Armour - more random poetry

[Azabat]

I've had my quota of complaining I think,

And feel a familiar weight settle.

First the heavy lie of a smile,

Then the rest of my suit.

I'm used to it now and it's simple,

As easy as 'Thank you, I'm fine',

As glib as 'doing my best',

But it's false as Spring's first promise,

As cruel as Winter's kiss.

Underneath that armour,

I ache and I grieve and rage.

My knuckles crackle electric pain,

And my weary mind won't settle or rest.

It's not simple at all underneath,

Not tidy or quiet or fine,

And the best I can do is so insufficient,

That I'd laugh if I could,

Perhaps some day I will.

Just not today, no,

Just not now.

-M Statham 2015

[olive2709]

How about this as a break down of FINE

F= Fed up or any other f word

I= Insecure

N=Neurotic

E= emotional

In my family if you say you are fine this is quoted back at you

Is that that the whole word or one particular letter

Olive

[Azabat in reply to olive2709]

Yeah, when I'm caught saying it, my family's quick to point that out. They usually know it's synonymous for 'feeling awful, but not willing to admit it.

[Hidden in reply to Azabat]

Bless you Azabat. Hope things improve soon! Are you still waiting for mtx to kick in? Forgive me I forget.

Kiki x

[Azabat in reply to Hidden]

I'm still waiting for the mtx, yes, and I'm going to call my rheumy today to talk about pain management. I can't take otc NSAID's because I have chronic acute gastritis, as well as diverticulosis, and believe me, nobody wants to make those cranky. I hope things improve, too, but I'm frustrated and unhappy right now. Ah, well. I bought tea today. It's almost as good as a cure. xx

[Hidden in reply to Azabat]

I love my tea so I'm with you there! Hope your rheumy has some pearls of wisdom for you.

[Hidden in reply to olive2709]

Good one Olive, I've not heard that before. Lovely that your family get it!

[Jeanabelle60]

thanks so much......you always manage to put into words what I'm sure the rest ofus feel at one time or another........it will pass luv, there will be better days ahead. XX

[Azabat]

Thanks Jeanabelle, I have to trust in better days, and I'm trying very hard not to wear my 'happy me' armour all the time. XX backatacha

[carotopgal]

You've summed up how I feel at the moment. Thank you for sharing! It is much appreciated.

[somaiah]

nic