I suffer from terrible anxiety and intrusive thoughts typically around cheating on my wife. Over a year ago I was out with friends at a casino and got so drunk I partially blacked out. I remember vividly that while I was at a card table a girl sat on my lap. I took a snap of it cause I thought it was funny and that’s all I remember of that situation. When my friends returned to the table they told me she wasn’t on my lap any longer. Apparently she hung out with my friends group for a bit and then we left the casino.
All my friends said that I wasn’t in to her and just keep talking about playing cards and did nothing other than the stupid thing of putting her on my lap. I told my wife and she forgave me.
I’m more worried that I did something more like kiss her. For the longest time I had no memory of kissing her, but I tried to visualize it so much that I feel like I know remember kissing her. I’m not sure if it’s real or not and I feel like I’m losing my mind. Why would I remember this over a year later when I tried so hard to remember it in the first place.
What’s happening to me...
Written by
baseball8899
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Try to learn from your mistake. It sounds as though nothing untoward really happened, that you have been open about it to your wife, and she has forgiven you.
That's really all there should be to it. Try not to obsess about it, or construct scenarios in your mind about what might have happened. Leave it in the past where it belongs.
Since cheating on your wife is rightly so abhorrent to you, it is unlikely that you will actually do so. But get professional help if this is really stopping you from properly enjoying the relationship you have with her.
It's typical of OCD to make us afraid of doing things we would never do. But it might be good to avoid getting blotto in the future!
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