Day 46

[nsd_user663_54332]

Hi, still really struggling but doing my best.

Don't know what else to say TBH or wha to do. It's so hard and I dunno where it's come from

[nsd_user663_54332]

And that's all any of us can do hon, there are a certain number of those days that each of us need to get through on our way to earning our total freedom and the number is different for each and every one of us. But take heart, each one that you grit your teeth, set your chin, put your head down and charge through blindly, clinging on to your precious quit is one YOU WILL NEVER HAVE TO GO THROUGH AGAIN! You're serving your time sweetpea, paying your dues and your release date IS coming!

Press on pickle, the weekend awaits and I think it'll do you a power of good!:cool:

Really hope so, it just feels like I always end up like his so why carry on, you know?

[nsd_user663_54332]

For some reason Gemma,you seem to have a vice-like attachment to smoking :eek:

Like Kat says-and she is SO wise is our Kat :p-the number of days that each person needs to achieve to break the back of smoking seems to vary a lot.

You get to a point eventually where not smoking is the normal and smoking is the aberration.

Until then,blind faith and dogged determination are your watchwords.

It may seem that you are just torturing yourself,for ever :rolleyes:

BUT no-one day you will realise that smoking has become marginalised,it is something that you used to do-the new you does not do it any more,and never will again

Have faith Gemma,the rewards are beyond priceless xx

I know, maybe I'm one of the people who just can't quit?

To have gone from being free to back like this is soul destroying.

Gemma you can do this, getting close to that half century now as well.

I'm sure your be back to your best soon ;) xx

I hope so hun, hope you're feeling better soon too xx

[nsd_user663_51263]

Gemma from a lot of the things you say it could be me talking.

You can do this now, you really can and you've already proved it.

You're a lot younger than me so please do it now. I wish I'd done it years ago instead of wasting my time, money and energy on something that has given me nothing in return.

I'm struggling with my conscience over this quit and it makes me feel ashamed to say it.

We really don't need smoking to enhance our lives Gemma and I think we both know it.

Keep going and don't let yourself give in to temptation - it's just not worth it. x

[nsd_user663_54332]

Gemma from a lot of the things you say it could be me talking.

You can do this now, you really can and you've already proved it.

You're a lot younger than me so please do it now. I wish I'd done it years ago instead of wasting my time, money and energy on something that has given me nothing in return.

I'm struggling with my conscience over this quit and it makes me feel ashamed to say it.

We really don't need smoking to enhance our lives Gemma and I think we both know it.

Keep going and don't let yourself give in to temptation - it's just not worth it. x

Thanks hun, I really am doing my best and know you are too!!

It's annoying how it manages to get so deep into our minds, got to work out how to get it out!! xx

[nsd_user663_51263]

Well just think to yourself whether or not you still want to be smoking when you reach your fifties Gemma. I never in a million years thought that I would be but I am and I honestly can't believe it.

Yes I've enjoyed many relaxing moment both on my own and with friends 'enjoying' relaxing times with a cigarette in my hands.

I've 'relied' on cigarettes to see me through all sorts of situations, they've been my constant companion for years and years. I daren't even try to calculate how much I've spent on them and I wish with all my heart I'd stopped sooner or better still never started at all.

The thing is I know I never needed them at all and it's all been for nothing.

Spend your money on something else and enjoy your life - you don't really need to share it with smoking any longer.

I just think of myself when I was your age and I don't want you to end up like me. I know I've been such a fool to waste so much of my life on something that stands for everything I hate. I'm sorry if this sounds patronizing, it's not meant to be and I'm just trying to be honest.

I hope you feel better soon and wish you all the very best. x

[nsd_user663_59642]

Gemma......I wonder if you are currently in the "mourning stage" of your quit? It is perfectly possible that you are "mourning" fags and if so, it's another of those battles that has to be fought and won. Having said that, once it is fought and won, that is a major, major battle out of the way, a real watershed battle. Get through this battle by any means, fair or foul. Chocolate, wine, have a good old whinge, swear a lot (under your breath, preferably :o), anything to win this particular battle.

I really do think that this is a pivotal time in your quit......keep going and much better times are just on the horizon. It goes without saying really, but you know that we are all here for you!

Val

xxx

[nsd_user663_60964]

You really are having a hard time aren't you Gemma? I'm so sorry you're under the cosh again.

I think noggin has a point, and I also wonder whether the smoking was masking something else perhaps, which is now trying to come to the surface? Just a thought, but I wonder whether some form of counselling might help you?

Will really hope you come out the other side of this very soon.

[nsd_user663_51052]

I can't get my head around this really?

It's either that you're still heavily addicted to nicotine that's making it so tough, or just that it purely all in your mind. You just still BADLY want to be able to smoke.

Smoking was not an option for me once I quit, so after a few weeks, it just got easier and easier.

As I've said previously, I think it's purely your mindset that's keeping you anxious all the time. You are DESPERATELY waiting for that day when you have an excuse to smoke again, and that's what's making you struggle so much.

Yet again today your posts are worded with "It just doesn't seem worth it", "maybe I'm one of those people who can't quit". I literally never ever said those things to myself. I said "right, I'm stopping smoking if I die in the attempt".

The more you play mind games with yourself, the harder this is going to be.

YOU CANNOT SMOKE. NOT TODAY, NOT TOMORROW, NOT EVER. THERE'S NO EXCUSE THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH TO GO BACK TO SMOKING. NOTHING.

[nsd_user663_54332]

I can't get my head around this really?

It's either that you're still heavily addicted to nicotine that's making it so tough, or just that it purely all in your mind. You just still BADLY want to be able to smoke.

Smoking was not an option for me once I quit, so after a few weeks, it just got easier and easier.

As I've said previously, I think it's purely your mindset that's keeping you anxious all the time. You are DESPERATELY waiting for that day when you have an excuse to smoke again, and that's what's making you struggle so much.

Yet again today your posts are worded with "I just doesn't seem worth it", "maybe I'm one of those people who can't quit". I literally never ever said those things to myself. I said "right, I'm stopping smoking if I die in the attempt".

The more you play mind games with yourself, the harder this is going to be.

YOU CANNOT SMOKE. NOT TODAY, NOT TOMORROW, NOT EVER. THERE'S NO EXCUSE THAT GOOD ENOUGH TO GO BACK TO SMOKING. NOTHING.

I'm not playing games, I'm trying to explain how it feels to me at the moment which is sheer hell.

If I wanted to smoke I would be doing, but i *am* finding it incredibly difficult to stay off them.

I don't find it easy to show my vulnerable side, and if it's wrong then I'll stop doing it.

Sorry

[nsd_user663_51263]

I think I can identify with the 'mourning' feeling that Noggin has just described, in fact I think I've just had one. Just had my lunch and would have loved to have finished it off with a cigarette even if it did mean standing out in the rain.

It's mad isn't it! It's still an automatic reaction with me that something's missing, which of course it it. I've just got to get used to thinking of it in a good way but I still feel I'm denying myself something - the fact that it's something destructive, an addiction in fact, doesn't seem to be making it easier.

I do accept that this is all part and parcel of what I've got to put up with for a while and that I've only got myself to blame but I hope it doesn't last too long. It's always been so easy in the past for me to just take the easy way out and go back to square one but who's been the loser - only me!

I think I just want someone to wave a magic wand over me but that's not going to happen no matter how much I wish for it.

This time I'm fighting back though. I do think I would love a cigarette so much at times but I know it's all in my mind.

I don't want to smoke any more, I've made my mind up about that. I just wish there was an easy way of doing it because it can be hard work in more ways than I ever imagined.

I've decided it's worth the effort so I suppose the saying 'No pain, no gain' does apply at the moment.

Not going to let it get me down though, I'm really not.

[nsd_user663_51052]

I'm not playing games, I'm trying to explain how it feels to me at the moment which is sheer hell.

If I wanted to smoke I would be doing, but i *am* finding it incredibly difficult.

Sorry if that's wrong

I said you're playing mind game with yourself. That's all.

There's no doubt that you want to be able to smoke today. Why is that?

Also, I'm not having a direct attack at you. You defend yourself by saying "sorry if that's wrong". Again, it's not wrong to be struggling that's perfectly fine, but what we're trying to do is work out WHY you're struggling and help you.

[nsd_user663_54332]

Also, I'm not having a direct attack at you. You defend yourself by saying "sorry if that's wrong". Again, it's not wrong to be struggling that's perfectly fine, but what we're trying to do is work out WHY you're struggling and help you.

I wish I knew

[nsd_user663_51052]

I wish I knew

"As I've said previously, I think it's purely your mindset that's keeping you anxious all the time. You are DESPERATELY waiting for that day when you have an excuse to smoke again, and that's what's making you struggle so much."

[nsd_user663_51263]

I think Ets is right in everything she's said but for some of us sadly it's easier said than done, believe me I know.

I think you should take time to recharge your batteries Gemma because it sounds as if you've been through the mill these last few days.

Recharge your batteries and I know you'll soon bounce back.

Take it easy and stop beating yourself up.

Think about what YOU want to do because at the end of the day that's all that matters.

I do think you will win this battle in the end though, x

[nsd_user663_52101]

Lots of good posts here Gem and good advice.

All I'm going to add,like noggin I feel if you can just get your mindset around this little blip it will be pivitol to your quit and you will be on the home stretch...

Keep strong and keep resisting......you will get there if you do.:)x

Ps As long as smoking is not an option and you never want to smoke again,you may have to live with this empty feeling for the time being x

[nsd_user663_54332]

I think I can identify with the 'mourning' feeling that Noggin has just described, in fact I think I've just had one. Just had my lunch and would have loved to have finished it off with a cigarette even if it did mean standing out in the rain.

It's mad isn't it! It's still an automatic reaction with me that something's missing, which of course it it. I've just got to get used to thinking of it in a good way but I still feel I'm denying myself something - the fact that it's something destructive, an addiction in fact, doesn't seem to be making it easier.

I do accept that this is all part and parcel of what I've got to put up with for a while and that I've only got myself to blame but I hope it doesn't last too long. It's always been so easy in the past for me to just take the easy way out and go back to square one but who's been the loser - only me!

I think I just want someone to wave a magic wand over me but that's not going to happen no matter how much I wish for it.

This time I'm fighting back though. I do think I would love a cigarette so much at times but I know it's all in my mind.

I don't want to smoke any more, I've made my mind up about that. I just wish there was an easy way of doing it because it can be hard work in more ways than I ever imagined.

I've decided it's worth the effort so I suppose the saying 'No pain, no gain' does apply at the moment.

Not going to let it get me down though, I'm really not.

That sums it up for me now

If I *wanted* to smoke, then I'm an adult, i can go to the Co Op and buy a packet - nothing stopping me, or I could beg one, but the fact i haven't done means I don't want to smoke any more.

It's just incredibly hard to cope at the mo with what feels like a consant craving.

[nsd_user663_54332]

You really are having a hard time aren't you Gemma? I'm so sorry you're under the cosh again.

I think noggin has a point, and I also wonder whether the smoking was masking something else perhaps, which is now trying to come to the surface? Just a thought, but I wonder whether some form of counselling might help you?

Will really hope you come out the other side of this very soon.

Thanks

I do have depression and anxiety, but it's not that playing up 'cos it's mostly under control and it feels different - this is slightly preferrable 'cos at least I know the reason for this.

Gemma......I wonder if you are currently in the "mourning stage" of your quit? It is perfectly possible that you are "mourning" fags and if so, it's another of those battles that has to be fought and won. Having said that, once it is fought and won, that is a major, major battle out of the way, a real watershed battle. Get through this battle by any means, fair or foul. Chocolate, wine, have a good old whinge, swear a lot (under your breath, preferably :o), anything to win this particular battle.

I really do think that this is a pivotal time in your quit......keep going and much better times are just on the horizon. It goes without saying really, but you know that we are all here for you!

Val

xxx

It does feel like a mourning stage, it's totally bizarre.

Lol I'll be on the chocolate and wine tonight - and I'll keep a check on my filthy mouth

Was talking to Max the other day and he said the same - it's make or break time for my quit, and I really am hangng onto it.

Losing this so soon after losing my last one would be far too much for me to cope with!!

xxx

[nsd_user663_59642]

Gemma......don't be "hanging on to it".....that sounds wimpy. Grab it by the scruff of it's neck, hug it tightly to yourself and do not let it go.

FFFFFFIIIGGGGHHHHHTTTTT for it! :eek: Wham bam. :eek: Kapow. :eek: Bish bash bosh. :eek:

Val

xxx

[nsd_user663_60964]

FFFFFFIIIGGGGHHHHHTTTTT for it! :eek: Wham bam. :eek: Kapow. :eek: Bish bash bosh. :eek:

Val

xxx

We'll all help you, Gemma- you hit it over the head with a mallet as hard as you can and we'll give it a good kicking if it tries to slink out of the ring.

[nsd_user663_54332]

((((Gemma)))) I don't know what to say to help you but 6 and a half weeks is freaking awesome. Don't lose sight of how far along the road you are.

I really hope tomorrow brings you a great day x

Thanks hun

I'm doing all I can to keep quit, 'cos I've gone a long way and know caving will only put all this off for another time :eek:

How's you? xx

[nsd_user663_54332]

Gemma......don't be "hanging on to it".....that sounds wimpy. Grab it by the scruff of it's neck, hug it tightly to yourself and do not let it go.

FFFFFFIIIGGGGHHHHHTTTTT for it! :eek: Wham bam. :eek: Kapow. :eek: Bish bash bosh. :eek:

Val

xxx

Oooh good point!!

Maybe I should do a Cheryl Cole impression - Fight For This Quit?

xxx

We'll all help you, Gemma- you hit it over the head with a mallet as hard as you can and we'll give it a good kicking if it tries to slink out of the ring.

Yeah I know you will, believe me you are!!

Oooh and any time you want to whack Nic one, please do!! x

[nsd_user663_52101]

Your doing so much better than you realise Gem:)youv quit Hun........now...just.....let...goooo.........

[Doofus_Overload]

Lorks-a-lordy Gemma!

I don't really know what to say apart from the fact that I agree with (can't remember who said it sorry) that maybe it's something else which has come to the fore since you quit smoking so it might well be worth going to see someone professionaly to talk about things with? just a thought.

Also, you GOTTA stay with this quit, think of it like the worlds toughest driving exam, nerves and terror whilst doing it but afterwards when you pass it feels amazing knowing you don't have to go through that nightmare again!

We are all rooting for you

[nsd_user663_61170]

Hi Gemma,

You really are doing great, but please don't think you are the one person who will never give up:mad:

You are the one person that can

[nsd_user663_54332]

Your doing so much better than you realise Gem:)youv quit Hun........now...just.....let...goooo.........

I'm doing my best!!

It just seems like such a steep hill to climb sometimes!!

Hi Gemma,

You really are doing great, but please don't think you are the one person who will never give up:mad:

You are the one person that can

Am giving it my very best, even though it's tough!!

[nsd_user663_54332]

Lorks-a-lordy Gemma!

I don't really know what to say apart from the fact that I agree with (can't remember who said it sorry) that maybe it's something else which has come to the fore since you quit smoking so it might well be worth going to see someone professionaly to talk about things with? just a thought.

Also, you GOTTA stay with this quit, think of it like the worlds toughest driving exam, nerves and terror whilst doing it but afterwards when you pass it feels amazing knowing you don't have to go through that nightmare again!

We are all rooting for you

Thanks

Don't think it's anything lse - my depression/anxiety seems ot be behaving itself so far but i *will* see someone if it kicks off again!! Everything else is pretty good, just trying to let go of the frigging fags!!

At least I'm starting to feel like it's not insurmountable now

[nsd_user663_61170]

I know you are, you have my very best wishes Gemma.

I have been reading your posts, you have had me on the edge of my seat sometimes

[nsd_user663_54332]

I know you are, you have my very best wishes Gemma.

I have been reading your posts, you have had me on the edge of my seat sometimes

Lol it can be a bit hair raising at times this quitting thing!!

Espepcially 'cos I've got the brain of a teenager

I am feeling a fair bit brighter though which has to be good!!

[nsd_user663_61170]

There is nothing wrong with a young brain , I have one myself and im 46

But if in my teens I new then what I know now it would be amazing

[nsd_user663_54332]

There is nothing wrong with a young brain , I have one myself and im 46

But if in my teens I new then what I know now it would be amazing

*High fives*

I'm going to keep young as long as poss, don't want to grow up

[nsd_user663_22435]

Ohhhhh, Gemma, I so sympathise...you're riding that bl00dy emotional roller coaster again...remember, scream into that pillow, Steven Seagal that Nick O'teen stalker. It's so damn hard, I know...I used to keel over with desire & loss because I couldn't have one...& it's so exhausting fighting it, hour by hour, day by day...but it CAN be done....& YOU can do it. You know how much you'll hate yourself if you cave to the crave & at times, there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel...the pain, anger & despair of the withdrawal seems to be everlasting. I can assure you that it WILL pass. I can't promise you a rainbow or a sudden parting of clouds with the sun shining through & birdies twittering etc. but each time will get a little bit easier...the grip will loosen just a little bit more until the time you'll suddenly be able to get through a whole day without thinking about a bl00dy fag! You know we're all here...just shout for us

[hellerscatch]

Haven't read the whole thread, but get you! How quickly has that gone by, well gone xxxx

[nsd_user663_60964]

*High fives*

I'm going to keep young as long as poss, don't want to grow up

It's lovely to be young at heart Gemma

The only thing that has occurred to me (and I really hope you don't think I am being out of place) is that could your desire to smoke be rooted in you wanting subconsciously to remain a teenage rebel? Someone on the forum posted recently that he started smoking in the first place because he wanted to be like James Dean and that in recent years, as less and less people he knew smoked. he continued to do so because it made him feel like a young rebel again. He said that he's tried to turn it on its head by telling himself that his friends and family all think he'll never manage to sustain his quit and therefore he's going to rebel against their opinions by succeeding.

Just a thought anyway..

[nsd_user663_54332]

It's lovely to be young at heart Gemma

The only thing that has occurred to me (and I really hope you don't think I am being out of place) is that could your desire to smoke be rooted in you wanting subconsciously to remain a teenage rebel? Someone on the forum posted recently that he started smoking in the first place because he wanted to be like James Dean and that in recent years, as less and less people he knew smoked. he continued to do so because it made him feel like a young rebel again. He said that he's tried to turn it on its head by telling himself that his friends and family all think he'll never manage to sustain his quit and therefore he's going to rebel against their opinions by succeeding.

Just a thought anyway..

I definitely don't think you're out of place hun, because I've got the same thought in my head :confused:

Um, I was never much of a rebel - was allowed to drink, never tried drugs, didn't turn into a lilo, get loads of piercings or tattoos, but smoking was the way I rebelled - stupid but hey.

It's not that I *want* to smoke any more, honestly I don't (if i did I wouldn't be here) and know I hated it when I did smoke but that does make it harder to let go in a way.

It's also why tough love approach doesn't work on me - mentally a large part of me is 14/15 and how do you get a teenager to do something? Tell them off

[nsd_user663_54332]

Haven't read the whole thread, but get you! How quickly has that gone by, well gone xxxx

It's definitely easing off hun, am not going to say it's cleared yet but am over the worst!! xxx

[nsd_user663_54332]

Ohhhhh, Gemma, I so sympathise...you're riding that bl00dy emotional roller coaster again...remember, scream into that pillow, Steven Seagal that Nick O'teen stalker. It's so damn hard, I know...I used to keel over with desire & loss because I couldn't have one...& it's so exhausting fighting it, hour by hour, day by day...but it CAN be done....& YOU can do it. You know how much you'll hate yourself if you cave to the crave & at times, there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel...the pain, anger & despair of the withdrawal seems to be everlasting. I can assure you that it WILL pass. I can't promise you a rainbow or a sudden parting of clouds with the sun shining through & birdies twittering etc. but each time will get a little bit easier...the grip will loosen just a little bit more until the time you'll suddenly be able to get through a whole day without thinking about a bl00dy fag! You know we're all here...just shout for us

Aww thanks, it really does help to know that it does get better!!

I'm feeling a lot liek you were, and it really is horrible isn't it?

But thanks so much for that

[nsd_user663_61422]

I think you know Gemma that we are all here for you...rooting and tooting for you...grab that nicotine monster by the goolies and scream IM NOT HAVING A FAG!!!!!! You are in control of your life Gemma, you can do this, you are amazing!!!!!!! Sleep, eat, dance, cry...whatever it takes just don't smoke my darling and this you will pass xxx

[nsd_user663_54332]

I hate to see you struggle Gemma, but so glad it is easing off now.

Hope you have a lovely smoke free weekend and a bonus, the weather is going to sunny.

Aww thanks hun, it was incredibly tough but I got through without having a fag so YAY!!

And it's the weekend

Hope you have a fab one too!!

I think you know Gemma that we are all here for you...rooting and tooting for you...grab that nicotine monster by the goolies and scream IM NOT HAVING A FAG!!!!!! You are in control of your life Gemma, you can do this, you are amazing!!!!!!! Sleep, eat, dance, cry...whatever it takes just don't smoke my darling and this you will pass xxx

Aww thanks Yeah I know you are and it really does help - just knowing that there's people who want me to succeed rather than before when it was moreup to me!!

I won't have a fag

Hope you have a fab smoke free weekend xxx

[nsd_user663_54332]

Morning my lovely. I hope things are looking brighter today. You know where I am if you need a chat. Keep fighting I know you have it in you to reach the penthouse. Hugs xx

Thanks hun, that means a lot!!

Things are looking better this morning, and whatever happens I won't smoke

(((hugs))) xxx

[nsd_user663_60964]

Really glad you're feeling better today Gemma.

It's a lovely spring day here so if it is the same with you in sunny Cornwall I think you should get out & about and inhale as much as you can of that wonderful air.

[nsd_user663_54332]

Really glad you're feeling better today Gemma.

It's a lovely spring day here so if it is the same with you in sunny Cornwall I think you should get out & about and inhale as much as you can of that wonderful air.

Thanks hun

It's lovely here too, am going to be off out this afternoon in the sunshine with my friends and *not* smoking, no matter how much some of them do!!

[nsd_user663_54332]

Sounds like a plan! I shall be out to enjoy the lovely Cornish sunshine too - but I'll be working in the garden. Ah well, it needs doing.

It's still in the sunshine!! :cool:

[nsd_user663_59644]

Gemma Lou, yesterday was a bad day for me, so when taking the dinner pLates out the cupboard, one had a chip, so I thought fluff it, took them out side and slung them to the back of the garden, smashed all over it was great, came back in the house calmly and just carried on as normal, oh said I was nuts, but it helped. Lol

Hope you have better day tomorrow .:cool:

[nsd_user663_60964]

Gemma Lou, yesterday was a bad day for me, so when taking the dinner pLates out the cupboard, one had a chip, so I thought fluff it, took them out side and slung them to the back of the garden, smashed all over it was great, came back in the house calmly and just carried on as normal, oh said I was nuts, but it helped. Lol

Hope you have better day tomorrow .:cool:

Tracey, I like your style

[nsd_user663_54332]

Gemma Lou, yesterday was a bad day for me, so when taking the dinner pLates out the cupboard, one had a chip, so I thought fluff it, took them out side and slung them to the back of the garden, smashed all over it was great, came back in the house calmly and just carried on as normal, oh said I was nuts, but it helped. Lol

Hope you have better day tomorrow .:cool:

Aww sorry you had a manky day!!

But, that's a flipping good way to get the stress out

Last time we'd had our bathroom and downstairs loo re-done so guess who was out in the back garden with 2 toilet suites and a hammer

iPod on loud, goggles on and - well I had a smashing time!!

It really works!!

Another one that really gets the stress out is going to the bottle bank with all your empties, definitely relaxes me

Hope today is lots better for you hun

Tracey, I like your style

Oooh me too!!