Hi please read

[Whatsreall]

Hi

I want you to know that this is not the ocd talking it’s me

Like a few months ago a friend of mine told me his mother had leucemia and I felt bad for him

My mom used to have cancer hodkings lymphoma so I understood but I thought that leucemia was harder and more dangerous so I felt bad for him and I told my mom “poor friend of mine his mother has leucemia” and my mom felt a little angry and sad because she thought I was making my friends mom cancer more important that my own moms cancer she used to have

And to be honest maybe I was

When my mom told me she had cancer I cried and I cried a lot but deep in myself I knew everything was going to be okay and it is now

I don’t know why but for some reason I thought her type of cancer was not that dangerous and that she was not gonna die I mean they caught it early so she was going to be okay so maybe I did downplay her cancer most likely I did

But maybe it was because my mom has been in hospitals a good amount of times because she was spondylitis so that affects some organs and her articulations and stuff like that

But every time she goes to the hospital at the end of the day she gets better or the doctors tell her everything it’s okay so maybe I got used to that and that’s what I thought of her cancer

But maybe I also told her “Poor mom of my friend she has leucemia” to make her a little angry and to be honest I think I did

Because I don’t think my mom is the best mom of the world because she is not she is lazy she never wants to take me to the places I need to go like school or if I was invited somewhere she never does and she is not interested and she is always fighting with my dad and she is always comparing herself to others and she is always always remembering every single bad thing you did to her and she is always reminding you the bad things you said to her to make you feel bad but I mean like always and she always gets angry for everything it’s like you need to be careful with every single thing you say or she will get angry

So yes maybe I told her that also to make her a little angry because maybe at that time when I told her about my friends mom I was angry at her maybe I was mad at her

The thing is that now I’m thinking that maybe I am a bad person for doing this for telling her that I was sorry for my friends mom to make her a little angry maybe I am a monster I know this was not right, at the moment I didn’t know but now I do

Maybe I did downplay her cancer and that makes me feel bad because I mean it was cancer and still for some reason I’m thinking “it was not that serious” and I’m angry at myself for this maybe she wanted me there more and I wasn’t so present

Now she is okay she doesn’t have cancer anymore it’s been like 2 years