Stress building up...really?!

Just as I thought I was starting to feel better...

I did not smoke, but I struggled big time yesterday all day and today all day long...

I'm very annoyed and disappointed with myself that I am even listening to the stupid thoughts in my head.

Why?! Just why?!.... I just don't get it.

I see people relapsing because clearly they haven't made up their mind yet...but I have!

I do not want to smoke, I do not want to be a smoker anymore but I can't continue to live and act like a lunatic! Is there an end to this?????!

Sorry guys! Very bad today!

As a good friend (forum) told me...I need a kick in the b.....t

38 Replies

  • I know I have a way to catch up to you but I think we all go through these days. (For me it's still every day).

    I've found that my biggest trigger at the moment is boredom so I fill up my days, planned with precision beforehand, and don't leave myself a second to sit and think about it.

    I won't say I don't still think about smoking and I won't say I dont miss it. I DO!!! but I find it easier being busy constantly.

    Mind you I don't know how long I can keep this up, feel like I'm in training for a marathon!

    Anyway you've given me so much support I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you, I understand, and I hope tomorrow's a better day.

  • I don't miss them, I don't want them, I don't like them, but I'm not adapting very well to living without them! I'm feeling very weird these last 2 days.

    I'm now going back to plan B - go to sleep! that usually works for me.

  • Ohhh mmaya, stay strong.

    Yes, there is an end otherwise no-one would ever quit smoking...and stay quit!

    Think of those people. They're no different to you.

    This is the difficulty in quitting smoking. It's not a linear progress. Just when you think you've got a handle on it...the urge comes back with a vengeance.

    You know, a cigarette is not the answer. You know it.

    But if it becomes unbearable tell yourself you'll smoke tomorrow. And then say the same tomorrow.

    Hope you feel better very soon


  • ....I know, and I garantee to you that I will not touch them, but just thinking that I've gotten so far and feeling so bad now....

    today deserves a whole 3 spoons of magnesium powder, that will do the trick.

  • Oh Mmaya I'm so sorry to hear you're having a tough time but hang on because it will pass.

    You've sailed through your quit up to now (unlike me) so this was probably bound to happen sooner or later. We both know that smoking's a hard habit to break and that quitting takes time to adjust to. Whenever the urge to smoke comes over me I just remind myself of how much I hate being a slave to the habit. I can't understand why I still have these urges when I regard smoking as such a horrible habit.

    We both also know that we can manage without smoking - we've come this far and we can carry on. This quitting business is a massive test of our willpower and I think it's the same for everyone.

    Take a few deep breaths through gritted teeth and stay strong til this feeling passes - because I know it will.

    Don't you dare give up on giving up Mmaya - we're in this for the long haul this time.

    Keep smiling and sleep on it. Tell yourself that tomorrow will be better.;)

  • The last time I was like this it lasted for 5 days, I'm on the 2nd, I'm just waiting for it to go away so that I can get some sense of normality back in my life.

    I don't think I've expressed myself properly, I don't have any cravings, I'm just terribly moody, cranky, agitated... I'm not myself at all, I've never been like this.

    Once again a good dose of the natural medicines that I got a few weeks ago and it seems like might work.

    My heart beat is getting back to normal and hopefully I'll calm down this weekend.

    I'm sick of doing this, just want to disappear for a few months until this is done!!!

  • Sorry if I got the wrong end of the stick Mmaya. Maybe your mood swings are not related to your quit at all. From what you told me I think you probably had a hectic time at work this week so maybe that's the cause. We all have our off days whether we're quitting or not so perhaps it's just that. I know that I tend to blame everything on my quit lol.

    Just go with the flow and try to take things easy if you can.

    Hope you feel better soon. xx

  • That is definitely the reason, but I never reacted like this, I'm a very calm person.

    The 2 days I found myself thinking that maybe it's better to just smoke the pack of cigarettes instead of having this agony.

    ...I know it's the junkie in my mind...what I can't understand is the lack of self control.

    I am a grown up not a kid! I don't even want to smoke.

    What's wrong with me?!

  • Nothing's wrong with you Mmaya.

    We've always had our cigarettes there through the good times and the bad. They were always the first things we reached for if we felt the slightest bit needy. Even though they didn't really help us we thought they did. It's going to take time for us to accept that we really don't need them anymore even though we already know that deep down.

    There could be a million reasons why you're feeling the way you are at the moment. Most people would just say that because we're women it's probably hormonal! Whatever the cause you've just got to try and get a grip of the situation and tell yourself that it will be okay in the long run. Don't worry and don't beat yourself up because that will only make things worse.

    I do know that at times like this we quitters usually feel that if we could just have one cigarette that somehow we would feel better but it really wouldn't make any difference at all.

    Just try and chill out over the weekend, take it easy and enjoy what free time you have - I doubt you'll have a lot of that with your two kids to keep you busy but that might be a good thing.

    I know you'll bounce back Mmaya and I hope you feel better in the morning. xx

  • Well if there's something wrong with you there's something wrong with me as well. I've been like a lunatic, on and off these past few days. I'm under quite a bit of stress but I have never experienced stuff like this before. the kids and the cats are avoiding me. I'm fine one minute and tearing down the walls the next.

    If I had cigarettes in the house earlier today I would have smoked.

    The only thing that keeps me off them at the minute is that I know, from previous experience, that the thought of having a cigarette promises a lot more than actually having one delivers. Whenever I have succumbed in the past, that first cigarette, that breaks the quit, is nowhere near as satisfying as I thought it was going to be.

    It will pass mmaya, just have to beast it out! I hope you feel more like yourself tomorrow.

    I've got a few herbals ordered from Amazon on your recommendation as I've got a very tough week ahead. Thanks for that.:)

  • Thanks buddy! They do work, I was awake last night until 5am with anxiety really bad, took them today when I came home (7pm) and I can't even keep my eyes open anymore.

    I hope it works for you too...thanks for your words, I know I'll get up, I'm just terribly frustrated and tired.

  • Oh God, that's enough to do anybody's head in! No wonder you're feeling like this. Hope you have a good night's sleep tonight.

    Looking forward to hearing you in upbeat mode over the next few days!

  • Thanks linda, I know you are right.

    I'll snap out of it, I know I will, there isn't a chance in the world I'll give in, not after going this far.

    I'll just go to sleep and tomorrow is another day!

    Thank you, sincerely xxxx

  • You will be okay Mmaya and the way you're feeling now will definitely pass, hopefully after a good night's sleep.

    Nozmo I hope you feel better soon too. Believe me I know only too well how you and Mmaya are feeling - everything seems so much more intense when we trying to quit. You summed it up perfectly though when you said 'that first cigarette that breaks the quit is nowhere near as satisfying as I thought it was going to be'.

    Stay strong both of you.:)

  • I'm not having that first one!

    I might cry, shout, scream, I will start climbing up the walls but I will not have that just one, I don't want to go through the first week again, never ever again.

  • Thanks Linda. I'll be alright by the end of the week. Got a big week ahead of me which involves major decisions and flying - my most hated thing in the whole world, and the thing I most associate with smoking.

    Really appreciate your comments

  • You know I sometimes think I must be the biggest hypocrite ever because, although I know I can do this quit and most of the time now it's easy, there isn't a day goes by where I don't think of smoking in one way or another. Maybe I'm concentrating on my quit more than I mean to. Sometimes it's just a fleeting thought, sometimes it's a bit of a craving and even on the good days (and they are certainly getting better) I still think about the fact that I'm quitting. I just want to get on with it and forget about it but sometimes I wonder if that will ever happen.

    I know so many people who have given up the habit for good. In fact I hardly know anyone who smokes anymore.

    I'm just hoping that one day it will all fall into place for me.

  • My point precisely.

    I don't want to smoke, I don't have cravings. I hate them.

    I haven't smoked in almost 2 months, can I please just live my life instead of spending my days thinking about how am I going to survive today??!

    A bit of normality would be lovely for a change.

  • I don't want to smoke either Mmaya - I hate the fact that I've smoked for so long.

    I'm delighted that I've not had a cigarette for 2 months now so why do I still have these stupid thoughts?

    It's beyond me but I'll keep going this time. One day it will 'click'. I just hope it's soon.

  • The one good thing is that we can come on here and let off steam.

    I can't even tell anyone I'm quitting because everyone I know (apart from my husband and he's never smoked) thinks I haven't smoked for years and years. I'm always 'fine' if anyone asks and I've always been like that. If they knew I was finding quitting smoking tricky they'd be shocked - in fact they'd probably be even more shocked if they found out I'd been a smoker at all.

    Thank goodness for this forum and the fact we (or I) can drop my guard on here.:o

  • Linda this could be me talking!

    Most of the people in my life don't know I've quit, and don't know I smoked! I do have some family members who are still part of the "secret smoking club" but the rest are ignorant about our crimes.

    So when I see them I just have to be fine and can't think of anything much to talk about because at the moment this quitting thing is just consuming me.

    I too, think about smoking every day. It's like I've lost my best friend, my buddy, my pain relief, my tranquiliser, and so on. But that sounds so awful I haven't dared say it. But I think it all the time.

    And yet, I don't want to smoke and felt guilty every time I lit up, worried constantly about my health, and therefore there was no enjoyment in it for me. I think it's just my mindset that hasn't yet changed.

    Maybe hypnosis would work? Anyone tried it?

  • Letting it out is actually the key to get rid of it, I think.

    If you keep it in it starts building up very quickly and escalates to enormous proportions before we notice.

    That's what happened to me last time, I knew I wasn't well but I felt I could manage it myself on my own, I allowed it to build up and very quickly I turned into a nervous wreck.

    Not doing it this time, I'll keep going with the herbal supplements but if I don't snap out of it by Monday I'll go to the Gp for medication.

  • Hi Mmaya I just made it to day 50, don't know, but just think our body and brains have been under nicotine and all other chemicals for all does years it takes time to readjust.when you get stressed, laugh (stress can cause other problems)watch funny videos,listen to music,hot bath,eat something,get a punching bag lol.etc etc.

    hope you feel better and don't start smoking.don't forget ciggs are nothing but poison !!!

  • I think you are right cee, that's exactly what I think.

    I'm just fed up with it, I wish we could just get it done with!

    Well done you! 50 days had a very special meaning to me, I was so proud of it, I hope you are treating yourself to something really nice. Xxxx

  • Thank you all for your encouragement words, you are all fantastic.

    I am feeling a bit better today, I will manage.

    Just to make it very clear, no where over the last few days I even considered smoking.

    This is a new development for me, I'm actually very surprised with it.

    The herbal calmants once again did the trick and I got some sleep last night, I'm much calmer today.

    Thank you all for your very kind words last night.

  • Morning Mmaya... My post are awaiting approval by the moderator... Stay strong I am with you !!

  • Good morning mmaya glad you are feeling much better today.I have saved $949 dollars so far according to quitnow app.Definitely gonna treat myself.Why didn't quit 30 years ago?LOL.I'm fed up with it too ,i'm tired mentally and physically.But i will beat this by being as happy as can be,with lots of will power and determination.Just give your body and brain a chance to heal and be kind to yourself.Have a great day to you and everyone else.

  • Wise words my friend, very wise words.

    We need to give time for the body to heal and it does look like the damage done to my brain might be worse than the damage done to my lungs :)

    Thanks for being here for me.

    I spent a few hours talking to a very close friend, a good bit older than me, I always rely on her to set me on the right direction!

    She was a smoker for over 40 years and stopped smoking 10 years ago when she was diagnosed with cancer. She thankfully survived to tell the story, I actually met her about 10 years ago when she was doing the treatment.

    We had a few cups of tea and loads of cupcakes... I can't think if a better way to spend my day.

    I'm feeling much better today, and I'm just hoping it won't come back.

  • Mmaya,,,,,, remembering my 2 months smoke free post- "Chemical dependency upon smoking nicotine is one of the most intense, repetitive and dependable relationships you've likely ever known. It has infected almost every aspect of your life and thinking. Be prepared to experience a normal sense of emotional loss when quitting which transports you through six very different phases: (1) denial, (2) anger, (3) bargaining, (4) depression, (5) acceptance, and (6)complacency." This emotional journey is normal and a necessary part of recovery.

    It is so true and yes.. very difficult !! but you have accepted that it is a chemical and emotional journey and want to quit.... Thank you once again for staying strong..xx

  • Hey mmaya, I had problems with my connection from last night and only getting online properly now. I am so sorry you are still going through a rough time, my advice is the same as before when you were going through this, you need "you time" even it is just for a couple of hours today and tomorrow. I know it may not be possible for you to do with the kids but try and get some support that you can do this, I think it will really help. Rooting for you and hope you feel better very soon x

  • No problem hun! How's your husband doing, is he feeling better? Have a lovely weekend xxx

  • Oh mmaya, he is much better now thank god, having a few cans as we speak! He had chronic upper stomach and back pain all week coming and going and vomiting, after a scan only yesterday, it showed up gallstones and he is scheduled to get gall bladder removed in the next couple of weeks, has digestive and pain relief tablets to keep it under control, but it was very scary, really thought I was going to loose him this week as the pain he was in was like he was having a heart attack....unbelievable how common gallstones is and the unbearable pain they cause. I am so grateful as I type now as could have been alot worse news with so many other heart breaking illnesses out there.

    Anyway mmaya, delighted you are feeling better and you too enjoy the rest of your weekend...

  • Thank God! Hopefully it will all be sorted very shortly!

    I'm doing good, I don't drink so I got a big box of maltersers and we're getting ready to watch sponge bob square pants, my son was very excited all week because there's new episodes coming today lol

    I'm such a socialite lol

  • How are you today mmaya?

  • I'm good Rowens, I'm in bed with pains all over my body (stupid arteritis) I don't need to go anywhere anyways so just in bed chilling.

    I've calm down a lot from 2 days ago, I found it very hard to go by this time but hopefully this won't happen again any time soon.

    I'm recording the frequency and severity on a spreadsheet and when I'm one year quit it will be interesting to see what I've gone through to be there on that day....I know, I'm such a loser, I should get a life instead lol

    Have a great Sunday!

  • Nice long hot bath might help the arthritis, enjoy the rest of your weekend....

  • Love a spreadsheet 😊


  • its all maths by the end of it.

    I have a few interesting findings, I think there is actually a method to the madness.


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