Like the majority of people in the 1st world, I need to lose a few pounds. A few years ago I was single, and losing weight was a breeze. I dropped around 3 stone in 6 months and I felt happier and healthier than I had done in years.
Now I am once again in a long term, steady relationship with a man who believes that a meal needs to be overflowing the plate (as they all do) and I have put on 2 of those dropped stone.
So around November/December I started doing everything I had been doing that caused the weight loss last time – more exercise, less calories – putting it simply. I joined a gym, reduced my calorie intake, bought an exercise bike and a vibration plate. Nothing happened. So I stopped going to the gym – it was starting to get silly spending all my time in the gym and none of it at home and then spending all my time at home on the exercise bike. I still use the exercise bike and the vibration plate and my calorie intake is still only 1200 a day (except on special occasions, when I’ll stretch to 1400!) and I have lost a grand total of.....
So technically, I’ve put ON a pound.
I do not understand why. I no longer eat ANY fast food. I put NO butter on my potatoes. On Friday I went to the cinema and I had a fresh fruit salad instead of popcorn and chocolate. I drink only sugar free squash and have Weetabix for both breakfast AND lunch at work. I have no snacks. I haven’t had chocolate in WEEKS and when everyone at work does a tuck shop run, I’ll get a can of Pepsi Max so I feel like I’m still included but there are no calories or sugar.
Yesterday I even did a pregnancy test to see if THAT was why I can’t lose any weight. Turns out that’s not why.
I am SO sick and tired of being fat and frumpy, and feeling like there is nothing I can do about it and that no one will help me. I’ve been to my GP surgery about it, and I was told to keep a food diary (I already do) and told to come back in a month’s time to get weighed again, as if I haven’t been doing that nearly every day in the vague hopes that somehow, something I have done has caused some weight loss.
I would even understand if I had dropped a dress size or something, as they say muscle weighs more than fat – that way I’d know that I am losing fat but gaining muscle. I’m not. I’m still a size 18. Sometimes – if I’m VERY lucky – I can squeeze my giant arse into a size 16. However, I cannot go out in public in a size 16. I would give small children nightmares.
There has been one small period of weight loss, and that was a while ago when I had my tonsils out. I was unable to eat a single thing for 2 weeks, and I lost 7lbs. However, I don’t think starving myself is really the healthy way forward.
My thyroid has been checked and it’s fine. So I know THAT’S not the reason. I honestly have no ideas left. It’s like I am destined to be a fat person for the rest of my life and I’m so sick of looking at my reflection and hating what I see and feeling so powerless about it, and I’m sick of feeling like I’m starving every day and gaining nothing for it.
If I cheated or didn't exercise or ate more calories I'd get it, but I don't. I stick to my calories and I get as much exercise as can be expected from a full time office worker who has a life outside the gym and also a terrible sense of balance (LOL).
Anyway, that's my rant over. I usually feel better after a rant but right now I'm so down about this that even ranting has achieved nothing. Maybe I'll go swimming.