Very strange / weird weekend

Today is Day 60 of my quit and shockingly I have been thinking a good bit about smoking and that "just one cigarette" both yesterday and today - it passed yesterday after I took into cleaning like a maniac - 2 bathrooms spotless, scrubbed tiles on walls, hoovered every room in the house, polished etc... and then sat down to watch Saturday night TV and was fine, today I am thinking the same, not as bad. The weather is just horrendous with wind and rain all weekend and have not been out of the house since I came home from work Friday, so think that has played a big part, boredom drives me mad and was a one of the reasons I started smoking again 10 years ago.

A couple of days ago, I posted as I headed into Week 9 that I was comfortable and happy in my quit!? This is it, really have to keep that guard up at all times and be ready to attack for the rest of my life as an ex smoker. Little did I know when I started smoking at 13 years of age, "to be cool", how I would be an addict for the rest of my life. It is some roller coaster of a journey and learning something new every day of my quit.

Has/is anyone experiencing this at this stage of their quit?

28 Replies

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  • Hi Rowens

    First of all you've come too far to think about 'just one cigarette'. Look at me, I did that and I ended up smoking on and off for almost a year until I came to my senses.

    I think everyone experiences these feelings now and again for a very long time when they stop smoking. It's the price we pay for ever having smoked, that's all.

    I can't deny that I used enjoy smoking but it's just a nasty habit that we're all better off without.

    You know after 9 weeks that you are perfectly capable of living a normal life without smoking entering in to it. You know that's what YOU really want.

    I'm now speaking from my own personal point of view so you might not agree with me and I'm not saying I'm right: What I think you've got to focus on now is to not to think back with fond memories of your smoking days. Instead think of how lucky you are not to be smoking anymore. Don't think of a cigarette as a treat or a pleasure because it's not. It won't make any situation better and it won't give you the satisfaction you think it will unless you want to go back to being a full time smoker again.

    Quitting is hard and I know that more than most but if we decide to quit we've got to really put our body and soul into it. If we keep thinking we're missing something that we love then we might as well give up and give in. If we have to think of smoking at all (and the cravings etc will make us do that) then we have to think of it as our enemy and fight against it. Smoking is nobody's friend and it's a dirty, filthy habit when you think about it properly.

    It's up to us at the end of the day Rowens - it's a case of sink or swim.

    I could write a load of sympathetic nonsense but I know that won't do any good. I've learned that the only way to deal with smoking is to be tough with ourselves. Just tell yourself you're not smoking anymore Rowens and remember to be happy and proud about it.

    These feelings will pass. Just keep your guard up.

  • Sorry Rowens, I've read my last post back and it sounds harsh, it's not meant to be.

    Honestly, I know how hard quitting can be.

    You're past the stage where you need motivation and support because you've quit. You've not smoked for 9 weeks so you can do it and you know it. It's still good to be able to come on the forum and share our experiences with people who are doing the same as us though.

    What you and I have got to do now is just make sure we NEVER smoke again.

    We don't want to and we certainly don't need to.

  • Thank you so much EvieB for your reply, I agree with and have told myself everything you wrote there, I am very proud and happy that I am not smoking but I think it has hit me like a ton of bricks this weekend and this is going to be a battle for the rest of my life AND I WILL BE VICTORIOUS!!

    Thanks again and hope Day 2 is going well for you, you seem to be very in control....good for you!

  • It's just a case of remembering what we've set out to do Rowens and remembering to feel good about it. I know I can quit and that I don't need to smoke and yet I still let myself fall back into the trap again and it's taken me a long time to escape from it. That's what we both have to guard against now.

    Why worry about smoking when we don't need it? Life is for living and enjoying and we certainly don't need smoking to do that........ that's what I'm telling myself.

    Positive thoughts only Rowens.x

  • Hi rowens08 i think i wrote somewhere why i quit cold turkey.Well again it was because of a tooth infection caused by smoking.Dentist told me that.What has helped me is all the pain i have been going threw withdrawals,sweating,etc,etc even if it's not smoke related i'm still blaming it on smoking lol,it gets me threw the day.just think of smoking as poisoning yourself.try to laugh at the cravings,embrace them.You come to far now,never look back.good luck.

  • Thanks Cee, what a coincidence, I also had a very bad tooth infection before I quit and was eating pain killers like sweets, when I started my quit I was very worried how I would deal with the pain of the tooth but by some small miracle I haven't had any pain in it since (touch wood!). It must have been the smoking that caused it! Definitely worth keeping in mind!

  • Hey Guys, I just saw this post and I think we may be missing the real point.

    Rowens doesn't need support to stop smoking but we all need encouragement to keep going.

    This shouldn't be the post where I came on and tell you, you can do it, be strong!

    Rowens, just relax and just let it go.

    You will always have those days and I will too. That is the nature of our addiction, We have a dependency to cigarettes and will always need a certain level of self control to not fall into the trap.

    You are not on your own, I am yet to know anyone that tells me this is not true.

    I received some bad news last night and was very upset. The firs thing I did was reach up for a cigarette . Once again, I threw it away before I smoked it, but it comes to show that after 63 days I am not safe yet...I'll never be.

    Rowens, you are strong and I am too. We will suck it up and keep going and one year later we will still be here and still not smoking.

    xxx

  • Thanks mmaya, as I said above, it has just hit me big time, this is for the rest of our lives, but we will win this....so sorry that you got bad news on your birthday. hope you are ok.

  • I'm ok rowens, thank you.

    Just a bereavement, a person really close to me.

    But I'm ok, I've been checked by the Gp on call service and they gave me some calmants.. I'll manage. I'm a bit of a doopy doopy now, hopefully I'll get my mental stability back soon.

  • Well you certainly don't want any advice from me!!!

    I think we're all prone to these feelings and I'm not sure when they go away, if they do at all? You've come too far rowens; keep it up and you'll be back to feeling normal again soon.

    If you have a smoke it will be a big disappointment and taste like somebody has emptied an ashtray in your mouth. That's enough to put you off surely? :D

  • we do want advice from you , you are my hero.

    After smoking a few, anyone would have carried on smoking and you didnt!

  • You're not doing too bad yourself. Lighting up and then throwing it away before smoking it takes some will power!

    Thanks for the comment though, first time I've ever been anybody's hero!!!

  • Well you are now! Big responsibility... Don't let me down ;)

  • thanks Nozmo, hope you are doing good on day 4 or 5 now?

  • Doing fine today rowens thanks. Day 5 (revisited) has been OK apart from the inevitable Sunday hangover.

    Pressure's on now mmaya! I'll try not to let you down.

  • Thanks everyone for your advice / replies, the urge to have that one cigarette was not really the issue for me for these couple of days, it was more the panic and shock that after 60 days I am still thinking about smoking and realization this is it for the rest of my life. But it is so worth it rather than being a smoker. I just spoke to my hubby there who is smoke free over a year and a half and he re-assured me these thoughts / feelings are normal and he had one only last week when in the waiting room of A&E, he would have loved a cigarette.

    I have been telling myself and other people on here for weeks I need to keep my guard at all times, it is SOOOOO true, never under estimate the power of addiction.....

  • I agree with what you say Mmaya and Rowens does need to relax and let it go. Encouragement to keep going can only be a good thing to all of us and I hoped that that was exactly what I was doing when I made my post so I'm sorry if it came across wrong in the wrong way.

    I'm also sorry about the bad news you received last night and hope everything will be okay but what you said about reaching out for a cigarette just shows what a hold smoking has over us.

    I also agree that we smokers have a dependency to cigarettes and will also need a certain level of self control not to fall into the trap again because I did exactly that, hence the reason I'm back on here again. Believe me I'm neither proud of my demise or complacent about staying smoke free in the future but that's what I'm aiming to do.

    Rowens I think Karri has just summed it up perfectly when she says "This doesn't have to be a battle for the rest of your life. Eventually not smoking will be as natural as any other habit you no longer do".

  • Stop beating yourself will ya?! Your post is not harsh, it is the truth and we all know it :)

  • Hey EvieB, I didn't think your initial post was harsh at all and was good advice, I am relaxed but just taken back by how this addiction really takes hold of you....

  • That is definitely what I am waiting for. That date when I realise I have forgotten all about the cigarettes and the nicotine, this forum... The all lot. Just be normal again.

    Just live, wait and hope.

  • Rowens ... you are such a hard worker and by that I mean in your quit....There is so many stages that we go through during this journey and that is why I have found it to be amazing...Although a better word might be "Crazyfication" and that is a direct translation.....There definitely is a "Arguing stage'' at 2-3 months where you start to argue with yourself and think that only one cigarette won't do any damage.

    We all know that even that one puff will bring us back to square one...Continue on the straight road an remember NOPE...!

  • Hey all,

    Just a quick update, I am in much better form today, rain finally stopped, the sun appeared for a while and for a Monday, I had a very productive day at work, thanks for your support last night and hope you all had a good day!

  • Ahahah eau de silk cut?! That's the best I've heard lately, 5 points to you karri ahahah

  • I remember a very similar thing around the same time of my quit, I found it quite demoralising as I knew I was done with smoking and was not tempted to actually smoke. You think that you're always going to have to battle the urge/thoughts and that was a truly exhausting thought.

    The good news is that the battle does end, smoking just doesn't even appear on my radar anymore. It's a bit like recovering from an illness or injury, you tentatively use your injured arm for a few weeks, avoiding moving it in a way that hurts or protecting it in a crowd. Then magically one day you suddenly realise that you've stopped being careful and your arm is back to normal.

    I smoked for over 30years which I find really difficult to believe, as life without smoking (nearly two years) is now the norm. Please believe me when I say the pain, anguish, stress and little nicotine niggles do just fade away, you don't have to fight the demons for ever.

  • Sued.... Thank you for sharing...surely I am still in the protecting stage but become easier every day... Some days/weeks gone past and then just one day I am reaching for my top pocket where the cigarettes used to be, not craving a cigarette but just due to the habit....

    Thank you once again ....

  • Thank you so much Sued for sharing such an informative and positive post

  • Well you certainly don't want any advice from me!!!

    I think we're all prone to these feelings and I'm not sure when they go away, if they do at all? You've come too far rowens; keep it up and you'll be back to feeling normal again soon.

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  • Thanks for your post JasWil, it is much appreciated, I am feeling much better these last couple of days...

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