Hiding contamination issues.

[chaoticbag]

Hi, I have in the past had cognitive behavior therapy for G.A.D/contamination o.c.d. Sometimes I am o.k and can feel relaxed not obsessive, at other times I am mildly affected where I can hide my symptoms. Then I have other days feeling stressed and 'brain full'. I noticed I often seem to be worse a week before I am due on my period so can help myself manage my feelings. Sometimes though, it comes on all of a sudden and I have to act. I have many triggers. Mostly chemical/toxic but also bodily fluids sometimes germs. I try and help myself with angel cards, tarot, crystals but sometimes I still have to wash everything/throw stuff away/avoid things.

My family is affected (I cant stay in the kitchen when my husband is cooking, what I don't see won't hurt me and if I do see and comment he just tells me it's fine and 'go away!') and I don't want my daughter growing up with my issues even though I am always telling her to wash her hands or not touch stuff. What is hard is knowing that some things that I get concerned about is a genuine concern but it is often looked upon as not important because it is probably 'just me been stupid with anxiety'. I feel very complex and don't tell many people that I suffer with this in case they stop taking me seriously.

Today I am having to wash my jacket, all other coats that were hung up with my jacket. My bedding and pillows and pajamas and towels that I have used and have had to intense shower because a friend gave me something for my daughter in a carrier bag. But later she told me that she had sprayed fly spray in her house. I had held the bag, sat with it rubbing against my jacket, pushed my hair behind my ears, my hair was thus contaminated as well as my jacket I was wearing - onto sleeping and my hair rubbing on the bedding etc. Also all the clothes I was wearing and I had to wipe down my mobile phone because I used that too and the place where I put the phone will need wiping etc. It is exhausting but I know I will feel better after doing this. But I cant tell husband that this is what I'm doing or why because he will be annoyed. In my head though fly spray residue will be on everything and if we touch it and then rub our eyes or put finger in mouth or touch something that food may go on/kettle switch, then this residue will transfer to us. I haven't given my daughter the present yet. I will wash it first and the bag that it was in is now in a big bin bag with the gift resting in there too so it wont contaminate any other surface.

Phew. As you can guess the cards didn't help today this contamination is too real and overrides it. I'll probably be o.k tomorrow though at the moment in my head it is panicky/intense and needs the check list completing.