End of my tether

Hi, I am the cliché. I saw a holiday photo and realised I am twice as wide as my husband. The husband who adores me and with whom I am happier than I ever imagined but I get depressed and I am lazy and eat too much. I need to lose a lot of weight....this is my last resort to be honest. I can't afford clubs and don't really want to have to have a public 'weigh in' but the online support is something I can cope with! I sound a misery, I'm not....but I need to practice what I preach and look after myself better.

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37 Replies

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  • Welcome! We are a lovely group.

  • Thank you! I need to find my way around the site but there is a lot of encouragement. Thank you for your reply! I am learning.....and look forward to getting to know people and hopefully helping others once I get going!

  • Welcome Josie101170 😊

    We all have a starting point - mine was wearing a wetsuit on a holiday in Cornwall 🐳😁

    You will find masses of support here, and one of the admin team will fill you in on lots of useful info 😊

  • Vey true! I have a lot of weight to lose so am hoping to take it slowly...one day I may even get my own wetsuit! I appreciate your message. Thank you.

  • I'm in a similar boat, until I started this journey, I weighed about double what my husband does :( I've always been bigger than him (he's underweight for his height, but not due to lack of eating!) and yeah, it sucked. He's also trying to get fitter now to gain weight, so hopefully we'll manage to meet in the middle somewhere!

    I can understand where you're coming from, I personally wouldn't do a public weigh in because I'd feel rubbish if I'd gained. I'm aiming to weigh myself once a month to see a bigger picture on my weight loss instead of lots of tiny ones. Obviously you'll find what's suitable for you :) the community here is lovely, and people definitely have others health and best interests in mind, it's a great place for inspiration and advice.

  • I was wondering about the monthly weigh in! I am a slave to my hormones so that would be best for me...and feeling my clothes fit better would be a great incentive!

    Thank you for your comment, I am feeling better already!

  • Monthly sounds like a good plan for you then :) I just find it quite motivating to see a bigger number drop off less frequently, but we're all different! Feeling your clothes fit differently is an awesome feeling!! I now fit into a pair of jeans I haven't been able to wear in years and I'm over the moon.

    Sometimes just knowing others are in a similar boat and are facing the same struggles can be very comforting :) I've only been here a couple of weeks but it's been beneficial already.

  • That sounds like a really honest post... which is a great start. You seem to have identified exactly what the issues are (depression, not moving enough).

    I too made "a last effort" which started in 2012. I was considering weight loss surgery as a last resort. I knew two friends who'd had stomach bypass surgery - so I knew that it wasn't an easy option and that what I could eat would have to change for the remainder of my life if I took that route.

    I too had tried slimming clubs in the past - lost a bit of weight, re-gained and a bit more each time. I couldn't stand sitting in the class listening to accounts of people who seemed to be doing better than I was - or almost worse - was listening to people who enjoyed telling the group just how badly they'd eaten! Looking back, I know that just weighing in each week isn't enough. You have to put some effort in to what happens in between classes.

    In 2012, I started to get my life back on track following some life changing events. A bad car accident in 2002, further surgery for a leg injury I sustained in 2005, my marriage breaking up (2007). I was a single parent with a 9 year old child.

    Met a wonderful new man in 2008. He gave me what had been missing from my first marriage - plenty of emotional support. I am very strong emotionally, but doesn't mean I don't need support myself!

    Joined an on-line slimming website weightlossresources.co.uk on 28/2/12. Really haven't looked back!

    When you are logging food and how many calories you are consuming, you have to face up to just how you got to be overweight! I was eating as much as my boyfriend - who was a foot taller than me and who's much more mobile.

    With his support I started my long journey. It's not all been plain sailing and life throws the odd curved ball to throw me off course from time to time. But I lost 4.5 stone. Got to my goal in September 2014, have regained a bit and lost again since that date. Logging food has been something I have had to do to keep the weight off. If I stop, the weight goes up at quite an alarming rate!

    No way will I ever get to 14 stone again (I'm only 4ft 9"!)

    It sounds as though you have a lovely supportive husband. I hope he'll be able to give you the support you need. We're here too!

  • What a wonderful message. Thank you for taking the time to write. You are right in all that you say and I am lucky enough to be healthy. The doctor was shocked at my stats when I had a routine MOT considering I weigh as much as an average male Rugby Player! I know I have done the right thing by joining this site, and feel more motivated than I have ever done. Many thanks.

  • Realised after I'd posted that it was rather "all about me" but hopefully you'll see that change is possible (with enough determination, support and encouragement!)

  • Yourpost was about you, and that's a good thing. We sometimes feel totally alone in our fight against fat. A bit of poor me can creep in. It's nice to know your not alone, others have had the same problems, l relate to accident, divorce etc and like you have got through to a wonderful marriage with a supportive selfless man. It's good to know others have got through and have achieved great things in their lives. Give yourself a hug from me, your an inspirational lady.

  • 💐🙂 thank you for your supportive post!

  • Well done for joining us Josie. The encouragement for you will be flying through the airwaves. Losing weight is a tough job, that's why we are here. There are some amazingly inspirational people here and everyone will share with you and urge you on.

    Honesty is definitely the best policy and weighing food/counting calories is an important part of that for me.

    Enjoy your journey and remember how long it took to put the weight on, it never comes off as quickly unfortunately.

  • Thank you! I aim to log my food and exercise but also plan as much as I can when cooking meals. I am the one responsible for preparing food in the house, for my husband and teenage son! I have to be aware that I don't need to eat the same amount as they do!

    I especially love the part in your message about the time it will take. I have lost two stone in previous years and felt thin (at 14 stone!) so gave up, adding the loss and more! It is ridiculous really, looking back.

  • Josie, you have been so honest about losing and putting on again and now you don't want to do that anymore, which is great. You are realistic about cooking and recognise that portion size will be important so it is all systems go!

  • Hi Josie101170 and welcome to the forum.

    We all have those 'moments'. Mine was three years ago seeing a photo of myself at my daughter's nursery. I felt like an embarrassment to her. I lost 3 1/2 stone and feel loads better, but I'm still trying to lose a bit more to get to my preferred weight after having another child. This time it's been much harder, but I will get there at some point and you can too. This forum provides so much support and encouragement.

    Check out the Welcome Newbies post in the pinned posts section (to the right of your screen on a pc, bottom on a mobile) - this contains some great info for starting out and navigating your way around the site. Then work out your BMI using the NHS BMI calculator nhs.uk/tools/pages/healthyw... and have a look at the 12 week healthy eating plan. Don't forget to sign up for the weekly emails.

    Take all of your before measurements and maybe a photo.

    We run weigh-ins every day; at the moment Sunday is our least busy day and consider joining some of our challenges as they are fun and motivating.

    We also give out weight loss badges and you are welcome to have a Newbie one for the first 12 weeks of your journey if you would like one?

    Best of luck and I look forward to seeing you around ☘

  • Thank you! I love a badge! I still ask for a sticker at the dentist!

    I have signed uo for the 12 week program and have my first email. I wish I knew this resource was available before...but I am here now and overwhelmed by the support!

    I was a preschool practitioner for many years so know how little ones take your attention so thank you for your message.

  • Hi Josie and welcome :)

    I too started the 12 week programme and I am in my second week. I was sticking to the 1400 calories that it suggested until I understood about the BMI calculator that isou7000 mentions. I have been eating 1800 calories since then and the weight is coming off without any feelings of deprivation at all. I am eating much more healthily and drinking less (alcohol) but still having some. The biggest difference for me was the increase in exercise. I too am quite lazy but I have joined the February exercise challenge to do at least 150 minutes each week. It is very doable. I started the Strength and Flex programme from NHS Choices which I do around the house and I can feel the difference already nhs.uk/Livewell/strength-an...

    Best of luck, I am just about to shift myself... :D

  • Hi, thank you for your message. I love the idea of 150 minutes of exercise per week, that is a definite increase and a do-able amount...not too scary! I appreciate your advice.

  • Welcome Josie101170 You don't sound a misery at all, but you do sound similar to how I felt last October. I started the NHS 12 week weight loss plan as a "last resort", with no confidence I would make it to the end of week 1, let alone to the end of week 12! I love eating and hate watching what I eat! I also didn't feel confident joining a weigh in, but I have found reading other people's experiences on this forum so useful, for tips, support and just to hear about what other people have achieved.

    I approached the weight loss plan like a boring work task that I wasn't looking forward to but had to undertake! To be begin with it was tiresome, but I told myself I had to stick it out - if only to week 4. It was really difficult at first - mostly just due to the hassle of having to count calories. But after the first few weeks I was losing a steady 1 - 2 lbs per week - and this was such a huge motivator! By week 4 I was beginning to feel happier and healthier and more determined to make it to the end. I set small targets, my initial weight loss goal was quite low so when I achieved this I was thrilled and just moved it a little lower. In terms of exercise I've tried to walk more and I've been eating more vegetables and drinking more water. This has been easier to achieve than when I've vowed to join a gym, swim x number of time a week or stop eating bread/pasta/cheese etc entirely - then inevitably failed and felt more miserable!

    Its all been small steps - trying to stay within my daily calorie allowance and adjusting my calorie intake down the next day to compensate if I've gone over one day, rather than giving up. I'm amazed at how full I can now feel despite eating considerably less than I used to, mostly just by making more sensible choices. I do now regret not having measured or photographed myself at week 1, but I just didn't have the confidence in my ability to lose weight then!

    Good luck with your weight loss, I am certain you will be successful as you know what you want to achieve and what you need to do.

  • Well done for sticking to your guns....we are allowed blips sometimes, but starting again is the hard part...that is where I am just now! Your message is so encouraging and how wonderful to hear other people feel the same as you. I am looking forward to spoiling and looking after myself for a change knowing that I am going to feel better too!

  • Cracking message josiero, so encouraging and not pretending it is not difficult at times because we all know it is. It is the sticking to it that is so important.

  • Good luck to you, too. I already feel encouraged and determined. The small targets hint is one I will take on board as I have a lot to lose and need to break it into managable chunks so it doesn't look like an impossible task! Thank you

  • Thank you! I am going to follow people and learn from everyone. How encouraging to get all this support already! Good luck to you, too.

  • Good luck sweetie. .. this site is great as we all in the same boat...if you have a bad day dieting you get such moral support here and people so keen to share good dieting tips.... I have 3 stone left to lose and it's not easy ..but I often use this site to help ....anyway good luck 😊

  • Thank you very much. I am still unsure how much I 'should' lose and how much I wish to lose. Whatever....I must loose!

  • Hi 😊 My husband is 11 stone and works out every day and I'm 22 stone and I tried working out with him once and it wasn't for me 😂

    He loves you and he wants you to be healthy and happy!

    I have horrible feelings thinking how can he find me attractive when I am twice his size. But he really does so I have to try to not push him away and not get discouraged by just how big a difference there is.

    You can do it! Fit for life 😘

  • You know how I feel! My man is the same, he loves me...end of. I have even had people openly show their suprise that he should be married to me...cheeky swines! Having said that, I want to be with him for as long as possible...that means getting healthy! Let's support eachother!

  • You've done the best thing by joining up here. You will definitely receive a lot of support. My journey started 7 weeks ago and I've lost just under a stone. You can do it 😊

  • Well done. A stone is a lot of weight...I am looking forward to losing one!!!

  • And you will!!! Xx

  • Hi Josie101170 welcome to this wonderful forum. Like you I don't like public weigh ins. I never even told my husband what I weighed, so why would I want anybody else to know.I have however declared my weight on this forum and said out loud on here that I have 5 stone to loose. I have to say it is quite liberating and somehow I don't feel so embarrassed about what I weigh anymore, I guess because it is a 'faceless' sight.

    I have done weight watchers and slimming world in the past but have never lost much weight and used to come away from the classes feeling depressed as I used to stick to them rigidly and never seem to get anywhere, I remember moaning to a friend who was doing really well, then she told me she cheated, like a lot of the others who were loosing it all really well. I think at that point I just felt really disillusioned and also weak because I new I wouldn't be able to cheat as I couldn't cope with eating such a small amount, I didn't have the will power to do that. As it happens most of the people that did that have regained most of their weight over the years, I see them in town and they are endlessly going from one club to another. There was never the support in those groups as there is on this forum. I complete my 4th week tomorrow up to today I have lost 61/4 pounds, hoping when I weigh in tomorrow I will have cracked the 1\2 stone mark. I'm here for the long haul, I don't want to loose it all to quickly, I don't think for me that that would be sustainable.

    The biggest thing I have learned from this site is to make sure you are eating enough, you can work out your BMI on the NHS 12 week plan site, if you haven't already done that, I admit I do eat less than they tell me but it does give you an idea. I used to eat 1300 cals a day but have upped it to between 1400-1500. I keep an extra 100 cals for both Friday and Saturday as those are the days I struggle with. I have not taken anything out of my eating plan I just eat much more healthily and don't eat all the naughty things every day. I made sure I had healthy snacks in as soon as I started. If I say I'm never going to eat something again, I just crave it so for me it's better to count it in now and again. If you have a bad day and you think it's all going to pot, post on the forum for help and you will find people come running and remind you why your doing it and they drag you back onto the weight loss wagon.

    Make a list of non food treats to reward yourself with when you reach your milestones, I found this quite hard to do at first, but have decided that when I reach each half stone I will go and treat my self to some Sanctuary show gel, I never buy this for myself, just for other people. When I get to a stone I'm going to have a luxury pedicure. Best of luck with you weight loss journey.

  • Thank you for your message and advice. Great idea to have non food treats. I also buy Sanctuary smellies as gifts, never justifying getting them for myself...that will be my first half stone goal 'gift' too! The support on here has blown me away. Take care

  • Welcome - and good luck!

  • Thank you!

  • Guys download mynetdiary on your phones. Easy to use. Nonitors your food intake and exercises. Ive just started but a work colleague is on 17lbs down within few months

  • I know just how you feel...I think probably a lot of people on this site have been there. My advice would be to take one day at a time....take a moment when you get up to write down a couple of REALISTIC goals for the day, ie walk an extra few hundred yards more than usual, cook a healthy evening meal today, etc. If it doesn't work out, there is always tomorrow but try not to do that too often!!! Don't set too many goals as you will just be setting yourself up to fail. Good luck.

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