Don't even know how to start.On Friday a few of us from work went for a drink,I got drunk and had a bit of a go with my direct boss..couldn't remember but I was told.Called him the next day,apologised and he said it's fine.It's Tuesday but still having these thoughts of losing my job because of it..can't help it,keep coming back.I must've recalled tens of time our conversation when called to apologise to reassure myself it's fine,there's nothing to worry about.It's driving me crazy.Not only on this occasion but for a long time now.Keep rethinking the same thing in my head,repeating things over and over again until a nearly cry..it's really embarrassing.Even when things are going well I think of something bad will happen and become paranoid as well.Don't really have anyone to talk about it with.Sometimes feel completely worthless and hate myself so much I need to fight back the urge to punch myself in the face.I drink and use drugs now and again which I should and will stop..but completely,screwed up enough things because of them..well,because of me being an idiot.It's not been easy to admit to myself that I need help but I think that's the first step.Tomorrow I'm going to see my GP..I want to face and beat my demons!There is hope,isn't there?
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ToOz
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Hi ToOz. You have had a realisation that you need to stop your destructive behaviour with drink and drugs, and you have realised that they are only making your problems worse.. You have now decided it has to stop, and this is now the first step on the road to a better life.A life where your behaviour will not be trying to destroy your life at every turn..You will be in charge-not the drink and drugs- and you'll have clearer thoughts to be able to deal with your situation, and your anxiety and ocd issues..So really well done!🙂
You say you have apologised for your 'party mood' antics and your boss said "its fine".Leave it at that now.Dont spend any more time on it, you cant change what's happened only what you do in the future..But by all accounts no damage has been done on this occasion,so don't bring it up again and move on...
Do something now-go for a walk,the cinema,bake,cook etc-distract yourself and you will soon stop the negative thoughts and worry.It will all be ok.
Thanks for Your time to reply and especially for the kind words..well appreciated!🙂 I think I'll take Your advice and start cooking something.🙂Seriously,I know You're right..I need to focus on the future,not to get stuck in the past.
Thanks again!
Wish You all the best!🙂
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