Revealing your weight to partners & Week 38

Hi everyone,

Hope you are all having a good week.

I have been pondering on whether to reveal my start weight to my hubby and was wondering how others on this site feel about disclosing their weight to their partners.

I’d like to be honest with him but just not sure I can even say the words out loud – I am pretty ashamed. As many of you know I started out at 24 stone 7lb. I am worried he will think less of me I guess.

I did tell my friend last weekend but only felt able to tell her after she told me she was 22+stone. We have both always known the other was in the 20s. She is the only person (other than you lovely folk) who knows what my weight was and is.

I carry my weight well (not sure that is a good thing) and even she couldn’t believe I was over 24 stone at the start, so I think it will be a massive shock for my hubby.

When I met him I was in the 16s so I’ve never been slim. He knows I’ve lost over 4 stones and he can’t miss the fact that I am still a lard arse. I have asked him in the past why he hasn’t asked me how heavy I am and he just said he assumes I don’t want him to know – and he’s right.

But the thing is that as I get closer to the 19s I want to be able to celebrate my achievement with him (it is a massive achievement let’s face it) but also I don’t want him to think less of me for being over 24 stone in the first place. I know he wouldn’t ridicule me about my weight (I wouldn’t have married him if he had) but I still don’t know what to do.

I did decide I’d tell him when I got back to where I was when I met him but I just don’t know. Also, he may not want to know! I do know how much he weighs though and it is much less than me (embarrassing).

The other issue is that I was probably even heavier when I started out but couldn’t face weighing myself for the first couple of weeks. When I get in the 19s I’m going to contact my doctor to find out what my weight was last September when I was last weighed there.

Another reason I want to tell him is so that he does appreciate how bad I was and hopefully he can help me to not get back to that state again – very very important.

So what do you think – are you open with your partners? If not, why not? And if you are, why are you comfortable revealing your weight?

Weight update – week 38 and I have now lost a total of 60 lb – a loss of 2.5lbs this week :) I am very pleased as I had a 3 course meal (for hubby’s birthday) on Monday. I did however walk 10+km (alone) on Sunday in the hope it would help me for the following day and I think it worked!

Thanks for reading (it was a long one today).

Hope everyone has a lovely Halloween weekend :)

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  • Good morning Sueper 😊

    What an inspirational post, you should be so proud of how far you have come, well done 💃

    I never told my husband to worst weight in numbers, but he knows what I weigh now and how much I lost, and he can add 😁!!!

    I think it your husband sounds supportive and you sound like you want / need his support. ?!?

    The first step on our long journey must be to admit our weight to ourselves - then somewhere along the line we found this forum and "aired" it anonymously here - telling your friend was another needed step - telling the ones closest to us is the hardest part !!!

    You have shown great determination to lose the weight you have lost so far, I don't think anyone close to you would think less of you !!!

    It's were you were - get any support you need now to get where you want to be !!!

    Elissy

  • Thanks Elissy. I think men think differently to women and even though your husband can add (mine can too ;) ) he probably hasn't even thought to do the sums. Maybe mine would be the same.

  • Why don't you tell him that you have lost 60lb rather than your actual weight if you feel awkward. If he then asks how much you weigh -then tell him! Well done on your weight loss , that's a fab achievement :) stay motivated and keep going!

  • Thanks Plantpot8 - he does know roughly what I have lost and is very proud of me.

    I will review the situation when I get into the 19s which should be in the next couple of weeks - I can't wait :)

  • Hi Sueper,

    Fantastic post as always.

    I only shared my weight woes with my husband a few weeks ago, it was after I posted here, and for me it was one more thing of the old me to let go. I always thought that I carried my weight well but when I look back at photos I was kidding myself. In my head I was 5ft 8in and a size 12 but in reality I was 5ft 3 and a 1/2 in and a size 18/20 !!!

    He has never ever made any comment about my weight and has known me for 38 yrs !!! ( eeek that's a bit scary 😱) and always gone with what ever 'diet' or eating plan I was on, when I look back it must have been hard !!

    At the end of the day he loves me and accepts me for who I am not my shape and size as I'm sure your hubby does.

    You might be surprised that he does have a rough idea of where you where but I bet he likes what you are doing to be fitter and healthier😃. It is important for all of us on this journey not to go back to the person we were but I do believe that we will not and for your husband to support you, share it with him, he might have his own thoughts on how to support you more.

    Through out your posts it sounds like you have some really strong relationships and these are so vital to us as we make massive lifestyle changes.😃

    I would say go for it Sueper, open the secret then it's one more negative thing lifted from your life and then go celebrate all you have achieved {{{{hug}}}}

    Huge congrats on the 'Big 60'💋 a good job done, have a lovely weekend and an even better week.

    😇

  • Hi Flossie,

    Thanks for your comments your hubby sounds so supportive too.

    Part of me worries that mine doesn't really want to know. I think when I am ready I'll ask him if he does before the big reveal. I think we've both struggled to accept our weight but his is still much less than mine.

    I think I may wait until I am in the 19s as I those words are easier to say than 24+ stone!

    Hope you have a great weekend :)

  • Good morning sueper and wow well done on your loss of 2.5 lbs this week and a massive super dooper well done on losing 60 lbs overall, that is just brilliant and I am so very pleased for you.

    I revealed my starting weight to my OH in 2014 which was 17 st 2 lbs and when he went on the scale he also weighed exactly the same as me and we couldn't believe I weighed the same as I am much shorter than him. It was embarrassing to say the least, but he accepted it because he loves me. When we first started dating I was only 10 stones so had gained quite a lot over the yrs and it has been 24 years this year since we first met.

    If I were you I would feel perfectly comfortable telling your hubby so you can both celebrate your achievements together. We are both celebrating my achievements and high five each other every Sat and it feels good. He told me that he is here to support me and will tell me if I ever slip up again which is a good thing.

    Your husband loves you so don't be afraid. For better or worse in sickness and in health till death do you part. You both made those vows so don't ever forget them.

    Trafford1 x

  • Thanks Trafford :) He does know roughly what I have lost and he's lost a couple of stone too. Part of me wants to wait until I am lighter than him - if that'll ever happen. But I will do it - eventually :)

  • Do Numbers Matter? Or is it the conversation and the judgement that you are thinking of. What we think of ourselves and the areas we happily judge and condemn ourselves are rarely anywhere else but inside our heads.

    Read your post again.

    Now focus on how much you have changed, learned, taken charge of your life. And notice where your focus was- judgement rather than achievement.

    Listen, read, take note.

    "week 38 and I have now lost a total of 60 lb – a loss of 2.5lbs this week"

    You should be so, so proud of yourself.

    If you are walking 10K a day then you are certainly NOT "still a lard arse"

    60lbs loss is epic.

    Where do you want to get to and what on earth cold ever stop you now - your mind might have a go. Just say thanks but no thanks and put you attention of your victories right here right now.

    Be Proud!

  • Thanks Andrew. You are right about the numbers not really mattering - he isn't blind!

    Even thought I have lost so much I still have about 130lbs to go - so a fair bit of lard left but significantly less :)

  • Hi Sueper,

    Congratulations on your 60 pounds total loss, and to the 2.5 pound loss this week, such fantastic achievements, and really inspirational.

    Your husband sounds like a loving and supportive guy - who clearly loves and supports you - I suspect he will continue to do so whether he learns what your actual weight is or not - so I think whatever you feel comfortable doing would be the right thing to do. Plantpot8's suggestion of telling him how much weight you've lost would be a good opener to a discussion about weight - and maybe ask him if we wants to know how much you weigh now - then he can easily work out your previous weight if he wants to - and really weight is purely a number on the scales. It's so much more important to feel good about yourself and your relationship with a supportive and loving partner.

    My husband knows my weight, and I know his, as we do our own 'weigh-ins' together on Wednesdays! We've done that for the last few years, and we both encourage each other to lose weight - so it feels very supportive. We first met when we were both overweight, so I know he loves me regardless of my weight.

    Whatever you decide to do, I hope you feel ok about your decision, and I hope you continue to receive lots of helpful support, from whatever source. You deserve it! :-) 19's here you come!

    Have a great weekend.

    Lowcal :-)

  • Thanks Lowcal - we are both trying to lose weight so supporting each other which makes a big difference :)

    I think in time I'll hint and my start weight and see where that leads us :) He does know roughly how much I've lost so far.

    Enjoy the rest of your weekend :)

  • ur loss is great!

    I think u should tell him if ur comfortable, I told my hubby my starting weight and he was shocked as he thought I looked much less which is good I guess

    I also told him that I was on a diet when I met him and was 10st 11, then living with him slowly made us both gain weight (tho not as much for him) and he said he honestly hasn't noticed a difference from when we met coz its been gradual. x

  • Thanks hydrogirl - it would have been easier if I'd just told him in the first place but felt I needed to lose some first. He does know I've put on about 8 stone since we've been together - but as you say it is gradual and just not so noticeable. He probably thought it was about 2 stone!

  • I'm single so not able to provide any helpful advice on this, but thought I'd make an observation. My mum and dad lost weight last year and did really well, both losing over two stone. All the way along my dad was very open about his start weight and how much he'd lost. He was really proud of his efforts and fitting into new clothes etc. Whereas mum never mentioned it at all despite looking so much better/happier. It's a gender thing I think. I bet your husband just sees it as a numbers game and is really proud of you. I doubt he will even take much notice of what the start and end numbers are, just the difference between them and how well you've done!

  • Thanks Garfield. I think you are right that men see things differently. My hubby is a bit like your dad and loves sharing his success with everyone :)

  • I haven't told my partner how much I weigh, I want to, I just can't bring myself to do it. We're still a relatively new relationship and obviously he's knows I'm overweight, you can't really miss it, and I know he loves me no matter what and I hope I'll be able to tell him one day. But I think I'm similar to you, I want to tell him only once I've made a significant impact on the problem, so he can help me never go back there. Plus I think mostly, I want him to be proud of me, I want him to know how far I've come once I get there. I'm not sure if this helps you at all but I hope it does a bit.

  • Hi determinedandready, I know exactly what you mean about making a significant impact on the problem but also wanting them to be proud of you. It's a tricky situation. Good luck with your journey :)

  • I couldn't tell my partner how much I weighed at the start but after several comments from him about how much better I seem to be now, as in healthwise, happiness-wise, and in terms of self-confidence, I did mention that I'd lost 2stone. He's surprised I'm still over 10 stone after losing all that weight, but I think without me explicitly telling him he's done the maths, he also understands now that I really did need to take action, as I was in an unhappy place before. I know we're talking about completely different weights here, but my bf has the added complication of having been underweight all his life, he doesn't have any problems as a result, he's just a very very slim build, 8 stone and nearly 6 foot tall. So he's completely boggled by anyone who weighs above 10 stone, I get the impression he's secretly impressed to have such a 'well-built' girlfriend. I think there is such a thing as carrying weight well, as I clearly do, and you clearly do too. But also everyone has their subjective perspectives on weight. There are lots of good comments here. Guys don't attach judgments to weight in the same way that women do, that's definitely true. Also the milestone you're about to reach, going under 20stone is incredible, you definitely need to celebrate it. Also, sounds like you've had an incredible week, 2.5lbs! You're on a roll. If you feel brave, then yes, tell him :)

  • Thanks Ruth. It's strange how people have different perceptions of weight based on their own weight. My hubby seems to think he is heavier than me so I guess that is what also makes me reluctant. The good news is that if I keep losing twice as fast as him I may eventually be lighter than him and then I will definitely tell him :)

  • I think I would just tell him the total lost, celebrate together. It is the place you are now that matters not where you started!. I am sure he loves you whatever , but he will surely appreciate the effort you are putting in to get healthier.

    My hubby has lost weight just because he has adopted some of my changes of diet and lifestyle ! He is getting healthier by association!

    I think that you and he should be proud of your success. If it feels right at any point tell him, if it doesn't feel right then wait a while till and if it does.

    Keep on keeping on. You rock!

  • Thanks 2bFabnfit. It's great that you hubby is getting healthier too :)

    My hubby is proud of me and whenever he gets a compliment on what he has lost he always tells people I've lost even more than him :)

  • Hey, Sueper!

    60lb?! That's amazing!

    I understand your dilemma 100%! All of you guys know my weight (19st7lb at the start!), my g.p knows my weight.... And that's it!

    I was thinking I would tell him once I was lighter than him (he isn't exactly small!).... But I suspect that I will find a reason not to!

    I would probably advise that you follow a previous reply and tell your OH how much you have lost so far...i tell my husband how much I have lost as I lose it and how much in total I have lost, so he can celebrate.... And I'm proud of it so I want to tell him!!

    Plus.... He loved you at your heaviest, he will still love you now!😍

  • Thanks NiCherry. He does know how much I've lost so far and he must be able to guess I was heavier than he thought I was.

    It is definitely easy to reveal the truth here! :)

  • My husband new what size I was but not my actual weight until I felt confident in what I had achieved now I can't stop telling ppl u will find a moment when u will feel same I was 16.9 I'm now 13.2 to me that is achieving a lot so I wanted to share it with him and he was like wow u done so well now he wishes I would shut up telling him each week lmao it's all about the right moment for u and ur other half will understands what u have achieved and won't take into account the numbers so how proud he is of u and how happy you feel for doing it x

  • Thanks Emma. I don't blame you for not shutting up! You've done brilliantly too :)

  • I don't believe he will think worse if you. I hope he is impressed that you have lost loads. Some men don't understand weight. My husband says he can only just tell I have lost weight and I have lost over 2 stone 😔.

  • Thanks Aqua. It is hard to see the difference when you are with people every day. Me and my hubby keep looking back at old photos to see the difference :)

  • Well done for the 2.5 pounds as well 😃😃

  • Hi Sueper

    It is so difficult telling the one closest to us what we weigh but you have to remember that you are doing so,so well and you mustn`t hide any aspects of yourself but really enjoy who you are at every stage. It is really only a number and you are exactly the same person your hubby fell in love with and you are probably feeling so excited and want to share your achievement with him especially as you are doing so incredibly well.

    I think a lot of us hide our weight from other halves I know I do but think mine is because I dont want him to find me unnatractive which I know is daft and dont want him to think I have let myself go which deep down i know he would never think!

    I get the impression you are ready to tell him so you can be open about how well you are doing and share your success.

    I think find the right time for you where you feel happy and confident and not anxious about it.

    Keep in mind your amazing journey so far and that you are so inspiring to the rest of us as 60 pounds is incredible :-)

    It will be so lovely to have someone support you as well!

    x :-) x

  • Thanks Midnight-munchie. I know exactly what you mean about worrying they will find you unattractive just because of a number on the scales - very few men are interested in exactly what we weigh.

    My hubby and I don't really have many heart to hearts, we're hopefully quite open day to day. So I think in a way that makes it harder - do I just blurt it out or sit him down and tell him. I am sure eventually it'll just be said and I can move on :)

  • Hi again Sueper I am a fine one saying to tell your hubby as i for some reason feel i can only tell my hubby my weight when I get in to the 15tone. For some reason I just cant divulge that i am bigger although he can obviously see I am.

    However you have lost 60 1b s so have something fantastic to share with your hubby , you dont have to make it a big thing just drop it gently into conversation maybe when you are both relaxing in the evening and just say that you want to share how well you are doing with him and that you feel really happy you are really working hard on a healthier you. :-)

  • Hi again :) 15 stone is where I'd like to be when I reveal to my hubby too - not sure why. I am sure it will come out eventually. :)

  • I wonder why we feel its ok then hee we will get to 15 and then say 13 will be the best hee hee and eventually we will be at goal and get brave!! :-)

  • My husband won't tell me how much *he* weighs (but he says he knows)

    I only talk in kgs. I'm in my 50s and was taught in the metric system... all the pounds and stones is what comes from celebrity magazines and the diet industry and that kind of unhelpful rubbish and I've never been into any of it but I still have that notion of X stones being 'ugly' Kgs are neutral!

    The numbers are occasionally useful for holding oneself to account eg I knew my weight had crept up but learning I was 90kgs and in the obese category on the BMI graphs, did get me to *do* something about that... and I think I did tell him at that point. I don't say all that much to him about what I actually weigh, largely because it can be a bit dull and weight loss is not something I wish to do as a hobby (Obviously this is a dedicated forum so that's an exception)

    Your husband sounds a good one. I cannot imagine why he would think less of you for once having been so much heavier than you are now! We could really do to get away from all this 'shame' stuff and this nasty self-talk ('lard-arse') It is a *pity* when people are unhealthily heavy and feel miserable in their bodies yet don't feel able to sustain healthy efforts to change things (see my husband) but that's not the same thing as shame.

  • Thanks GoogleMe. It is hard not to be embarrassed about how heavy I got but I know it isn't helpful to dwell on it and the fact I am taking action is the most important thing. :)

  • Hi Sueper,

    Your achievements to date are absolutely phenomenal and I feel your pride. Many, many congratulations :)

    On the subject of informing your husband, I think the longer you leave it, the more difficult it will become, but by the sounds of things, as far as he's concerned, the numbers are neither here, nor there. He feels your pride and is proud of you, for the changes you've made that obviously have made you happier and healthier.

    As for myself, well I'm ashamed to say, my duplicity knows no bounds. Not only have I never divulged my weight to my husband of 38 years, but I halve my losses so that he'll never be able to calculate it either.

    This is sheer stupidity on many levels, because I know that I've projected my own self-image on him (and everyone else, not a member of this forum) and that the reality is that he loves me no matter what my size is. I can also never really share my goals and milestones with him, which is really sad and totally unfair on both of us.

    I hope, for myself and you, that we can stop our negative thoughts about ourselves and trust the people we love not to reject us if we're honest. In other words, we need to love ourselves as much as they love us.

    Wishing you continued success on your journey :)

  • Thanks moreless. I have told him what I have lost but I do play the numbers down with most other people. If I ever reach a healthy weight I'd have to admit to people I have lost over 13 stone - I can't see that happening.

    I was tempted to lessen my losses to my hubby too but I am glad I've told him that bit.

    Do you think you will tell your hubby the truth one day?

    I still think I'd prefer to be about 16 stone before I say anything to mine :)

  • I'd really like to think that I'll be a different person psychologically at some time during this journey and that I will be able to come clean.

    I have changed a lot, thanks to this forum, but I think honesty, in the flesh, will take a bit longer. I've never managed it in the past and I think that's why I became a serial dieter, because I never really appreciated where I was.

    It has to be different this time, because for me, this is for life and I really don't want to take my "secret" to the grave :)

  • I agree with you and it is daft keeping it a secret - easier said than done though.

    I am also with you on the lifestyle change rather than diet - not sure I'll ever got to my target weight but pretty confident I'll never go back :)