OCD and intrusive thoughts have controlled my life

[mfh010]

I’ve been obsessed by certain thoughts, for about 6 years now, it all started when I was younger and always felt guilty about certain silly things that I had done, and I wouldn’t forgive myself, and then I had the thought “I would sacrifice someone having a good life, to stop feeling guilty this(about the thing stressing me at the time),” My mind then stopped felling guilty about the thing I was feeling guilty about, and started feeling guilty about the thought. I then went on about 4 years of feeling guilty about this, and obsessing over it. And then for about a year, I would have the thought I would sacrifice someone( a certain random person that would change each time) to stop feeling guilty(about the previous thought, about someone else), and this was an on going cycle, I would have the thought I would sacrifice someone to stop feeling guilty about the previous thought and then feel guilty about that. The thought that I have been obsessing over for about a year, is that I was watching an nfl match and I thought “ I would sacrifice a person, to make a team (I was going for) win this game.” The opposing team had the chance to win just had to kick a short field goal, however he missed it, I then started to feel a bit anxious about it. Then when the team I had the thought about also just had to kick a short field goal, I had the thought “I would sacrifice the person, for the team not to win this,” thinking they were about to win, and I therefore could prove my thoughts meant nothing. However they also choked, and now have been feeling guilty all the time and have obsessed over it every day since then, I’m not sure what I can do, its just was i just having these thoughts at such an unlikely time or did my thoughts actually do something.