As some of you lovely people know, I was diagnosed mid December with RA after months of pain and stiffness and put on Methotrexate. My mum had severe RA for 30 years preceding her death in 2009 so I've seen how severe it can be. I saw my consultant today (still private due to NHS waiting list...) who agreed that my RA was totally not under control on 15mg of Methotrexate. So, he's upped my dose to 20mg and added in hydroxychloroquine and amitriptyline to help me sleep. He'd like me to start methotrexate injections once I'm on the NHS. All very positive. Then he gave me my DAS. I've not had mine done before but I understand how important it is to know and to aim for a lower score. So mine was 4.85. I was actually quite shocked. My blood tests had been normal. He mentioned biologics. I was expecting in the 3's. Medications don't frighten me but I just really wish my mum was hear to talk to about it all, she knew all about RA and knew the NRAS ladies (some came to her funerals). I can talk to my aunt but she's not well with her RA. My husbands great but doesn't know what to say. I can't communicate easily with my dad over FaceTime...I'm not seeing him until the summer. My sister is really busy (lives 3 hours away) and sometimes I just really want my mum to be here to hold my hand. Mind you, she was so ill the last few years she found the whole disease so hard to see in her daughter. Not sure how she would have felt about all this. My twins turned 2 last Sunday and this week has been the hardest week. They've been poorly with a horrid virus which has led to ear infections and conjunctivitis and I've picked it up on top of it all. I couldn't send them to nursery yesterday as they weren't well enoug but they weren't ill enough to be in bed all day either! A long week. Thankyou for reading. I'm such an upbeat, busy person but occasionally I find these moments a bit overwhelming but nowhere to turn too.