Is there a Bright Side to Mental Health and Kidney Disease/Failure? Asks the Queen

[HipHopQueen]

The other day was National Mental Health day and I thought a lot about my own experiences with bipolar disorder. I read a fact by NAMI that said 75% of mental health issues begin at 24. I was 23-24 when I had my first experience with bipolar disorder. Why am I saying all of this on a website dedicated to Kidney Disease/Failure, because without my mental health issues I wouldn't be here. Immediately after my first bipolar episode full of high highs and low lows, I began taking lithium. It made me feel normal not flat and it was a feeling of normalcy that I wanted to sustain. I kept taking lithium well cared for and managed but silently doing damage to my kidneys until it was obvious to doctors that I needed to be seen by a nephrologist. It breaks my heart that I'm here today telling this story, but I always say this is my journey and I'm going to brightside it. Maybe what I say will help someone else. Maybe someone else will feel a sense of comfort to know that they are not alone.

I've had some episodes of depression that had me stuck to the bed unable to do anything but gaze out of the window and watch the leaves on a tree blow back and forth. I've had some manic episodes that had me on a merry go round of projects, reading and music. I am thankful that people were around me that got me to the hospital and then to my parents. I searched and searched for a reason why. I never did find one so I stopped looking and started my path to acceptance. I was on lithium for ten years before I got off it. Transitioning to something new felt like an uneasy exploration, but I knew it had to be done. Luckily it was okay I felt like I could still live my life.

In one of my depression episodes I felt like I didn't want to live and attempted suicide. I now use a wheelchair from a devastating accident where I jumped from a building onto a landing. I recall patchy details of that day that I won't repeat here. Luckily I have a high level of function and have been able to live a really good life. This lead me to counseling and medication management for over twenty years. It's been amazing that these mental health professionals have been able to be so helpful to me. That's something I want to share. Though counseling may not be great for everyone, it is really helpful to so many. It is truly a growth experience. I hope that my honestly though protected by anonymity is powerful. This is my truth and I share it with you to brightside mental health. Mental Health is a powerful powerful thing. Let us all be healed if need be by the support of professionals and loved ones.

[drmind]

Wow, what a journey. Bless you for sharing it and lending support to others who may need the help and encouragement to seek help. You are a brave and loving person.

[HipHopQueen in reply to drmind]

Awe. Thank you. I’m just trying to be helpful to others. And it helps me to help others.

[horsie63]

Thanks for sharing this. I was thinking along those lines Sat as I waited for the farrier to come trim my horses feet. I was feeling rather pissed off/sad about all the food restrictions and how unfair it was and how unhappy I was. I was thinking instead of pursuing a transplant and/or dialysis just letting it all go. While I was sitting there having a pity party I noticed all these white moths flying around the weedy yellow flowers and thought how they'd all be dead with the first frost. And then I thought of how sad my daughter and granddaughter would be if I died. So I got up and got through another day. Now it seems as my retina dystrophy has gotten worse and in some future date I'll be blind. Sometimes it's hard keeping on. I go visit my granddaughter in a few weeks and that will make it all better....at least for awhile.

[HipHopQueen in reply to horsie63]

I’m sorry about things being dark I definitely didn’t mean to bring that out the only thing I can think of is the light will shine again. I’m glad you got to see the yellow flowers. I know the moths were the focal point but looking at it differently. Stay strong.

[Darlenia]

Thank you for your powerful and encouraging message. It needs to be heard by everyone. I had a brother with schizophrenia and he went through a lot too. I'm so glad you're here - sending light to all of us. We embrace you too, warrior lady!

[HipHopQueen in reply to Darlenia]

I’m feeling that warrior lady! Can I keep it. Makes me smile. Life is a battle but we pick up our swords and fight through it. LOL very cheesy. But that what I think.

[Blackmidnight]

Thank you for sharing.