2 months done! - Feeling sorry for myself

Well yesterday was 2 months smoke free and weirdly I only realised that this morning... I guess that is a good thing cause I can’t be thinking about it as obsessively as I thought I was?

Having said that I still get cravings, probably a couple a day...

Drinking is still a big trigger for me and in my drunken state I just seem to sit there whinging “I wanna smoke” over and over... bizarrely though the idea of actually smoking doesn’t seem to cross my mind..? Would be nervous of drinking with smoker friends, although I’m struggling to think if I actually have any of those anymore.

I also get longings for one during the course of a normal day, straight after eating (especially a big meal), leaving the office at the end of a long day, dealing with stress...

These aren’t the same as the cravings I had in the first few weeks, these are more a feeling that something is missing or not right and then I realise its a fag and think... “oh I wish I could have a fag” and then it goes, that simple. More of an irritation than anything else.

I initially quit for a month, to prove I could, on some kind of “I can survive anything for a month” basis. At the end of the first month I extended it to new years eve. I am still wondering if when I get to new years eve I will actually want one, or if I’ll carry on.

I loved smoking... I honestly believe I did enjoy at least a few of the cigs I smoked each day. I still think smoking is kinda “cool” and I still wish I could be a smoker, I remember reading something once that said “if they found a cure for cancer etc would you start smoking again?” and my answer would probably be yes.... I quit because it’s bad for me, because it’s bad for other people around me, because my husband doesn’t want me to die, because I want to have a child sometime soon.... If all those things were eradicated and I could smoke guilt free I would.

I wish I’d never started smoking cause then I wouldn’t know how good it was. As a smoker I always envied people who never smoked, but felt sorry for ex smokers... The fact I’ve kind of become one hasn’t really changed that.

So, 2 months down – I’m proud I’ve done it. I have way more will power than I thought I did (now just need to apply that strength to food) it doesn’t hurt anymore to not smoke, and most of the time its not on my mind, but at the end of the day I feel I’m missing out – I feel sorry for myself! :(

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  • Hi bubb

    I completely agree with all your sentiments but was probably too afraid to say it myself!

    I felt I was missing out on something, think I still do to be honest.

    I did really enjoy it too, like you say, at least 2 or 3 of them a day...

    ...the rest were pure habbit I'm sure but the after meal, after work, stress etc are the ones I miss the most.

    Having said that I know we are not missing out on anything really as smoking doesn't improve anything....

    I was speaking to my mother in law at the weekend. She gave up years ago. Well before NRT was on the scene.

    She said she was climbing the walls at the time!!

    She always felt she was missing out on something, she managed to stop and even started to never think of it at all...but she felt she was denying herself something.

    Then years later she was at a party and had one ..... well began to have one ... and it tasted disgusting!! She was nearly sick!

    It was then she realised she had not missed anything and was so glad she had stopped!

    I think in time we will be the same.

    I know in my case it is just my "junkie thinking"

    Me trying to convince myself that I should start again....

    Well Mr. Nifty (and bubb?) that aint gonna happen! :mad:

    So there!

    I'm sure if, even after 2 months or 7 weeks (in my case), if we had one now .... it would be disgusting!

    We will get there, we will get to the land of peace and contentment, its just going to take us a while :)

    Stay strong bubb

    Greg

    x

  • Well I dont know what to say. I feel like smoking is a huge abyss which I have climbed out of, but it seems to have come quite easy to you. However, as someone who has stopped hundreds of times, I remember feeling as you did once. I stopped smoking when pregnant with my little girl and demanded fags as soon as I got out of hospital, and even the fag burn in her tiny little baby gro which sent my husband crazy didnt stop me.

    I wonder if you need to explore your feelings a bit more. Which bit of smoking do you enjoy? the purchase, the lighting up, first draw?, or is it the relief of craving, the tiny hit or the reinforcement of beliefs that smoking helps you?

    It isnt cool, it just isnt, but I believed that 1 for years, Then I went to a 50th birthday party where most of the guests were tokers and smokers, and they looked old and ill and dirty and seedy. Eww so not cool.

    You are ahead of me, and I may not get to 8 weeks, so I am awed by how well you have done, maybe this is just how you do it, by telling yourself you can smoke in a month or in January, but like people who keep a packet around, it wouldnt work for me.

  • Hiya,

    If it's any help... I felt the same for the first few months. And I, like you, was annoyed and somewhat surprised that I was still getting these mildly obsessional, irritating feelings - not craves, but wants. I would see people smoking and feel envious. I would remember smoking fondly. I had clung to smoking for years and years because a) I still thought it was kind of cool and believed I enjoyed it and b) It was my last little bit of rebellion, it represented my unwillingness to give up my youth and be 'boring'. A part of me believed it was just a question of how long I'd last before caving, because cave I undoubtably would.

    Having said that, I must add that it wasn't that hard to keep going. These slightly cravey yearnings were beatable, I just had to keep choosing 'not to smoke today'.

    But after about six/seven months, there was a gradual but complete turnaround in my attitude to smoking. My subconscious brain caught up with my conscious choices. As the old habits were gradually undone, I started to view cigarettes in an entirely new light.

    Most importantly, not smoking did not change who I am. I did not suddenly become old and boring because I was a non smoker. I didn't sacrifice any of my personality. I realised that I had grown to loathe the smell of smoke (where I used to chase smokers down the street to get a whiff of it!). The thought of inhaling and taking smoke into my lungs was - is - unimaginable.

    I'm not saying this is guaranteed to happen for you but if I were you I'd persevere for a bit longer, because I think you're still in the process of retraining your brain.

    H

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