Ok, Feeling a bit low these last few days. I have not got a social life, and it seems to have lessened even more since quitting.
Bit of backround - single mother of two, with an ex-mother in law from hell as a childminder (she gets paid too). She believes that I should spend every second of my spare time with my children. Don't get me wrong, I love them to death, but I currently have one night out a year, as I am made to feel too guilty if I ask her to babysit more than once. The kids don't see their dad, my parents are getting on a bit, plus my daughter is a diabetic, so i can't just ask anyone to have them. Occasionally I get home from work and get to her house and she tells me the kids are staying at hers, but i never get any notice and she doesn't let me plan a night out without making me feel like an evil mother. Not to mention on my one night out a year, she tells the children how I'm out getting drunk!
I used to enjoy going out for my cigarette breaks and chatting to people from the office here and the office next door, now it seems i am stuck in my department, talking to the same people day in and day out. I get home, get blanked by the old witch, take the kids home, and then they start arguing until shower and bed time. They go to bed, i watch TV for an hour then go to bed myself, then the whole sorry routine starts again.
Everyone has stopped asking how my quit is, they think after 6 weeks that I'm cured, and now a non-smoker. I wish. I just think no-one else cares how i am getting on so why should i. I have had to physically force myself not to go into the shop and buy 10 cigarettes, as they seem like an old friend that i need to make up with.
I know I'm kidding myself really, but my mindset at the moment is that i was much happier as a smoker, and I'm sure I never got this down about anything before so i would be happier going back to smoking.
Sorry for ranting, just needed to say this to someone and no one else gives a shit!!