I've finally done it. Rock bottom; I'm here. He's leaving me and all I can do is hide in my room. I've effectively ruined everything in my life within 7 months. My career, my passion, and now my marriage. I don't have a job, car, or any self respect. I can't afford the medication I need to exist. He blames me for all of it and doesn't realize that waking up takes all of the effort that I have left. "You need help." I've heard this from my loved ones, but they don't know how far help truly is, how difficult it is to touch the forsaken doorknob. How I don't eat for days because I can't stand the smell of the metal stove in the kitchen. How impossibly demanding it is to hear myself repeat a word because it came out wrong or felt wrong in my mouth. The dr I've been speaking with for weeks forgot what I was previously diagnosed with. How do I work to become better when the person I PAY to care about my issues, doesn't even remember me? Yeah, it'll all get better. It's only been 15 years. Time will heal you. If only.
;Alf
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Alf_Bailey-
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Of course you're going to be feeling raw and bruised - it's not nice being dumped. It knocks your sense of self-worth, your confidence, and leaves a hole in your heart where there used to be love. Believe me, it does get better. Don't insist on measuring yourself by it, or by the things you haven't got, like a job or a car.
OCD creeps in where you are most vulnerable, and just as you are trying to cope with things, makes absurd extra demands on you. I hate it when people tell me I need help, I need proper help, I'm not getting the help that I need in that patronizing manner!
It does sound as though you are getting a raw deal, though. Don't pay for a therapist. I know it is a pain having to wait on the NHS but at least you are getting someone properly qualified who isn't just in it for the money. As for not being able to afford medication, make sure that you explain this to your GP, or failing that, go to an organization that helps disabled or mentally ill people navigate the system.
And take care of yourself. Not eating isn't going to make you feel any better. If the cooker at home is no good to you, try getting some kind of portable plug in thing like a slow cooker or halogen cooker. There are plenty of things you can buy that don't need cooking or are pre-cooked as well.
Do reach out to friends and family - they surely wouldn't want to have you hiding away, though you aren't likely to be feeling sociable. People do come up from this kind of thing.
You do need to seek professional help the NHS can offer a lot of help and guidance, I ve had serious OCD and depression for as long as I can remember I'm 54 now and have learned to cope with it, it can really bring you down, but hang on in there Alf this is the 21st century and there is a lot of support out there whether NHS or the thousands of others like myself that suffer to and share. Mine cost my relationships to but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Rusty.
Alf, yes you've hit rock bottom so the only way now is up. You are really poorly right now. You need to call for an ambulance. That would be the quickest way to access the treatment you need. You shouldn't' pay for your prescriptions if you are not working. You need to be calming disability benefits. Don't think or worry about anything that's gone, Don't dwell on those things anymore because every time you do so you re-live the trauma again. So now decide on getting well and look forward not back.
Go to, mind.org.UK. click on" I need urgent help" and read on"finding the right crisis service for you".speak to someone from MIND, tell them what you've written above. You can't cope. I think you need to go to A&E. Call an ambulance or get them to call the ambulance for you.
Please Don't think your Dr doesn't care. He's probably forgotten because they see 20-30 other patients a day and are under a lot of stress with paper work and trying to meet targets. So please Don't see it as a snub.
Affirm to yourself I will beat OCD. I will get well!
Say this everyday even when you Don't feel it. Because that's what you need to hear.
Please keep in touch! My thoughts are with you.
Alf, the advice above is assuming You live in the UK, but having read your post again, I have to ask which country do you live in?
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Intrusive thoughts, anxiety
Mothers day and miserable!
Struggling to cope with what I think is OCD
I feel I’m getting worse 
Well I guess I screwed up again.