There is hope,isn't there?

[ToOz]

Hi people,

Don't even know how to start.On Friday a few of us from work went for a drink,I got drunk and had a bit of a go with my direct boss..couldn't remember but I was told.Called him the next day,apologised and he said it's fine.It's Tuesday but still having these thoughts of losing my job because of it..can't help it,keep coming back.I must've recalled tens of time our conversation when called to apologise to reassure myself it's fine,there's nothing to worry about.It's driving me crazy.Not only on this occasion but for a long time now.Keep rethinking the same thing in my head,repeating things over and over again until a nearly cry..it's really embarrassing.Even when things are going well I think of something bad will happen and become paranoid as well.Don't really have anyone to talk about it with.Sometimes feel completely worthless and hate myself so much I need to fight back the urge to punch myself in the face.I drink and use drugs now and again which I should and will stop..but completely,screwed up enough things because of them..well,because of me being an idiot.It's not been easy to admit to myself that I need help but I think that's the first step.Tomorrow I'm going to see my GP..I want to face and beat my demons!There is hope,isn't there?