Husband just had surgery for AV graft

[Lifehasitschallenges]

My husband had surgery last week for his AV graft in his leg. He was getting it so that he was ready when dialysis is imminent. His Gfr fluctuates and he’s been hospitalized for a few days because of it.

He is having a rough time recovering from this. I figured that the first few days he would be swollen and pain, but he seems miserable. He’s sleeping on/off during the day, which is not normal for him. His pain med dose is only 5mg, so not too sure that’s why he’s sleeping.

anyone else had a rough recovery from this surgery? Thank you

[Bassetmommer]

Sometimes when you get the graft, fistula or port, it is a realization that dialysis is going to happen and your existing life is going change drastically. And unfortunately, there is a grief period. Give him time, and see if he comes out of it. Is hard for you because you're watching something you have no control over. Best to both of you.

[Lifehasitschallenges in reply to Bassetmommer]

Thank you for your kind words.

[drmind]

Sorry to hear about his poor recovery. Have you checked with his medical team to make sure the surgery site is healing properly? Hoping as Bassemommer said that he msy need some tine to deal with this life adjustment. Best to you both and a hope that your husband feels better soon.

[Lifehasitschallenges in reply to drmind]

Thank you.

He’ll say he’s in pain, then when I say “let’s get ahold of your doctor just to make sure that what you’re going through is normal”. He’ll be quiet for awhile. He then will say “I’m feeling better”. He’s not.

He is going tomorrow to get a blood draw to make sure his Gfr is good (it was like pulling teeth). He’s just being really stubborn. I’m letting him go at his pace…but it gets a bit frustrating.

[drmind]

Hang in. I bet he's hoping it clears up before he has to go to the doctors. I'm amused a little because I sometimes do this, too, when my son urges me to seek some help. He's always complaining about how stubborn I am. In my case, i just don't want to deal with anything new and are hoping all is well before i may have to. Best always

[Lifehasitschallenges in reply to drmind]

Thank you for responding

I understand the “stubborn” part. Like today, he said he wants to mow the lawn. I told him he should wait because he’s still talking about being in pain. He said he’ll stop if he feels anything. I said…well I think he should wait.

He mowed the whole lawn. Came in. Said that he’s hurting and that it wasn’t a good idea. Ummmm…how many times can I say “I told you so?”

I actually opted not to say anything. He knows it was dumb. This process will def be challenging.

[Darlenia in reply to Lifehasitschallenges]

I'm a caregiver (more of a care partner now) to my husband. I watched him go downhill, move to dialysis, and later get a transplant. Just know you, as a caregiver, have the "power" to summon medical assistance whenever you feel it's necessary to do that. My husband ignored whatever I said and even said he would turn away EMTs if summoned, etc. I believed what he said and just sat there...helpless, worried, and sleepless. Later, after things did go upside down, a home health nurse wondered why I hadn't taken initiative earlier. She then told me caregivers are valued - our voices and observations matters. Medical professionals, including EMTs, know patients like that, would have come to the house, and have ways of turning them around. Our voices matter. Anyway, I learned something new that day - it made a world of difference on how I interact with my husband and his team from that day on.

I want to add that I think you're doing fine right now with your husband. Just keep an eye on him. If you see things you don't like, trust your judgement, and don't hesitate to tell your husband's doctors or others if needed.

[Lifehasitschallenges in reply to Darlenia]

Thank you so much for all the information. I think if I keep my patience at a positive level and take a deep breath, it’ll be easier on my blood pressure and in turn, I’ll be a better caretaker. It’s either that or take up drinking (just kidding).

Thanks again

[drmind]

He just wants things to he normal again. It's good that you're letting him do what he wants because then he finds out for himself that it may not have been a good idea. Work on yourself now and trying to be accepting. He seems to be learning.

[Lifehasitschallenges in reply to drmind]

Thank you.

I think the reality of this whole dialysis thing is coming to the surface. The tubing in his leg is more apparent. His main incision is pronounced. He actually said that he wonders how much pain the access will bring.

This is a man that has had multiple surgeries/hospital stays in the past, has other ailments that he powers through on a daily basis, and this is the first time that I hear him talk about concern. I on the other hand am healthy and having a splinter would be the most I’d have to tackle.

My main worry right now is depression. I see him have quieter moments. Dialog is open. I don’t brush him off….. just something to keep an eye on.

Thanks again