Emotional Roller Coaster

Hello everyone,

I know, I've not been on much at all recently. I have checked in quickly a couple of times but in general I've not really been around. As some of you may know, I was to start a new job; not sure how this is going to happen. To cut a long story short my anxiety was triggered in a big way and that over-flowed into a major panic attack. This has had me feeling really weak for the past few days, as though recovering from the flu. Mentally more than anything. I feel as though I have taken several steps back with regard to my mental health. :'(

It's been very difficult but I have mostly stuck to my healthy eating, I allowed my self some sugar in my porridge and I ate to the top end of my calorie allowance once this week but I felt so weak it was the only thing I could do that would stop me going on a full scale junk-food binge.

Exercise has not been a thing these past two weeks, with everything going on and then my anxiety and panic attack. I shall try to put more emphasis on exercise next week, perhaps that will help me recover mentally.

I'm not feeling myself right now, although I am proud I haven't given in, food-wise, and I haven't completely fallen to pieces like I have done in the past. I'm just in a weird sense of limbo of semi-reality, if that makes sense to anyone?

Hope you're all well,

Sazkia x β™₯

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  • Hi Sazkia

    I will post you later just in the middle of cooking don't want to rush my response.

    Just didn't want you think no one has responded to such a heart felt post.


  • Hi Sazkia, Sorry to hear you have not been feeling good lately and that you had a panic attack. Try not to be too down on yourself because you have done good to stick with the healthy eating when you have been going through a rough time. Give yourself time to get back into the exercise slowly so it is manageable with the way your feeling at the moment. You should be feeling proud of yourself for not giving in to eating just anything, well done you. Look after yourself and hope you have a good day.


  • Thank you. If I didn't give in this week I know I can stick it out, or at least I hope I can. It's been the hardest week I think because of all the change and temptation. I was also with certain people a lot this week, who weren't the best to be round when eating healthy as anything I said was met with defensive comments, even though I was talking about myself, no-one else. It's been very hard going, mentally.

  • You have done really well to stick with it this week. We all get those bad times that knock us sideways, but its how you handle it that counts and you have done good. It is hard when you have people around you who don't either understand or support your healthy eating. I have a sister who continues to buy me chocolates even though she knows I don't want them, I give them to my daughters. Stay strong your doing so good.

  • Hi Sazkia,

    It's good to see you, and you have a lot on your plate at the moment, so do be kind to yourself, and pace yourself. Changing jobs can be really stressful and shouldn't be underestimated, and I hope that you have been able to find some coping strategies to help with your anxiety. Well done for not giving in on the food-side of things, and I hope you have a good afternoon.

    Lowcal :-)

  • Thank you, Lowcal :)

  • Hi Sazkia, I'm really sorry you've had such a horrible time. Anxiety is one of the worst feelings in the world.

    You have done so well being kind to yourself and allowing yourself a bit more leeway, but still not going into a binge. That must have been a challenge when you were feeling so bad emotionally.

    I really hope the fog lifts and get back to yourself as soon as possible. Sounds like you're doing an excellent job managing a very nasty mental illness.

    Gentle hugs and best wishes.


  • Hi albinohedgehog :)

    Thanks for the lovely reply, I felt you kinda get where I am coming from with my anxiety; it's terrible to deal with and sometimes all consuming. A lot of the time I feel people just don't 'get it' but I sorta felt a bit more understood reading your reply, so thank you. :')

    Sazkia x β™₯

  • Hiya, you're very welcome, yes I totally get it. It can be completely debilitating. I've had severe anxiety on and off since I was a child. A few years ago I had to go into hospital with anxiety and depression for quite a while. It was like a really long nightmare. SOOOOO glad I'm recovered now and managing it. It still affects my day to day life, especially socially, and I will often get really worried over things. I find it Helps to talk worries over with someone as sometimes just putting them into words can put them in perspective. But if when you're really ill not even talking helps, your body just takes over and decides there's a massive threat to it I think. Maybe it's like a glitch in the human brain or something!

    πŸ’š xx

  • That was my problem on Thursday (when the panic attack actually happened, although I suppose my anxiety had been steadily increasing all week and on that day it got triggered rapidly and it just became unmanageable) I couldn't tell anyone much of anything, it left me so utterly unable to communicate. It was awful. :( I am on medication, which does help, as I use to be in an almost complete state of anxiety and it was ruining my life. :( In general I am getting there, although I have my set backs and I guess I am probably still quite anxious compared to some people but if you compare my anxiety now to how it was say 6 to 7 years ago the difference is amazing. Well, I think so anyway. :P

    Sazkia x β™₯

  • That's great. 😊 Glad your so much better now. I'm on meds too they are a life saver. Think I'll probably be on them forever but I don't mind as long as I can function as a semi-normal person lol. Xx

  • What a difficult week. I'm really impressed that you kept going through all those challenges! Well done. You're doing brilliantly and you've had to fight to continue being brilliant this week, but you did it! Be super proud of that, and stay strong.

  • Thank you radioactiveblue :)

    Coming on here has made me feel a little better and not misunderstood, which I feel quite a lot. I feel anxiety is still something people have a hard time getting their heads round; it feels like it cripples me sometimes. :(

    Sazkia x β™₯

  • Hi Sazkia, I'm happy to read you are feeling a little better already. Sending positive vibes :)

  • Hi tidirhin2548 :)

    I am lucky, I have you guys to come to when I need some emotional comfort and I live with my best friend who has been nice as well. I know I am luckier than a lot of people. :)

    I did go on the scales just now so no idea why I feel a bit better because I have not lost any weight this week, although I have maintained. :( :) So not sure how to feel, hence the sad and smiley emoticons. I think I have water retention because although I had a day when I ate to the top end of my calorie allowance I think I have been good so not sure why I haven't lost any weight, although I should be thankful I have at least maintained...plus I've done like no exercise at all this week, which has left me feeling really sluggish. I had a duvet and DVD day yesterday, although I didn't go over my allowance but I hardly moved so maybe things just aren't shifting due to that?

  • I am sorry you have had a set-back, but I am amazed and immense impressed that you have managed to stay on the straight and narrow, foodwise!

    You have done so well and you should be very pleased with yourself on that front and I agree, the exercise will help you feel less anxious - it certainly helps me in that regard.

    I hope you feel much better soon!

  • Hi Sazkia, I was wondering where you were, but just thought that you were busy starting a new job and all.

    I am sorry to hear that you have been feeling anxious and that you were not able to start your new job. But I'm glad that you were able to stick with your healthy eating. You should be very proud of yourself. It is good to know that your roommate is a friend who cares for you. Are you getting professional help also?

    I have never experienced anxiety myself but I have people close to me who suffer and I have seen what an anxiety attack does to a person. I hope you will recover soon.

  • Hi IbenCopenhagen

    I take medication for it. When I was at uni I use to get free counseling, which helped for a while. However, getting counseling on the NHS is like getting blood out of a stone. They would much rather give me drugs! :( I guess the medication has helped me live in a day to day fashion but it's not curing me and this is something that's been going on for so long, when I think about it I guess I was always an anxious person, even as a small child. However, it was not really spotted till my first year of uni, in 2009. I've been taking medication on and off ever since. I don't know if I will ever be free of anxiety or depression, it's a constant struggle, even on the positive days it only takes the smallest thing to set me off into over thinking and people just tell me to not over think or just pretend that I am not feeling something or put it to the back of my mind; none of these work for me and I would argue would be very difficult things to do for anyone who suffers anxiety and depression.

    Thank you for your kind words, it does help coming here and getting it off my chest; I just worry it'll dampen someone's day - anxiety can be contagious with some people, they don't like to be around me!

    Sazkia x β™₯

  • :-( not at all happy that you are not receiving the right professional help. Not that there is anything wrong with medication for anxiety, but if it is only treating your symptoms, it makes me mad that you are not being helped properly.

    Don't listen to people who tell you to "just do" anything, they clearly have no idea what you are dealing with.

    Glad you are here and seem to be feeling a bit better. :-)

  • Hi Sazkia, I too have had anxiety attacks in the past, such a heavy breathless ill feeling. I do hope you feel lighter soon - both in your mind and on the scales - to which I'll add πŸ‘ well done πŸ‘ for staying with the healthy eating throughout, huge pat on the back for that which, in itself, is an achievement πŸ˜ƒ We're always here for you.

    Mouse 🐭

  • Thank you Anon-E-Mouse :) I have maintained this week, so not sure how I feel about that yet. I guess things could have been worse!

    Sazkia x β™₯

  • Well done for maintaining Sazkia - a maintain is almost as good as a loss and much better than a gain! πŸ˜ƒ

    You are still in control of your healthy eating, even if other things are out of your control, please be glad about that - it is a victory for you πŸ‘

    Each day is a new opportunity to be positive, so if today doesn't work out, tomorrow might be a really good day 🌞 Hold on to the good, positive things and let go of the negative ones, if you can (easier said than done, I know). πŸ˜€

    Mouse 🐭

  • Welcome back! Really sorry to hear you have had a rough ride. Hope you are feeling a bit more grounded and centred! 🌻🌻🌻

  • Lots of us know how you feel with the anxiety and panic attacks - hang on in there. You're already doing really well just recognising what's going on , dealing with it the best you can and seeing what makes it worse. If you can stay clear of people with their comments that would help you even more. Be kind to yourself. Sending lots of hugs :-) :-)

  • Thank you, I try to stay clear of those kinds of people but it was impossible to do last week as I was stuck in a room with them all week. :( I shall try and work on what i can do to minimize those situations though, from now on. One can only try! :P

  • Absolutely sweetie - take care x

  • Hi Sazkia, I'm sorry to hear it's been a difficult time for you, but what's coming through is you really coped. You managed to stay in a steady middle ground, a few compromises made but you didn't all out give up. Now it's a gentle process of getting yourself back to where you were before, and hopefully addressing the cause of the anxiety? I hope the job may still go ahead for you. If not maybe this is a sign it's not the right thing for you, or not at the moment. Sending you lots of recovery vibes and hope you feel completely back to your usual self asap :)

  • Thanks, Ruth_canal_runner

    Yeah, I'm trying to put a positive spin on it (easier to do on reflection but oh well!) and just think of things I can do that will hopefully help me on the road to recovery. Exercise is one, getting back into the swing of things! I get so swept up easily but I will try to think of ways I can minimize that. Not sure how yet but will give it some though! Thanks again, you guys are wonderful for what you do here. :)

    Sazkia x β™₯

  • You're great too - look how much you were missed! Already a firm member of this community. Let us know if you foresee anything else that might derail you, lots of us are also dealing with anxiety to various extents, we can help each other :)

  • Thank you, I shall try. :) It's nice knowing I'm not alone with this. :) xx

  • Well done on sticking to plan despite all the hurdles 😊 Thinking of you, hoping you soon get back on track emotionally and physically 😊❀️😊

  • Thanks, Anna61 :)

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