This morning i got up at before 6am. Again i am in so much pain. My fingers, knees and toes,shoulders as well. and not forgetting my eyes are bad as well. Sorry this is going to sound so depressing today so i apologise beforehand.
I sat down here until about 9am and i thought instead of trying to sleep down here i would go and get into bed. So off i trot and got into bed. Hubby came up and i started crying and i couldn't stop. Hubby got a bit upset with me and that made things worse. He feels so helpless as he can't do nothing to help me. Not that he is not doing anything,he has taken over the household and he cooks and cleans for me. So i can't complain on that front. He ended up going off to do the shopping and i tried to rest,not much luck on that score either,because all i did was doze. The crying had subsided by the time he had got back hapily for him. He gave me a cuddle and that is very soothing.
The after affects of this morning are i am still in pain and now i have taken two doses of pain killers and it hasn't made much of a difference to the pain. Now i am not of a suicidal nature so what i am going to next will not be carried out... I have said if i could go to sleep and not wake up i wouldn't be unhappy about,also i said if i knew if i could take all the pain killers and do away with myself i could do it. I have seen that either option wouldn't work,also most of the time i am an optomist so these feelings are not natural to me. I have a good marriage and a happy loving husband so perhaps you'll understand that it is the pain and nothing else that is causing these feelings in me.
Hopefully tomorrow i will be in a better frame of mind,if not i will be sent to the asylum......
I have got to get my nails done at 1pm so i have had to drag myself to get dressed and ready to go out.
Hope you all have a better day and painfree one at that. xxxxx
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sylvi
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oh sylvi, that is awful , can empathis very well as my neck and hands hurt alot today too, maybe the weather, it also makes me feel down too when it wet and chilly . I hope the getting your nails done cheers you a bit and you feel better later if not then tomorrow.
you are normally so chipper so mayybe relax and look forward to tomorrow when you will feel a bit happier , Big hug xxx
Thank you ladies, I have just spoken to my rheumy nurse and offloaded to her how i am with the pain and also told her that if i was of that persaussion i could take all the pills. Anyway i am seein a pschycolgist tomoorrow for a routine appiontment so she has said that i have to speak to her about what is happening today and as claire is in tomorrow i have to go and see her and let her know how i got on. So that is where i stand at the moment,so we will see what happens. This is the first time in nine years that i have been this bad.
Well thank you ladies for your thoughts and hugs and i hope normal service will soon be resumed. Sylvi.xx
Hi Sylvi
Sorry you feel so bad today, all I can offer is gentle hugs. You have been in so much pain for so long now, I don't know how I would cope.
I think all you can do is rest as much as possible and catch any sleep (naps) you can.
Thanks mary,i just keep going thats all i can do. love sylvi.xx
You've been in so much pain for ages, I just don't know how you keep going. Although that's a daft thing to say because you keep going because you are you, and you have such support and because, as you say, everything's fine apart from the pain.
It gets you down, naturally. What else can be done for the pain? There must be something?
Keep taking the pills christina, I was supposed to see the pschcolgist tomorrow but had a phone call to cancel,i thought just what i need,so i an hoping that i sleep better tonight and wake up in a better frame of mind as my nurse said i should go to the drs asap. I told her about the appt tomorrow and i was then to go and see afterwards to let her know how i get on. I will ring her in the morning and see if she wants me to go down and see her.
Thank you for your wishes it helps knowing so many of you care how i am.
Hi Sylvi,think it would be a good idea to ring the nurse and hopefully she will still see you,might be just what you need.Shame about the cancelled app. though ,have they offered you another one.
You were off the MTX for quite a time so will probably take a while to get any benefit from it again,frustrating i know.
Thank ypu beth,yes i am going next friday instead of tomorrow. I will defintely ring the rheumy nurse. I hope the mtx will work this time as i felt it was very good when i took it before. It has been very hard since xmas,but i'll keep taking the pills and one foot in front of the other one.
MTX keeps the worst pain and swelling at bay in my case but as soon as i have to come off it, as just recently twice in 8 wks i feel i'm back to square one.Been stuck in for last 2 days with a bad flare in left elbow and knee and forced rest,i just hate it. Nevermind, doing inj. later that will be the second since shingles so hopefully the weekend will be better.Hope yours is too,who knows the sun might even come out !!
I's so sorry you are in such pain, I pray tomorrow's appointment brings some relief & mtx works for you. You have been battling this bad spell so long.
Yes beth it is, i will post some photos perhaps sunday when i am sitting here resting again!
Sylvi.xx
Hi Sylvi,
I hope you get some respite soon from all that is going on with your body and pain. Rest up for the next 24 hours and take it slowly at the wedding, maybe it will help to take your mind of the pain, cliche I know.
Have you any 'knock out' pain killers that you could take over the next 24 hours to help ease. I call all my painkillers one, two and three, one = 1-5 two = 5-8 three = 8+ knock out! - using the scale of the rhumy nurse as 1 being low and 10 at the highest. I expect you have but don't take them all at once! You are so inspiring to us all and normally a happy chappie, and yes if you feel like crying today you have a jolly old whell, maybe there are some of us out there who will join you.
God Elaine i don't want any of you feeling like i am feeling. I am hoping that now i have hit the lowest point that i want to go. So hopefully the only way is up.
I think a bath and bed is the best place for me tonight.
Thinking of you sylvi. Hope tomorrow brings some sunshine to you. I admire you do much and get so much courage from reading your blogs. Hope you get some quality sleep. Was wondering if you got your nails done Olympic style (red white and blue) x jo
Jo my nails are gold and silver,i had them done as tomorrow we are at a wedding in the village. I am trying to help myself,but yesterday i couldn't help myself at all. I think sometimes this disease just gets to us and yesterday was my day. My mantra has always been that i wouldn't give in to this b""""y disease, but yesterday it did.
Heres hoping for a better day for me and each and every one of you. Sylvi.xx
Awww Bless You Sylvia, just read this Blog, What is it u tell Me, Dont say things like that, I know though, this is how we feel sometimes, Thankfully you have lovely Bob, who you think about, and family, that would be devestated to lose you that way, I think these are Blessings in Your life, When I have discussed this same feeling, it is because i am so sick and tired of being, sick and tired and helpless and in Pain, and no one to help me, I am sure it is so hard on Bob, as he feels helpless, and you must feel like a burden for him sometimes as he always seems to need your help, shame is, the ones closest are the ones dragged into our lives of Pain, At least you could try to work with Bob, that is you do get a day, where you have a better day, Make it a BoB day, to show your appreciation of him being a part of your life, Nat as your carer, but as the man you fell in love with, Your life partner, and maybe the bad times wont be so bad on him, as he will know you need him more than someone to care for you, That you need him to be your husband as well, I keep you in My thoughts and prayers and Miss u too, I look at My crystal daily, as it is in my fromt window, on the curtain rail in the sunlight and it is beautiful,
I was Lucky to Have Rachel stop by for 3 hour visit last night again, As usual, Sherry STILL has not taken, and time to come to see my flat or visit me, My carer, Clare, just went away for 10 days, but she came and spent time with me for a few hours had tea, cigs sunshine and conversation, I really do enjoy my quality, not quantity friends, and although I dont go out much or far if I do, I try to appreciate the small things, in order to fight myself getting to that devestated point, I will Think of You and keep you up to date xx
Lisa,looking at your answer i can see your having another bad night,so i am sending you lots of hugs.
Yes i am lucky in the fact that i have bob and no i wouldn't contemplate suicide, i'm just saying thats how the pain made me feel. My mums health was not good in 1976 and she had a plaster cast on her back and she was that bad with the pain/depression that she took an overdose and she was rushed to hospital and i know how hard it was as a family. My dad was angry at her too and now looking back on it i can see his anger was frustration and helplessness at not being able to ease her pain.
I went to bed early and just rested,i was in bed by 7pm and now it is 5am and i am down here again,but i don't feel as down as i was yesterday. I think my meltdown has eased all the pent up frustration i was feeling. Though i am still in pain this morning i am not so frustrated as i was yesterday. This site has been a blessing for me as i can put my true feelings online and being able to let it go has made life easier at home for bob and grace. I don't know why bob saw yesterdays meltdown as i have been so careful not to let it get to that stage.
I am in pain again this morning,but my head feels clear. I will see what the day brings. I get very fed up with sitting and resting and i think what happened yesterday is because i am soo frustrated with this disease. I know my rheumy nurse is doing all she can to help and i have nothing but praise for her. You have my phone number so you can ring me,have you got my home number if you haven't let me know and i will text it to you.
My love and friendship to you and i hope that when you read this later you will have had some good quality sleep. Love sylvia.xxx
i also had these thoughts but like you i have a fab hubby and children im only 42 my dad was 27 i do take after him iv just had 2 flare ups the pain does get to me but hopeing to feel better soon as im going away cyprus lets hope the hot days will make me feel good im sure it will i sometimes ask god why have i got this there s 8 of us and i get this i dont get it , i want to be normal again my hands was that bad the other day i couldnt hold a pen my feet my knees i had shot cortisone yesterday when i first got report back saying i had RA i really did feel like a pin cushion lol never mind just got to get on with it x
Yes Shelly we do have to get on with it.Like you i have a fab hubby and i wouldn't be able to manage like i have without him.
I see people on here and when i'm out and about who have gnarled hands and i think i'm not like that as my fingers haven't looked like that,but they are starting to turn. I have never considered myself as bad as everyone else who seem to have it so hard,but after yesterday i have started to realise that this disease is making me ill and i didn't realise how ill i was.
I have always said that god only gives us what we can cope with. Only the strong can put up with what we all have to put up with this disease. It was a shock for me yesterday as i have always been able to stay on top of this wretched disease.
Never mind, heres to all us strong minded people on here who are marvelous with their support and i salute you all. love Sylvi.xx
thanks sylvi it is good to chat with others and support each other i even asked my doct will they ever find a cure he said no i think we have to be strong i do believe we are all given a map at birth this is gonna be a long road im so glad i found this site xx
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Something on another thread, got me thinking
Me Again.
