Mental health.

[Rmatthew]

Hi again, I’m almost 5 months post transplant and for the last while I’ve been thinking constantly about the person who unfortunately passed away and I got one of their kidneys, and I can’t shake the guilt I’ve been feeling over it, to the point it’s kept me up all night countless times. I’m not sure how to balance out the appreciation of receiving a new chance at life and the guilt aswell. Did anyone else have this sort of battle mentally?

[Bassetmommer NKF Ambassador]

Hi Rmatthew, I have not received a transplant yet. I too struggle with the guilt of getting one. So I understand. The thing is this: Someone gave you the gift of life. It is an honor to help a fellow human out. They may have not known the specifics, but at some point in their life, they made a decision to offer up their body to help someone go on living. Honor their gift and do great things with your life. Volunteer, mentor, advocate for patient health, teach about kidney disease or other things you are passionate about. Forward this gift. They gave you time when they had none, so move on, be grateful and do good works.

[Jayhawker]

Hi Rmatthew🐶

I am awaiting a deceased donor kidney right now. I was waitlisted January 10, 2020. So, at this point I can’t be sure how I’ll feel after receiving the precious gift of a deceased donor kidney. However, I have certainly thought some about it.

For me, my thoughts go back to me applying for my first driver’s license at 16 years of age. Without hesitation I indicated that I wanted to donate my organs should I pass away. I talked with my parents about my decision and my wishes. As I said then, if anyone can benefit from any of my organs after I die, I want them to have my organs.

I’m now 67 years of age. I still sign the form. Anyone who receives one of my organs after I pass away would be honoring my wishes. Nothing would please me more...

I suspect that many who choose to donate their organs for transplantation after they have died feel a lot like I do. It is my hope that , should I be fortunate enough to receive a deceased donor kidney, my life will honor the donor’s life and wishes as he or she agreed to serve as a deceased organ donor.

Having said that, have you visited with the transplant center social worker? He or she may be able to help you process through the many emotions that result from receiving a deceased donor kidney.

Jayhawker

[Norfickgal]

I'm waiting to go on transplant list and wondered how I'll feel about having someone else's kidney. I think it's a life gift attached to you so why not treat it like a new best friend. If I was the donor I would be pleased to know there was a part of me still living to do good, and have a new buddy to enjoy life with.

[BabbetteFrank]

I might be able to offer a little perspective from the other side. My husband is a widower and his previous wife was an organ donor. During the first year following her death he received periodic letters from organ donor services telling him things like a 36 year old man received her liver and is doing well; a 49 year old man received a retina, etc. He said it brought him some light during that period and helped shape his grief in a positive direction.

[Rmatthew]

Hi all, Thankyou for your replies, I think I will talk to my transplant team at my next clinic visits, because although I’m eternally grateful, the feelings having about the poor family and person just stays stuck in my head. My kidney is working fantastically (got my bloods back today from Tuesday) and I’ll continue to do the best care I can for the kidney and myself.

These page have helped me a lot recently, to feel less alone going through transplant and able to talk to other people going through similar situations.

I hope you all has a lovely and safe Christmas.

[Sky1982]

The kind soul who signed their donor card wanted to ensure that, should their life end, they would still be able to help someone else live. I don't think they would want you to feel guilty, as they made the conscience choice to offer this donation should the worst happen to them. Their life is gone and that is tragic; however, even after this, that person was still able to help someone else - you. I think it's best to remember their gift, and honor that person by living the best life you can. Wish you the best.

[PPearl]

I 100% agree with Sky1982. I'm 18 years post lung transplant and my donor family views my transplant as the only positive thing that came out of a tragic accident that took their family members life. Whenever we are together we celebrate the life of my donor and there are no feelings of guilt by anyone. I also have two close friends who donated their loved ones organs and they both were so happy to hear about the people they saved. You have been blessed with the gift of life which many will never receive, be humble and grateful and try to do a little extra good in the world. That's my philosophy and I know for certain my donor named Joseph would agree. Be Well.