Severe pain! Not today please.: Good Morning Everyone... - NRAS


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Severe pain! Not today please.

Grammie profile image
14 Replies

Good Morning Everyone. I would like to ask each of you to pls say a prayer for me. I am in severe pain this am. I have so much that has to be done. It will be harder on me not to do than to do. I really do try to be positive and up beat. But the pain is really bad. After my son, daughter in law and three grandsons have been here for 5 days, the house is upside down! Daughter in law does not do anything to help. That is just the way she is. she is either on the computer or playing the WII games. and if she were to do something it is half done. you should see the bed after she makes it up. We have a very small house and within the past 5 days I do believe it went from small to tiny! My husband is at work so I will have to do it all byself. The tmj is really acting up. I cant even open my mouth. Any suggestions for tmj pain? anyway sorry to complain so much. Really I am. I just had to get some of it off my chest. I pray that all is well with each and everyone of you. Take care. and thanks for listening to me whine this morning. Linda

14 Replies
sylvi profile image

Do a bit stop a bit do a bit then stop a bit. Do one corner of the room and have a cup of tea and rest,then do another corner. Section your jobs and then do the ones that need doing the most do them first and probally the less needed jobs won't look so bad. Keep your chin up and keep taking the pills. Will send payers your way. Love sylvi. xx

Grammie profile image

Thanks Sylvi! Have you ever experienced tmj pain? My face is killing me. I can barely open my mouth. It hurts to the touch. Plus this right shoulder and shoulder blade pain. I did take a pill around 6:30 this am, but it is so not helping with the pain it is that severe. I am being so serious at this moment: I do not know how much more of this I can handle. I guess I am just feeling sorry for me today. I am not meaning too, but I am really hurting. Thanks. Linda

in reply to Grammie

Linda, You have every right to feel sorry for you today! My gosh, can't believe a daughter-in-law could be so indifferent!

Before she arrives again, you might talk with your son and explain that, as much as you love seeing them, especially the grandkids, you simply cannot do all there is to do alone! If he can't talk to his wife and tell her that you really need the help, then perhaps he could pitch in. Especially at meal time. I know what a trial that can be, a mass of confusion, chaos, etc!

In the meantime, Sylvie's plan works very well, and you still get things done. It's far easier to prevent the pain than it is to try to get rid of it once it digs into you!

Take care and come back here any time you need to! Loret

helixhelix profile image

Have you got a wheat pillow that you can warm up and cuddle to your jaw? Sometimes heat helps ease the stiff joint and reduces the pain. And even if daughter in law is not expert, can you not ask your son to do a bit more to help you? Don't suffer in silence, but ask for a bit more from them. It maybe that they just haven't even thought that you're in pain & need an extra hand. Either that or retire to bed and shut the door on the lot of them! Polly

I think you should get those relations to give you a hand ! xx

Gina_K profile image

Totally agree with Helix, leave them all to wallow in their mess and retire to bed. I do that all the time. Haha!

My washing machine has a queue of wash baskets at it, I think they thought if they left their washing there I'd do it - in for big disappointment when they get in from work this eve.

A part of pacing is to be able to let things go, so what if your daughter in law does'nt make bed perfect, can't you just close doors so you can't see mess? Some of the rooms in my house would be down right dangerous for me to actually walk into, many hidden dangers under pilesof clothes & damp piles and does anyone ever throw out empty bottles shampoo etc, whats that all about?

, I made a decision long ago to just keep communal areas & my bedroom tidy & clean. If I was to say to my daughters their rooms are in need of good clean, they just say what was I doing in there, so now I don't even bother, its too demoralising.

Linda I hope your pain is easing, am sure all this stress has exaserbated it.

Regards, Gina

Grammie profile image

Thanks Polly, Gina & Summer. The thing is they get to go home. My dil is not a housekeeper, our son had knee surgery yesterday, my husband works 12 hrs a day just to help make ends sort of get close to each other. I think I just needed to get it all off my chest as I feel as if I have anyone who understands. I have taken Sylvi advise performed a few chores, rest, start again,etc. If I try to talk to my parents or sisters, they just say "well dont take pain pillls, they're not good for you" be careful. I just felt lonely and in a lot of pain. I try to remember that "this too shall pass" Again, thanks, gentle hugs to each of you.

sylvi profile image

Grammie, you are also going through the wringer aren't you. Well lets look at this another way. 2011 is nearly gone and lets all pray for a better new year for all of us. I'm not taking anything from what you are suffering,wish i could help you, all i can do is pray and wish you brighter, i can't say better as none of us will get better,just being able to cope would be a miracle wouldn't it. It doesn't half feel good to have a moan doesn't it.

You take care my friend and as my mum used to say the housework will be there long after we are gone, and boy is that true.

Love to you. Sylvi. xxx

Grammie profile image

Thanks Sylvi, I am really trying. It is 2:30. I am almost through with everything. I am taking a break right now. I think this might be a sandwich night for my Husband. I love him so. He does what he can to help. I am just having a whining spell I guess. Tomorrow is a new day. The pain in my right shoulder wont let up. I think I tore the rotator cuff again. This happened in November. I guess it could be worse. I could have a Dr that wouldnt even think of giving me a script for pain medication. Now that would be terrible. Thanks to each and everyone of you oxox Linda

Beth58 profile image

Hi Linda, sorry your feeling so rotten, it's lovely having family stay but it really does take it out of you.

I know exactly how you feel, we all need to sound off to someone sometimes and we don't like to sound off to family for fear of upsetting them.

We are our own worst enemies sometimes and love to get it all done knowing it will give us more pain but we'll feel better mentally with a nice tidy/clean home.

The house will be there long after your gone, so take it easy do what you can and only do one room at a time then rest. I'm sure you have a wonderful husband who understands, ask him to pick up a takeaway for tea when you don't feel well enough to cooking.

Hope you feel better soon.

Beth xx

LavendarLady profile image

Hi Linda, so sorry to see how ill you are feeling and an ungrateful family to boot leaving you to do everything. Your hubbie sounds a love and obviously helps you as much as he can but of course, has to go to work. Suggest next time the family descends on you, you give them a list of the jobs they are expected to do to help you out and tell them that unless they do help, they won't get fed or a bed to sleep in! I think the Americans call it "tough love". But no one does things the way you do them in the house - I know my daughter in law doesn't but she is willing which is half the battle.

I don't suffer from tmj but my grandfather did and I know how much it affected him. He used to be in such pain. The only thing really is pain killers, and warmth on your face. It may also have been triggered by the stress you are undergoing. My grandfather was much worse when my grandmother died and it really brought it on.

Everyone on here has given good advice about pacing yourself and only doing a bit at a time and then have a rest. That really is the best advice you can have. the house will wait until you feel better in yourself and in less pain.

I always say that life is too short to stuff a mushroom - the same goes for hoovering through the house.

I also have rotator cuff problems which cause me agonising pain from time to time. I now see a physio regularly and that is helping as well as the odd steroid injection into the shoulder when it is really bad. Have a word with your consultant and GP and see if the GP will refer you to a physio. It really does help. Hope you will feel better soon. LavendarLady x

joan_w profile image

Will it be the end of the world if it takes 2 or 3 days or even more to tidy up? Do the worst today and leave the rest for another day. I have learnt that you can't buck this disease, try to outsmart it and you will pay dearly.

I have had to come to terms with the fact that everything will take longer to accomplish. As long as I do a bit each day, I get there in the end.

Hope you are feeling better today.


Grammie profile image

Oh Guys, You are all so wonderful for understanding and caring. I do so appreicare it. My family comes every weekend! That is one of the problems. Dont get me wrong I love them so much, but I do get tired. Our son is rebuilding a car and theylive about 90 minutes away, so to save on gas they stay here from Friday pm until Sunday pm. This past weekend it was for 5 days, I dont mean to be so picky in the house, but I love to see it clean. It was the way I was raised I guess. I try to tell myself that it could be worse. But today I do feel better due to the fact that I dont have so much to do. I pray each and everyone of you have a wonderful day. I send a warm gentle hug to each of you and again thanks so much for understanding. That means more to me than anything. I hope you understnad, I am not good with words but do know that I appreciate every word and thought! xoxoxox...... Linda

LavendarLady profile image

Hi Linda, I would be inclined to say to the family they cannot stay every weekend - your health and well being are far more important than your son rebuilding a car and saving on the gas! Could your hubby have a word with them about helping more if they do come and explain the effect it has on you? My son is always concerned about me and every time he phones or I see him his first question is always "are you ok mum".

A big hug back to you. Put your feet up now and rest. Love LavendarLady x

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