but what if this isn't really OCD it is actually TRUE'! I think we need to keep reminding ourselves that it sis OCD. That we have somehow been programmed into constant fight/flight mode. The thought that really helps me is this: "I have been thinking this for (insert number) year. Three years ago I remember riving in my car and thinking these things....yet nothing actually happened. Nothing has come to pass. So perhaps they are just thoughts after all.".

On another note - baring in mind I don't do any social media due to my own issues (I find it really really triggers me into negative thought/feeling stuff) you sound like a nice person to me. I get the conspiracy stuff because I have that concept in my mind, but maybe if you could find a way to make contact with people in life, not on social media, you would make friends. We don't need many - just one or two kind people are enough I reckon. Big hug.

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100hope

You sound like such a lovely person.

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Cellothere

Thank you. Just a human person, complete with inner chaos :-))))

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Katz101

Ugly!! That was the main one that had me in therapy. You're not alone.

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Thom77

As others have said, looking for reassurance is part of the problem, but it's very human. Mostly I have obsessions without compulsions, though I do feel the need to look in a mirror before I go to bed (why?!). I had lots of odd bedtime rituals as a kid, including having to arrange my discarded clothes 'just so' before getting into bed.

I studied philosophy as a student and got obsessed with questions about time, the existence of the external world, what happens after death etc. etc. I had a bit of a breakdown, but got a good degree! Then I got worried that I might be gay and spent a lot of time and energy monitoring my reactions to men and women. Though I'm now married and a father, this is still one of my major OCD themes, and where boys are concerned it merges with an anxiety about the possibility of being a pedo. Of course, none of these thoughts give any pleasure.

It annoys me that the public perception of OCD is all about compulsive tidiness or hand-washing. I'm sure those who have such disorders really suffer with them, but there are so many other rich possibilities with OCD!!

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100hope
100hope
in reply to Thom77

I have slight compulsions, I wouldn't say they cause a massive problem but they can still cause me to take longer in doing things like hanging my washing on the line, the clothes have to go in size order, the colour of the pegs are co-ordinated, my bed has to be make without a ripple in it, I couldn't leave a blind twisted, my tins have to be arranged with the label facing forward, milk has to be put in the fridge with the handle to the right etc but I have a lot of obsessions, my worst is when people are eating, especially my children, I have a fear they're going to choke on their food and die. My son took my mum, daughter and I out for a meal for mothers day, I felt very anxious all the way through the meal, I kept looking at everyone making sure they were managing to eat ok, I kept telling my daughter who is almost 17 not to put too much in her mouth and to chew her food properly. It was even playing on my mind before we got to the restaurant. I've never been close to my dad, I quite often have thoughts whether he sexually assaulted me as a child even though I have no memory of this ever happening then I feel guilty and disgusted that I've had these thoughts. I've never told anyone about that thought as I worry it will get out. I fear death so much, my mum is 68 and every day I worry about the day she dies. I constantly check my body for lumps, I Google every symptom I have always thinking it's something serious. I've never spoken to a doctor about this because I'm worried it will go on my record then if I was to go to the doctors they wouldn't take me seriously and would miss a real illness or desease I might have. I feel like I'm crazy, I try to speak to my mum and partner but I know they don't understand even the slightest impact this has on me.

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