how to deal with living with a smoker?

It's day 10 and here is the desperate evening crave thing again. Smoking biros, munching carrot sticks....OH is good enough to not smoke in front of me, but i know he's out on the back step having a lovely cold beer and a lovely roll up. And normally i would be out there too having a lovely gin and tonic, and a lovely roll up.

I know i want to stay a non smoker, but on my last big quit i didn't live with a smoker. Finding this part really really hard and temptation huge.

Any one else out there giving up with a smoking partner? how are you handling it, managing it etc

5 Replies

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  • This reply may initially appear insensitive and unhelpful but sometimes you have to not pussyfoot around..

    This.

    It's a well worn record but there's no point in quitting when we still wish to smoke!

    Craves are triggered by the subconscious and your OH sparking up will trigger you. It doesn't matter whether you're out there with him suffering or you're inside suffering knowing he's out there puffing away. The result is still suffering.

    I know it's easy to say but the moment you lose the desire to smoke you can stand with any one whether they're a smoker or not and even light their fags for them, it no longer becomes an issue.

    Avoiding smoke, trying not to think about them, changing routine, distraction etc are all simple "NHS approved" methods to make your quit easier. In reality it just means you need a massive bucket of willpower because you're trying to avoid doing something that you dearly want to do!

    Of course it's only my opinion but I find that knowing my enemy helped enormously. ;)

  • I agree with Austin...don't avoid triggers, face them head on and they wont be an issue for long. I got through 90% of the every day triggers in the first week on purpose (seeing other people smoke, having a beer/vodka, coffee, after meals, phone calls, waking up, driving, using internet, dinner times, meals out, after naughties :blush:) The rest of triggers I have faced/will face when they come up.

    My OH still smokes - she goes into the spare room and smokes out of the window (we live in a flat) , however when we're in the car, she smokes. I just say "I'm a non smoker ha" in my head - I don't dwell on it as I have no desire to smoke. She is now hinting about trying to stop and has cut down massively, so I'll let her get her head round it and do it in her own time.

  • Thanks Dave and Austinlegro

    you are both completely right...and when i calmed down a bit yesterday evening, i could even start telling myself that. I know that i'm giving myself big pain thinking "deprivation". Really helpful, thanks. Day 11, onwards and upwards

  • I completely agree with Dave, its exactly how I have approached my quit.

    And I didn't need to type in a whole load of words into this message, awesome :o

  • Clean your carpets and furnishings on a regular basis. Fabrics are well known for soaking up the odor of smoke. Rent a carpet cleaner once in a while to actually take away the built up from smoke along with the smell.

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