Physical withdrawal is over so strong cravings are gone.
But psychologically I am still a smoker and am going through triggers like right after I get in my car and drive out of work, any time I get excited or happy, any time I am having fun talking to someone, as well as wanting to smoke while doing gardening, while writing, and after meals.
I catch myself bargaining that "maybe I am gonna die really young anyway, so I can totally get away with being a smoker!"
But its the better quality of life I want.
In this moment I would love to grab the blackest tobacco with the highest nicotine content and roll it up and give it one of those throat hits that pierce your brain--a parlayzing focus that strikes in the center of the forehead and that hits just the spot...
Will I go through the rest of my life without experiencing that amazing high ever again?
Yes, because that is truth. To smoke is utter nonsense. One knows this so now one must live up to that truth. And besides, the positives far outweight the cons; I have stopped coughing, breathe better, sleep waaaay better, am way calmer, have waay more energy, and parts of my witty personality have come back.
I am picking up where the 14 year old me left off...learning how to deal with my emotions without pleassure sticks as a crutch.
I want this change! I have to make this work! I know I am actually, truly, a non smoker...obviously, right? So I have to be the true me then and quit this old dumb habit.