Update

[Carolsos]

Well I start back at work on Monday after being on holiday for 2 weeks. I text work to see if my boss was back and she won't be back for another few weeks, complications with covid. I asked who do I contact about a complaint about a staff member if she is not available? The woman I spoke to said, well that would be me! She is the restaurant manager. Or I could speak to a temporary manager. I don't trust the restaurant manager as she is friends with the guy I am complaining about. I said anything I text you needs to be strictly confidential! She said ok, but she may have shown the text already to someone before I asked that! I am absolutely dreading going to work after what happened on the Friday before my holiday. I have found out that the guy I am complaining about is not at work that day, which is good for me.

I have actually been looking for another job over this!

I have written the letter about the incident and once I speak to the temp manager I will see where it will go. I rang HR but they had closed until Monday.

I have since spoken to my son's partner who is a deputy manager on a rival firm and she was disgusted about how they have treated me! I have been mulling it over the whole 2 weeks while on holiday, the fact there was no reaction from him, no sympathy or empathy, evening being human from him!! I will let you know how it goes on Monday. Take care everyone

[sylvi]

Thats not nice when you have to complain is it. I bet it spoiled your holiday darling. Hugs. xxxx

[AgedCrone]

I’d go softly softly with your complaint…..you say you are looking for another job….I know what happened was unspeakable…but if you are offered a good job….don’t forget you will need a reference…..& that manager of yours does not sound like a forgive & forget kind of person.If you can concentrate on getting that new job…..& try to hold fire for a few weeks….it might turn out less stressful for you in the end?

Good luck with that new job.

[Oshgosh in reply to AgedCrone]

I think Aged Crone is right.If you’re looking to change jobs,you’ll need a reference.

I know the whole thing is awful,but you need to tread carefully.

I’m sorry if this upsets you,but I’m thinking of a good outcome for you.

[Carolsos in reply to Oshgosh]

I won't just leave, I will sort this out, I have had time to calm down now. But I am reporting him to HR as I don't think it will get sorted in house at my work! Thank you for your replies guys. Take care.

[Deeb1764 in reply to Carolsos]

I believe most references these days are date started and date ended and strict questions but acas have more info. However it has to be fatual and if they lie and you can prove it this is slander so most companies try for the basic brief reference.this link is ACAS re references

acas.org.uk/providing-a-job...

Personally I would carry on regardless with your complaint but make sure there is a paper trail and not texts. Must be emails and written plus a summary of any face to face. If you are putting a complaint in and the person is not taking notes you need to ask why not.

ACAS website has a tonne of info on how to deal with a complaint and worth reading so you are armed and dangerous!

[3LittleBirds2 in reply to Carolsos]

I think you're doing the right thing by reporting it for what it's worth, it may stop this behaviour happening to someone else in the future. This is the thing, we don't complain for fear of reprisals but it takes strength to stand up for what is right! Employers by law are not allowed to give you a bad reference unless they feel it's accurate and true, but they must have the evidence to back this up if you contest it , they can refuse to give you a reference also I think! . Do you have witnesses..this is powerful if so and a Union too. Best wishes and good luck x

[KittyJ in reply to AgedCrone]

I don’t agree that she should go softly softly, she was treated appallingly. They have to give her a fair and accurate reference, she can challenge it if they don’t. The guy in question won’t be giving her the reference anyway, it’ll be her manager.

[Carolsos in reply to KittyJ]

Yes my manager will be giving me my reference.

[AgedCrone in reply to KittyJ]

I just thought it would be less stressful…..if Carolsos finds another better job, to put it down to one of life’s nastier experiences….resigns professionally, & walks away & gets on with her life without having an inquest to battle through.

She does say she doesn’t trust the restaurant manager because she is friends with the man who behaved so badly….her immediate manager sounds as if she will be off work for a while, so why go through a long drawn out he said she said…..when the cards seem stacked against her?

As you say, it can be arranged for the off sick manager to provide the reference ….& sort out the culprit when she’s back at work,

After all…revenge is always best served cold isn’t it?

[3LittleBirds2 in reply to KittyJ]

Totally agree with you! 🙌🏻

[medway-lady]

It's an awful and very upsetting situation but AG has summed it up nicely. I hope you get the new job and can then put this unpleasant incident behind you. Rise above it and stay strong. xxxx

[nomoreheels]

How are you feeling Carol, aside from the job situation? Have the symptoms abated or are you still having problems? I hope not, but if you do I hope you find out the cause & it's easily remedied. Take care.

[Pippy25]

I have been reading what has been going on in the background Carolsos and my heart goes out to you in what is a horrible situation. You have been treated appallingly and from my own experience would say keep a record of events, make sure things are put in writing, quietly go about finding other work if that is what you feel you need to do. Also seek some employment advice from say a union or ACAS, but mainly look after your health as things such as this can have the capacity to escalate or exacerbate conditions and illnesses. Never forget you are number one, take it from someone who took over a 30 year career of thinking of others, putting others first etc etc to realise this. I really hope this situation can be resolved for you in the best way possible and if this means new horizons or change I wish only the best for you. You deserve respect and to be/feel valued and it will be their loss if you move on to other things. Take care xx

[Carolsos in reply to Pippy25]

Thank you so much for your lovely reply, I have been at my job for 13 years. I am a good breakfast chef! After being shouted at for being ill, I know I am a better person than the person that was shouting at me and thought I cannot let this carry on any longer.

[Pippy25 in reply to Carolsos]

Absolutely, you are the better person by far. What people need to remember is there for the grace of god go I, no one chooses to have or wants this horrible disease we have and just as it came into our lives it can happen to anyone and how would they wish to be treated if this were them. I completely understand you not wanting to let it go on any longer, so you must do what you feel is right for you. xx