Hi new here

Hi all I'm new here and still trying to really work out what's going on so all input will be gratefully received. I think the starting point was experiencing a misscarriage and then when carrying my son my mood became really low and I was so lethargic and my energy was just zapped. Not pregnant tired but real lethargy. My boy was born fine and then I started getting anxious thoughts. Like for instance I'm driving and I've left my son out of the car and had to keep checking he was there ( though I knew he was) and maybe I just thought I had put him in but in reality I hadn't. After speaking to a doctor and being told it was anxiety it seemed to go away. 12 months later I started experiencing depression. Loss of energy loss of interest to the point I'd struggle to even pick up the phone. It was just me, my home , my children. Eventually went to the doctor and they gave me setraline to try. It helped with my mood but bought back the weird thoughts of maybe I was actually doing something rather than thinking I was. I have developed a real fear for heights and windows and sometimes get a thought in relation to that ( I can't type it as just thinking it triggers me) I even feel like a force is pushing me towards the thought so I hold on for dear life. I stopped the sertrqlibe and began fluoextine. Although they are now less than before they still appear weird thoughts ( depersonalised) at random times .... generally though at night, first thing in morning or middle of night. They can be really uncomfortable and build into a real worry, uncomfortable feeling so I move about but it gets worse and it feels I'm just stuck in my head. My worse episode took a good twenty minutes to subside. Is this OCD, where did it come from? Are meds safe or will they make it all worse? I have a lot of anxiety relating to being single. Like the only adult responsible ( I wish I could explain it) I have tinnitus which is a pain and sometimes can be pretty bad!! I'm on a kind off level feeling with gps it's like they are there to help but I feel they are like you need to sort yourself out at the same time. I don't feel their is a lot of understanding still to all this as I find it hard to work out where it's all came from. Past life events makes me not understand how I can all of a sudden be going through this now and not suffered before in the bad times. How do you go about getting councilling I've never been offered it only meds which I also find pretty sad! Where's the help? Sorry this post is so long but to write it all out may help me.... and maybe others too.... best wishes and I look forward to getting to know you all and trying to offer my support along the way

7 Replies

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  • Hi, I think a lot about past life events also. I've been through some pretty tough situations, and never broke the way I have now. Never in a million years did I ever think I would end up with depression and anxiety. It makes me wonder if it has something to do with all of the chemicals being put in food these days. I just don't know, and I don't understand it at all. Some days I am absolutely un functional.

  • Same here!! One day brilliant and the next like you!! I do wonder.... I'm having a few tests but not really coming back with anything. I'm slowly trying to eliminate some foods to see if that helps. I know the brain can get unbalanced but the timing just seems so out. I ask myself do I just need to admit to myself this is an illness I have ( which lets face is hard to do with the way it's portrayed, even doctors are I feel uneducated on the subject) or do I keep fighting for the reason why .... really hard isn't it... thanks for replying by the way

  • I keep hoping that my brain is just unbalanced, and in time it will balance out again. None of the antidepressants I've tried has helped me. They end up making things worse, and I've stayed on them for 3 months thinking I just wasn't giving them enough time. I actually started feeling some better when I stopped the sertraline. The time before that it was citralopam. Anxiety meds help me but are super addicting. I miss my old self when I could feel good without even thinking about taking any type of medication. I hope you can find a solution. Hopefully we can all stick together here, and share what's working, and what's not. I wanted to start a new job, but since I've been taking anxiety meds I'm afraid to drug test right now, so I think I'm going to have to pass up a good opportunity. This is really aggravating!!

  • Yes I never got on with setraline either it gave me some real horrid and surreal thoughts that I just wasn't willing to go the full three months especially as I have no other adult around which worries you when you have a little one to care for I don't want to be so messed up by meds that he doesn't get my full care. I have been on fluoextine only one I have found helps me, but I still have moments of feeling totally yuck but I'm not willing to up the dose . I'm just sad that I have a few medical issues and rather than look into them with seriousness they see antidepressants and almost wave you off like oh anxiety .... I mean really. That's a shame about the job and a crying shame that an anti depressants should effect a drug test and the possibility of a future. I think work can really help you to get back in society! Maybe you could just go for it? If nothing comes of it look at it as nothing lost. But a stepping stone to feeling more yourself. Of course you have to be having good days to make that step of your too low just remember that if you've nearly made it once you can make it again when your in an even better place. I know it feels like a distant feeling and hard at times to even believe there is an end but you have my support

  • Having a child is undoubtedly a joy for you, but as a new parent you were having to make a huge adjustment to your life. Perhaps get yourself checked out physically to make sure you are all right. But having children can trigger off OCD as it gets you where you are most vulnerable, in this case, with your child and need to keep him safe. Being a single parent puts extra pressure on you. Tinnitus can also be stressful, as I know from my mother having had it. And miscarriages, common as they are, can still cause you to grieve.

    Ask the GP to refer you, as antidepressants are generally very safe and can help a lot, but work best in conjunction with other therapies like CBT and other talking therapies. I'm surprised that they haven't referred you already.

    It's often the case that you cope with bad experiences when they happen, but then what you felt catches up with you quite a while after. I can't diagnose you, but it is obvious that you need more help than you are getting and your GP should refer you.

    I do hope you start to feel better soon. There is help out there. The excellent Overcoming range of self-help books has one called Overcoming Depression which may be of some help to you meanwhile.

  • You totally explain where it all is possibly coming from so thank you! He's not my first child but from reading your message I suspect maybe losing a child gave me inner grief for which I have been scared for my rainbow baby and keeping him healthy so totally makes a lot of sense. Yes I suppose you can go through life and 18 years of abuse from the person that was supposed to live you can scar you inside. It annoys me though as outside I feel so over it I thought I had worked through it. I'd be more willing to accept it's an episode of depression if the other medical issues were explained... at the moment I just feel labelled . I'm all up for counselling and cbt I think they are great ideas and would of hoped that would of been offered before meds... I know the waiting lists are probably huge so I will look up th book you said as I enjoy reading in the evening.... thanks for your reply much appreciated

  • Trauma can and does leave you with scars inside, as you say, and this can make you vulnerable. It sounds like you have had a lot to deal with, and 18 years of abuse can't just be shaken off easily. Remember that you are strong in that you have already coped with that, and remember that you are a good and caring mother. That is such a nice expression, 'rainbow baby'! The problem with GPs is that they have mostly generalized knowledge and don't know a lot about particular conditions. A good GP knows when to refer, and not just palm you off with antidepressants. Insist on a referral to a therapist. And let your GP know the problems you have had with the antidepressants. They can be a help but don't suit everybody. There can be a wait for therapy, but they do eventually get round to you and meanwhile self-help books can get you started.

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