Loud Applause for Anon

[nsd_user663_4026]

You know who you are.

So much quiet support for me and others. And loud laughter provided. Its been a joy and a pleasure to know you.

Thank you and well done to the Secretary of the DFSers xx

[nsd_user663_3282]

Congrats on the year, Davofgy.

Here's a joke for you instead:

One day a blonde was driving on the highway and got pulled over by a cop. The cop said "Why do you keep swerving?" The blonde replied "I turn one way and there's a tree, I turn again there's a tree, and then there's a whole bunch more trees popping out of nowhere." The cop replied "You r*t*rd that's your air freshener."

[nsd_user663_6596]

Yaaaaaaayyyyyy!!!

Clap clap clap clap

Another sterling example for me to follow in the footsteps of..... the year quit is just so inspirational!!!

Blummin Well Done!!!!!!!

[nsd_user663_4786]

Your a star, a huge well done and keep up the jokes, here is one from me.

Two Mexicans have been lost in the desert for weeks. At death's door, they see a tree in the distance. As they get nearer, they see that it's draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon: smoked bacon; crispy bacon; life-giving, nearly raw, juicy bacon... all sorts of bacon. "Hey, Pepe," says the first Mexican, "ees a bacon tree! We're saved!" So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree. As he gets to within five feet, he's gunned down in a hail of bullets. His friend drops down on the sand and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe! Pepe! Que pasa hombre?" With his last breath, Pepe calls out, "Ugh, run, amigo, run, ees not a bacon tree, ees a ham bush."

[nsd_user663_5920]

And another new Penthouse resident :cool:

photo.net/general-comments/...

Congrats on your One Year and wishing you continued success

[jackieinv]

It's a special day for a special guy, Congratulations David I hope your day was great. Keep posting the jokes.

Jackie

[nsd_user663_4121]

Congratulations on your one year milestone, Davo!!! This year has been tough but you've always been just a few key strokes away.... always kind and caring, always funny. You've not celebrated a single milestone yet you've congratulated all of us on each of ours! So now is my time to say GO DAVID! WELL DONE! Big hug for you! Bells xxxx

PS - at work now... can't go lookin for jokes but will look for one in your honor later!!

[nsd_user663_4119]

I shall assume you dont mind being congratulated for being in da Penthouse then!

I am all out of jokes and I doubt there is one you havent heard!!

Well Done on getting here and long may it continue.

Nog

xxx

[nsd_user663_4990]

Ohhhhhhhhhh lovely!!!!!!!!!!!! well done you!!!!!!!!!!!!

1 whole year quit now, and how many jokes have you posted in that time? tons !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Congratulations on a year fella!!!!!!!!

Here's to many more good months free from the weed.

j

[nsd_user663_4166]

congrats to my quit buddy

well done you, the feb club is going strong

[nsd_user663_4149]

Thank you all, don't know where to start, must say though with all these goodwill messages, my pressie and cards here I celebrate THREE birthdays now, all in the winter lol. Thanks for starting the thread Fiona, I nearly posted a message myself, I realised it was for me when I saw Chrissies post, have had cake Chrissie, enjoyed the music and was just about to get on to you about that dud link when I saw the other one. Thanks for the jokes Bev, Iain and Chrissie I've nicked two of them, but will have to colour code them so I don't post them here.

I can hear that applause Zozie. Thanks for your colourful well done Pol and I will keep posting the jokes my little "Flower of Scotland" (are you little?). Thanks for your continued best wishes and I await with baited breath for your joke Ma Belle ( I know). Don't mind being congratulated on my first birthday Nog and thank you for yours. Thanks for your good wishes all of you, don't know how many jokes I've posted Jase, first one on 18/05, think I've averaged more than one a day so that's a few, don't think I've got many fresh ones left. Thanks to you too my fav from the Emerald Isle, Eileen. Thanks once again all of you, much appreciated. Love David.

i12.photobucket.com/albums/...

[nsd_user663_4121]

Okay Davo.... here's the jokes. Couldn't pick just one and maybe there is at least one you've not heard before

How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?

Both of them.

How does a man show that he is planning for the future?

He buys two cases of beer.

What did God say when he created Adam?

I can do better than this.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?

A widow.

Why do men like love at first sight?

It saves them a lot of time.

Husband: Want a quickie?

Wife: As opposed to what?

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife.

How can you tell if a man is happy?

Who cares?

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.

When would you want a man's company?

When he owns it.

How do you get a man to do sit-ups?

Put the remote control between his toes.

Why are blond jokes so short?

So men can remember them.

How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?

At the circus the clowns don't talk.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

A dog only takes a couple of months to train

What do you call a man with half a brain?

Gifted.

A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?

Dating children.

Why do men want to marry virgins?

They can't stand criticism.

Why do men name their penises?

Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.

Why did God create man?

Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

How can you tell if a man is aroused?

He's breathing.

How do you save a man from drowning?

Take your foot off his head.

Why are men like laxatives?

They can irritate the **** out of you

How do men exercise on the beach?

By sucking in their stomach everytime they see a bikini

What do you call a handcuffed man?

Trustworthy

What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband?

Miss her.

Pity her.

Why is it dangerous to tell the husband to go and change the son?

Two hours later he comes back with a baby girl.

Men are proof of reincarnation.

You can't get that dumb in just one lifetime.

Wife: "I won the lottery! Five million dollars. Whoo-ee--start packing!"

Husband "That's great!!! What should I pack?"

Wife: "Whatever you want, just be out of the house by the time I get there"

How does a woman know the man is cheating on her?

He starts bathing twice a week.

What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?

Divorce him.

What do you call a woman that works like a man??

A lazy *****.

Did you hear about the baby born with both sexes?

It had a penis AND a brain!

What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO?

I don't know, I've never seen either one.

xxxxx bella

[nsd_user663_4149]

Okay Davo.... here's the jokes. Couldn't pick just one and maybe there is at least one you've not heard before

Flipping heck Bells there's loads there that I've never heard,it's like Christmas, thanks. David. xxx

[Deke 9 Years Smoke Free]

Great going David. Huge CONGRATULATIONS on getting to the penthouse and sailing on into year 2.

And thanks so much for all the help, support and laughs. You have been an integral part of so many quits, not least my own.

[nsd_user663_4991]

Congratulations Davo

Well done Davo on reaching the Golden milestone , a whole year WOO HOO

Enjoy your new healthy life in the penthouse for you deserve to be in there .

Regards Trev

20 a day for 30 years :eek:

QUIT 28TH APRIL 09

3 MONTHS patches

almost 7 MONTHS Cold turkey

[nsd_user663_4149]

Thanks Deke and Trev. It is a lot healthier now Trev, 30 years on meds for high blood pressure, now knocked on the head, for how long I don't know. Hope you're round to stay again Deke, nice having you. David

[nsd_user663_4016]

Davofgy, CONGRATULATIONS ON 1 YEAR SMOKE FREE!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you for all the jokes and I hope you keep them coming. It always makes the day better to start with a smile. Welcome to the penthouse. Jody

[nsd_user663_7469]

Congratulations and Celebrations you want the world to know that quittings what your good at, and as an aside thanks for the laughter xx

[nsd_user663_4149]

Thank you both for your kind words, Jody and Jamangie. I will keep posting the jokes that I nick from other places, glad you enjoy them. David