Harumph..... is it all in my head I wonder...

Now you know what it is like to imagine all the worse things that can happen only to find out things aren't that bad after all. It is usually 3 or 4 in the early hours of the morning that I start to think bad things. Well what's happening to me??? Right quick recap. I come back off holiday last Oct, and see a Rheummy cons. and get told I have RA. Oh soditalmighty. Bit expected but bit strange because I had been having regular blood tests with GP because my hands looked like footballs and had been told now RA indicated it might be gout.. right ta.

Ok. Go downhill very quickly because I have to come off Diclofenac. I had been told to up them (from 2 to 3 per day) whilst I waited for the Mtx prescription, but they made me dizzy and sick. By time I had the Mtx tabs in my little mits I was, well to say the least, suicidal with pain, stiffness, depression - t'was awful.

Get on the old MTx start to feel a bit better by about 7-9 weeks. Had to go back on the "happy pills" though because still depressed. After upping MTx dose to 20mg, begin to feel a lot better. Start new lifestyle diet lose a bit of weight and then last week bloods indicate that RA is under control. Whooppeee. I have had a lucky escape. So far so good. Feel like I have been through the mill, up the mountain, down dale and round and round a bit.

Went away last week. Brilliant. Lovely relaxing break with the loved one the Rt Hon Leader. B and B was fantastic, lovely days out, weather not too bad. Diet easy to keep to as Mevagissey is brimming with fish, and every restaurant and pub sold crab, or salmon, or other fish salads, which were excellent. My sandals which cost an enormous amount of money were well worth it, because they really felt like I was walking on air. They took all the shock, and I managed to walk around the Eden Project with appropriate rests. I slept like a log and woke every morning refreshed. Fant-blooming-tastic...

Got home late on Friday night. Saturday morning arrived... argghhh stiffy old legs. Ok. Could have been all the walking. Sunday stiffy fingers as well, could be having to work. I had to come home Sunday at around 12 felt ill. The old thick head and painful back, aching muscles, stiff ankles, fingers, toes.

So there I was at 3.53 this morning, wide awake, my back caning, the weight of the duffet (summer one!) hurt my ankles and my knee was throbbing. Tired to death but couldn't sleep!

Theory one:-

Allergic to chickens

Theory two:-

Standing around picking up eggs is no good for me.

Theory three:- It's all in my head??? Just don't want to go out to work

Theory four:- the house in on a bad ley line and it needs spiritual cleansing??

Well I don't know!!

The only painkillers I took whilst I was away were two paracetamol tablets the first morning. I didn't need any after that. Now I feel like a junkie waiting for the four hours to go by so I can take some more.

I have an awful sense of impending doom. This is the quiet before the storm farmwise. As soon as the weather dries we will be cutting, turning, raking and baling grass. (Vegetarians look away now ) - moving the stock around, taking fat lambs to market and getting the sheds ready for the haylage and the winter.

I feel like poo.... I can't work, don't want to work - what is it? After all my RA is under control...Don't qualify for benefits as far as I can see. Anyone looking at me would say well you walk, talk and chew gum at the same time, get your ass out there... does anyone know of any rich old men looking for a wife???? Oh there's always the lottery, million pound drop, deal or no deal? ah well..never mind in another 11 years I can retire and collect my pension, if I'm lucky.

Take care peeps. Julie xx

P.s. talking of spiritual cleansing, I went to see a clairvoyant in Cornwall, now that's another blog.....

[Hidden]

yes allergic to chickens wink wink !!got your ticket julie?? just got mine .

You might have over done it on hol and its caught up with you>? as far as i know i dont qualify for benefits though getting into the bath tad hard now.. seeing occupational therapy dept wed morn before work, REST put your feet up for a view days get the young boys to do the work. you do need to know wether its gout or ra!!, if gout purines found in shelfish makes symptons worse but not in ra¬#

alison

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hmm I suppose it could be catching up with me. It just bugs me, just how we are supposed to gauge things and pace yourself if you can't trust what your body is telling you.? I am getting ticket next thing to do online.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

did mine at 430 pm over phone to emma got rest for birthday boy.. give him a birthday kiss later and cake with ?? candles he will be fine xx

rest up x

[Tiasteph]

Oh my!!! This was almost written for me by you

I also was away last week in sunny Majorca, I was a tad apprehensive as I'd been having a flare before leaving, however once there all aches (well nearly) dissipated. I walked further than normal, with just the odd knee twinges. I ate the dreaded pasta & bread & even though "sod it" & had a couple of Mojito's…lovely Do you know, I was just fine.

Arrived home midnight Saturday & on waking on sunday felt as though I'd either been in a car wreck or boxing ring??!! Have felt poo ever since.

So I am also thinking is it my house (really old & damp) or this area Thames Valley?? Who knows….

Hey ho…glad you had a lovely time. xx

[Hidden in reply to Tiasteph]

Good lord Steph, it's so strange. Mind you, you went to a slightly warmer climate than I did. I feel so bad too because it is actually R.H's birthday today and he is having to do all the work! Glad you had a good break though.

Julie xx

[Tiasteph in reply to Hidden]

Aww…am sure R.H totally understands, you would if roles were reversed.

So long as there is a cake as I said to a friend today (as mine b/d is coming up) the cake is all I look forward to on birthdays now, lol.

Yes it is strange, but then RA is, & just when you wonder…it reminds you it's still there, large as life, lol…

Guess we have to grab hold of the good days & count as a blessing, not fair I know, but then life isn't!

Wish your hubby a Happy Birthday

xx

[Hidden in reply to Tiasteph]

you devil.. they make me cry mjitos had one once before ra xx

[Hidden in reply to Tiasteph]

mojtos make me cry ! when i drink these lol.. given them after i tried them about 6/7 years ago lol x

[Tiasteph in reply to Hidden]

lol…I'm virtually teetotal but I love em so just had the one...on three occasions no tears…xx

[Gina_K]

Welcome back Julie!! Glad you had good hol! Will have to think about my reply, I think its just changing beds and a tad overdoing it and maybe expecting this old disease just to go away:(. Anyway, busy watching Barrack Obamas visit to Ireland - open air concert in Dublin & we hoping U2 going to play! Westlife on Now - Why are all these people coming to Dublin? Talk later star struck at mo!

[Gina_K]

Ps. Its not in your head, I sometimes think I don't really have RA & I am imaging aches in knees elbows etc. The work aversion is natural! Haha!

[Hidden in reply to Gina_K]

Hi Gina, I replied to this once, but it's not here.... I seem to be making a habit of that! You do indeed sound star struck! I sometimes think perhaps they got it wrong and I don't have RA and then I feel guilty because I have had a day off when I dont really have RA. Yes aversion to work natural.... haha

Take care... Julie xx

[Hidden]

its called denail according to one of those 3 books that I have read see my new blog xx

[emandedmum]

Glad you had a good time and were able to get out and about...sometimes it is a case of mind over matter. Last summer we ebayed everything we owned and went to York for 2 days with the kids. I managed to do everything...it was our only 'holiday' and I was determined for the RA to take a back seat. It goes to show that we can manage to shove it aside but ultimately it does return and often with more gusto than before Unfortunately, the combination of activity and lack of pain meds have probably resulted in a bit of a flare - a few days out now is what you need to re-coup. You'll have to tell R.H that he needs to take you away for a good 3 weeks next time, I reckon that way you get a rest, can be busy in the middle and get more rest before returning home...!! Take care xx

[Hidden in reply to emandedmum]

Hi Jo. Yes I think it can be mind over matter. I was determined to have a good rest and enjoy myself when we went away,but I am not quite so determined to get to work!!?? Three weeks sounds good I will break it to him gently ha ha :-).

Julie xx

[emandedmum in reply to Hidden]

I know, it's a bit like me and getting out of bed...roll on half term

I'm sure he's love to whisk you away for 3 weeks, failing that go with the girls...! xx

[Hidden]

Hi Julie,

Good to have you back

My thoughts on this - we 'rise to the occasion' with high days and holidays on a surge of adrenaline and then crash when we get back. Being in the safe zone of acceptable blood tests doesn't mean that you won't have flares.

Better it hitting you when you get home than being sick on your hols!

I factor in recovery time when planning for hols or breaks - ie I'm going to a 3 day Hen Night and Wedding Combo in August - am staying an extra day in the hotel to recover before driving home and arriving a day early to recover from the drive there - so 5 days so far - then keeping my work diary clear for the following 4 days getting me to the next weekend.This 'excessive' amount of time is what I know from experience I require to recover.

My body won't like the longer days, the 'dancing' round the handbags (my own personal version of the walking stick shuffle), the extreme sports outdoor challenge (I will be observing!) the increased standing and walking, the tempur mattress-free bed, etc etc but I will have fun and if I'm lucky I will avoid a flare and my best chance of doing this is to have an exceedingly quiet time when I return.

So rest, pain-killers, no fretting and you'll back to your chicken-chasing best - be kind to yourself and enjoy the happy memories

Hugs,

Cece x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Cece, I am loving my feet as we speak... It really does work I believe. I am also getting into the rebounding and determined to get back to my diet, I do actually feel a little better this morning, and today I have number one son and heir to take over. I was going to start the over 50's swimming morning today, but think I will give it a miss this week. Thanks for the hugs.

Julie xx

[Hidden]

hi julie how are you> got your nras ticket yet? alison x

[Hidden]

Hi, yes all purchased!

[Hidden]

Hi Julie

Welcome back, you have been missed.

My theory on all this is that pressure and stress are the key.

RA is unpredictable and restrictive so when ever we know we have to do something the pressure is on and the ....can I..... can't I...merry go round starts up.

At home you RH an son and heir all have a role /s to play

that's pressure 1 merry go round starts whirring

You need a slow start so they are all ready at it

that's pressure 2 guilt cos you can't keep up

You get fatigue you just cannot ignore so have to stop work

that's pressure 3 cos they keep going

They now have to do your chores

that's pressure 4 more guilt cos they are carrying you

All the household chores waiting for you

that's pressure 5

all this brings financial implications

that's pressure 6 I could go on but you get the picture.

When you go on holiday these pressures do not apply all you and RH have to do is relax and enjoy, it's a holiday it's allowed.

That's why the RA relaxes as well cos it's not being put under pressure.

My advice is get the DLA forms - you get the pensions service or citizens advice to complete the form for you remembering to answer every question with how you are on your worst day ie can't do anything.

The DLA money will ease the pressures or pay for a little help, and you could relax more and retrain for something that you can do and enjoy and hopefully be financially rewarding to.

Why do we all feel like a fraud on good days?

take care

Sue xx

[Hidden]

Oh thanks Sue. This was so good to read. You put it so succintly for me rais all about the emotion surrounding it. How you describe the stresses, so true... I have just applied for what used to be called Incapacity benefit, its now... oh god can't remember... something else. I was told DLA was not for me,. but that was only an online assessment. Do you think I ought to try it anyway?

Yes I feel a fraud on good days...

you take care too

Julie xx