Pain and a sex life,to be or not to be....

[sylvi]

I have a wonderful man who i have been married to for nearly 32 yrs. He is a right old worrier when it comes to his health. My health he can take in his stride. There was a post on here about sex life. I am sad to say my sex life has gone down the pan,but it is hubbys health that was the cause of it. He was worried for a while and i told him i would rather have him without sex as long as he still loves me which he does. Yes i would love a sex life,but its not the be all and end all,we are very happy,yes we would both like a sex life. People change when we become ill and yes they do do see us differently and yes they do get impatient with us,but i am sure no more impatient than we feel with ourselves when our body is attacking itself. I had a crying fit this morning upstairs and hubby came up and found and he just held me until i had finished crying and then we drank the tea he had brought up. I felt less tension in my body despite my being in so much pain. I have love in my life even if i can't have sex, and after so long i have forgotten what it is like(liar,i have got used to it) If anything happened to him i wouldn't bother with another man anyway as he is the love of my life and nobody could fill that void. If a man loves you,he takes everything in his stride regarding yours and his health and if sex goes then so be it love is still there.

This is how it is in my case and it is only how i feel with my situation. xxxx

[Hidden]

When you find your true life partner, it's the little things like cups of tea made that shows the biggest intimacy. Or the looking at you and saying liar when you say feel good, they know the true you.

[dtech]

You don't say what caused your OH to not be able to have sex anymore, I.e what illness or disability, or just plain worry. As there are many treatments and drugs available now. But I agree with what you say, intimacy and love overrides just the physical side of things. And as long as you are both happy, that's all that counts.

[cathie]

That tenderness you describe is worth so many nights of hot passion. Just to be comforted like that is wonderful. I know because I cry for pain and things I can't do any more and my special person shares it with me too. Xxxx

[Ailsa-NRAS Partner NRAS]

Sounds like you have a wonderful partner, however, there are things that can be done and can help to restore intimacy even if it can't be the same as it used to. If you haven't seen it, please do go onto our website nras.org.uk and download our 'Emotions, Relationships and Sexuality' booklet.

Best wishes

Ailsa

[sylvi in reply to Ailsa-NRAS]

Ailsa apart from my health problems our marriage is good even without sex,i am happy as long as my hubby is alright and not getting het up because he can't perform.I love him and i know he loves me so that is how it stands with us.xxx

[Ailsa-NRAS Partner NRAS in reply to sylvi]

That's brilliant. Good luck to both of you.

Ailsa

[chlopage]

good for you silvi xx (am with rheumy nursey today - expect a post later on!)

chlo x

[carotopgal]

They say the third time is the charm, and I have to say it's true. My husband and I have been married 17 years and we are each others third try at marriage. He sounds much like your husband. He is the kindest, gentlest, smartest, most wonderful man I've ever known. And when you've found "the one", that makes life so worthwhile, at least for me. This disease is hard enough to handle even when you have a loving supporting companion at your side. I can't even imagine being so ill and not having someone. My sister has Lupus, and she isn't married. I see how much harder it is for her in her life trying to handle everything alone. I feel blessed to have my husband. And I'm so glad that you have such a wonderful spouse too!! Gentle hugs!