I want my father to have my kidney, but he doesn’t want to accept it, please help!

[Claire24601]

Hi everyone I am from Uruguay, tiny country in South America. So first I want to apologize for my English. My father has been in dialysis for 16 years (HD). I’m 35 and I have to be honest and say that I, subconsciously, thought it would be tough but not impossible.

I’m very close to my father and my mother and we help each other out in anyway possible. We are positive and happy.

He has been through many surgeries for new AVF (4 at least). He’s 63 years old now and he seems to be exhausted. He always does his best to “hide” anything from his disease not to cause worries. I know that thank God kidneys are different from any other organ. We love those machines that are people’s kidneys!

However, he’s now overwhelmed with all the details that come with this treatment. Legal actions to receive Renvela (things are different here), paying more than we can in order for meds, treatments, equipment, food, etc.

Last October he seemed to have a sprained ankle. We went to emergency 3 times and they had the diagnosis: sprained ankle. Only one of the traumatologists was concerned with an infection and run some tests. One value shouted infection and still since white cells weren’t high. A month went by and he was told that he had to go to the hospital because he needed transfusions. His red cells were too low and they had to find out the cause. On October 13 test started with no answers. Two days later the nephrologist came to his room and said no more tests, he had an infection from a bacterium which was in the blood. It is staphylococcus epidermis, thank God it seems to be sensible to some antibiotics. He started receiving Vancomycin a month ago and tests showed that it was in the prosthesis. So surgery to demolish the AVF and to place a catheter in his neck.

December 13 and he was sent home with the same treatment (plus Rifampicin that’s taken orally). The center is giving him the vancomycin every time he has dialysis.

Sorry for the long explanation but we’re not showing any worries (dad, mom and I) and we are really nervous about it. I’m afraid to be able to do something for him and not realizing, or for thinking it’s even less serious than what I think it is. I’m not a doctor, but here we either learn something or we are not listened to.

I know that infection has to be completely healed in order to think about the next step specially when they have told us many times that this was the last fistula.

I know I am thinking out loud and I am sorry for doing this but I cannot help thinking about wether to insist on the donation or if he would see that as a negative thing he would be more worried about.

I love him and I want to do anything to help him as he does every day since I was born!

Thanks and sorry again!

[Jayhawker]

First, in my country your father would have to undergo considerable testing to see if he is strong enough to survive a transplant. Second, potential living organ donors also have to undergo considerable testing before they would be approved to donate an organ. This process can take some time.

Have you and your father talked with his nephrologist (kidney doctor) about the possibility of pursuing a transplant? That would be the first step in my country.

Also, I think it’s important for you and your father, perhaps your entire family, to have an open discussion about all of this. My father had chronic kidney disease and ultimately received in home HD dialysis 3 times a week. My mother and I were his dialysis care providers. I, too, wanted to donate one of my kidneys to my father. He did not want me to do that. But we still talked with his nephrologist about that option. It was in that appointment that we learned that my father wasn’t healthy enough to qualify for a transplant. So, after learning that we committed to providing in home HD dialysis for my father for the rest of his life, which we did.

But again, this must be discussed with your father first and then with his nephrologist. We would ultimately have honored my father’s wishes about a transplant had he had a choice.

This situation is definitely not easy.

Jayhawker