Well yesterday was 2 months smoke free and weirdly I only realised that this morning... I guess that is a good thing cause I can’t be thinking about it as obsessively as I thought I was?
Having said that I still get cravings, probably a couple a day...
Drinking is still a big trigger for me and in my drunken state I just seem to sit there whinging “I wanna smoke” over and over... bizarrely though the idea of actually smoking doesn’t seem to cross my mind..? Would be nervous of drinking with smoker friends, although I’m struggling to think if I actually have any of those anymore.
I also get longings for one during the course of a normal day, straight after eating (especially a big meal), leaving the office at the end of a long day, dealing with stress...
These aren’t the same as the cravings I had in the first few weeks, these are more a feeling that something is missing or not right and then I realise its a fag and think... “oh I wish I could have a fag” and then it goes, that simple. More of an irritation than anything else.
I initially quit for a month, to prove I could, on some kind of “I can survive anything for a month” basis. At the end of the first month I extended it to new years eve. I am still wondering if when I get to new years eve I will actually want one, or if I’ll carry on.
I loved smoking... I honestly believe I did enjoy at least a few of the cigs I smoked each day. I still think smoking is kinda “cool” and I still wish I could be a smoker, I remember reading something once that said “if they found a cure for cancer etc would you start smoking again?” and my answer would probably be yes.... I quit because it’s bad for me, because it’s bad for other people around me, because my husband doesn’t want me to die, because I want to have a child sometime soon.... If all those things were eradicated and I could smoke guilt free I would.
I wish I’d never started smoking cause then I wouldn’t know how good it was. As a smoker I always envied people who never smoked, but felt sorry for ex smokers... The fact I’ve kind of become one hasn’t really changed that.
So, 2 months down – I’m proud I’ve done it. I have way more will power than I thought I did (now just need to apply that strength to food) it doesn’t hurt anymore to not smoke, and most of the time its not on my mind, but at the end of the day I feel I’m missing out – I feel sorry for myself!