Along with the greater majority of the world's population, I started a new diet today. It seems to me that nowadays most people are on a diet, or are trying to shed a few pounds. One of my employees (love saying that as I'm only 22!) has just joined with Slimming World, and I look at her and think, why? I would kill to have your body! But the sad fact of life is that people are very rarely happy with what they've got.
So, yet again, I'm on a new diet. Can't really call it new though, as I've been on a diet since I was young. My sadnotsosad story is that when I was young (6/7), I was a little chubby. But unfortunately, those closest to me tackled this 'problem' in entirely the wrong way. By age 10, I viewed myself as obese, when in fact, I was still just a little on the heavy side. It was at about this age that the comfort eating started, and then the vicious circle began. Growing up I had the severe negative mentality that my body was disgusting and hideous, and I despised my own reflection. It wasn't until a few years ago that I realised that actually, I wasn't that overweight, and all things considered, I'm not doing too bad.
But your own thoughts are much harder to ignore than other people's, and when you have grown up with this constant idea ingrained into you, it's quite hard to get rid of it. I honestly still spend a good deal of every day thinking about how fat I am, and despising myself. Sad isn't it?
Recently though, I opened up. For the first time in my life, I told a friend how truly miserable I was, how I hated a part of myself, and how I have the complete inability to trust anyone, through the belief of, 'why would they love someone like me?' And she told me, quite simply, to get over it.
She was so blunt, it was like being slapped; it was such a shock to my system. Hadn't she understood what I'd said? Didn't she care? But she was absolutely right. She told me, that no one cares. People are too busy with their own lives to have time to degrade another person on the off-hand. She said that no-one cares what you look like, unless you want them to. Her greatest advice to me, was having the will to change your life is simply a matter of self resolve. Stop caring about what other people think, and start caring about what you think. You want to change your life, then stop whining and change it.
So here I am. Still trying to achieve my goal, and albeit slowly but surely, at least I am heading in the right direction.
Today was Day one of the 12-week plan by NHS. I ate the right things and none of the wrong things. It's only day one, I know, but what is that saying about every journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step?
I attend a 45 minute bootcamp 5 times a week, with a 45 minute spin class three times a week.
I'm sure you get points for trying...?