am new and have lots of questions

hi everyone

came accross this forum whilst researching quitting and is the best forum i have read i am 9 days quit i am better than the early days [namely day 3] i am using patches by the way my partner and i decided back in november new year would be smoke free and a healthier new year so i felt i had mentally prepared quite well, but all this preparation hasnt prepared me for the feeling of sadness, depression, guilt and tears i have experienced and that can change from one to the other in a matter of minites, i never smoke in front of my children so infact i think i have made most of my fags 'special fags' which is why its hard, the guilt i feel with regards to my special fags is emmense i was glad my children went upstairs to play so i could have a fag and sometimes i would encourage them to go play so i could have one [ i cry as i write this sentence] please tell me this will fade its driving me insane i keep my kids around me all the time now and if they do go play it gives me such a bad feeling, i also miss the old me i dont want the old me back but i cant get the old me out of my head i do something say tidy up and think i used to have a fag after this i do something else and think i used to have a fag after that etc etc etc all day long this bangs around in my head, my evenings are wonderfull i feel like a care free non smoker and can function normally concentrate etc how can my evenings be so different from my days i am on maternity leave untill march and feel i am wasting my last precious months of my maternity feeling like this all these feeling are making me deparately feel like i want another baby i truely beleive being pregnant will make everything alright i am deparate to turn that corner i read so much about please tell me all this is normal and i will turn my corner

quit 1st jan 2011 using patches

9 Replies

  • Hi Boo and welcome to the Forum :)

    Firstly, congrats on 9 days...phew, that's nearly 2 weeks and quite an achievement :)

    Recently I've been banging on about the mental perspective about moving from being a smoker and a non smoker. For me when I stopped thinking I was 'giving up' something helped.

    After the early days of stopping smoking one has to deal with the mental side of smoking....such things that you mention - those special cigarettes, the old you/the new one. Mostly we've all dealt or are dealing with those aspects and don't think for a minute that it's only you that is going through that.

    It does improve and one way to help things improve is to understand what you are going through whilst you stop smoking, the days, weeks, months etc. Read around this forum plus the links in mine and others' sigs....these all contain valuable information, free of charge, from people who have gone through this experience.

    Here's a link title, My Cigarette, My Friend?

  • Hey there, and welcome.

    I know exactly how you feel - I was forever sneaking out when my kids were otherwise occupied and I think - and have said in many of my posts - that I kind of identified smoking with being young and a bit rebellious, I saw it as part of my personality, and a part that I didn't want to lose when everything else about me was so responsible. It was, and is, very hard to let go of that.

    It's all part of the mental process, I think. I don't know an easy way to get over it, but I think the feeling will fade in time. We just need to keep reminding ourselves why we have done this. Fags were not doing us any favours, and we're still the same people we used to be. We have not lost a friend, but fought off a mortal enemy!]

    Take care,


  • Helsbelles are u finding the feeling fading u are abit ahead of me my evenings are perfect i feel like a proper ex smoker thoughts flash in my head and flash out again but my day times are awfull it never leaves my head i get small flashes of not thinking about it

  • hi Cavalier thank u for your reply your forum has helped me so much before i even joined and posted i find reading about it helps for two reasons one that other people feel the same as me and i know i am not going insane and two spending time reading takes my mind off of the obesessive thoughts i cant seem to shift so thank u

  • Cheers for that Boo but I fear you have mistaken the ownership of the Forum. It's for the whole community and now that you are part of that community. So, it's ours :cool:

    The community is only as good as the information that is provided by past and present members. That's what makes this site an incredible resource. Keep reading, taking part, post as much as you need to, ask questions, help others along the way.

    In short....enjoy :)

  • Hello Boo.

    I wonder how old your baby is? I am not a doctor but I know smoking affects our hormone levels and it may be that you are particularly vulnerable.

    It sounds like you are creased up with guilt for your smoking past and I can identify with that- it shames me to admit that I would neglect my children in order to smoke, and that I would be sometimes very bad tempered with them because I wanted to smoke. It saddens me that I have hopefully finally stopped and my youngest is 16. I wish they had the nonsmoking me as a mother.It seems that yours are still very young, if you stop now, they masy never know this about them until you choose to shock them with storuies of your rebel past.

    It is ironic that it seems that in order to finally leave cigarettes behind we first have to spend a period of time obsessed with them. Partly this is an illusion- you are aware how much importance your special cigarettes had, and I bet you thought about it a lot, and about how desperate you were to stop.It would be nice if we could have all our smoking history and confusion surgically removed when we stop, just aas it would be nice to do the same at the end of a failed relationship, but it wouldnt really be good for us would it?

    We need to mourn them and we need to think about it. We need to forgive ourselves too, and be at peace.

    You are obsessed now, but the evenings are already good, although that may be when you smoked most?

    Very soon you will notice that you are mainly happy, that you havent thought about them for a while, or that you have thought about them realistically- like" oh i would have tried to sneak a fag then and my snooty neighbour has knocked and she would have caught me doing it-phew."

    Sorry this is so long. Keep posting. Forgive yourself

  • I know how you feel Boo !!

    Hi Boo..

    Please do not worry..I have felt exactly the same as you during my quit... It got that bad for me I actually said to my partner it felt like my best friend had died !! How bads that... I thought that I was going mental and that there was only me felt like that.. So strange how the dependancy gets you don't you think.

    It got that bad for me on day 5 that all I did was cry all day, but I am going into day 8 tomorrow and things a million times better..

    The thing that helped me too was reading allen carrs the easyway.. have you read it..if not you can get a free download off the internet or I could email it you now. Its a fantastic read and it changes the way you look at giving up and makes you feel different about the cigarette..

    Please stick it out as I speak from experience it does get better and well worth..

    Good luck

  • Hi Boo,

    Fading... well, kind of. I'm still thinking about smoking a LOT, but the way I'm thinking about it is changing. I've been taking the advice of people on here and reading, reading, reading. Sometimes about scary stuff, sometimes about success stories, depending on my mood. And gradually my attitude to my habit is feeling different.

    I guess it *was* a huge part of my personality. But instead of missing it now, I'm looking objectively at it, as a really sh*tty part of my personality. One that was killing me. One that I passionately don't want any more.

    It's the same as getting out of a bad or abusive relationship. You do miss it to start with because it's all you've known for so long. But over time you start to gain perspective and wonder how you ever thought it was a good place to be.

    I'm not over it - I'm still battling the addiction and in some ways I always will be. But the short answer is, yes, it gets better!


  • thank u for all your replies u are really helping me. and yes my baby is still young 6 and half months and i am still feeding her myself which would effect my hormones and i hadnt put that into the mix of all these feelings so will definately account for some of how i feel [i have checked with health visitor with regards to using patches and feeding she says it is fine and is less harmfull than smoking its self] i have 5 children altogether age 19,17,10,2 and 6 and half months it is my 10 year old i feel the most guilt to as the elder two were out doing there own thing and the younger two were oblivious to the impact of smoking that is where my guilt lies the heaviest. and yes it was a big big part of me for so long looking back it consumed so much of me my time, my money, my true personality, even down to my sence of smell and taste yet i yearn for it still WHY i make myself so angry and this is the battle that resumes in my head each day the good saying u took my time my health my money and all the good in me and then the bad is saying but u still want me i can do all this and u still want me. i used to more or less plan my day around my next sneaky fag why the hell am i missing that its ridiculous it like my brain is mixed up and reality doesnt exsist at the moment i get flashes of it and it comes to me in the evenings and wen i feel ok i cant understand how the days can be so bad and why i think like that but then in the day i cant comprehend feeling ok in the evening.

    i am sorry if this is ridiculous twaddle but i am just letting it flow outta my brain and into the keyboard

    i have ordered alan carr book at the weekend should be here next day or two

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