So I’ve been struggling for awhile now and I just feel like I’m going crazy! My little boy is healthy and happy and almost 3 months old but I had such a traumatic birth with him and I think about it everyday. I had a thought pregnancy with him and after trying for 3 years and finally getting pregnant on clomid I just expected to be looked after a little more but I feel totally let down. I was told he was going to be a big baby at 28 weeks and continued to have many growth scans and tests to confirm this, I didn’t have gestational diabetes or anything so it was a bit random to find out he was so big when larger babies don’t run in the family or anything. I asked constantly about the risks of a larger baby in labour etc and nobody supported me through it, I have bad anxiety and obviously my baby boy was so precious after struggling to conceive him. My 38 week app came and I told my consultant my worries, she then said she’d induce me a week earlier and got me booked in. The time came and the induction was long, I wasn’t progressing and was in agony, they only allowed me to have codeine, even after they broke my waters on day 3 of labour they took the gas and air off of me until I ‘needed’ it even tho my little boys head was digging into my back. That day during labour as I was stood with my drip up the consultant on call came around and said really I should have been having a c section, they know they can get the weights wrong but with my history she said I should have been booked in all along for one but it was totally my choice. This angered me so much because why was I being told this after 3 painful days. I agreed to the section but they had an emergency which can’t be helped but I had to stay in labour until 10pm at night, I hadn’t progressed to even 5cm! They finally gave me pethidine about 7pm however this caused my baby boy to need resuscitating when he was born as he wasn’t breathing and I didn’t get to see him for almost 2 hours, not even a glimpse. I’m so happy they did everything for him they worked so quick to pull him round and I’m so thankful but I just feel totally let down. The day after the section it ended up being my consultant on call and she kind of had a go at me when I voiced how I felt saying I wanted a vaginal delivery and ANYONE can ask for a c section these days... how was i to know?!
So here I am 3 months postpartum and still thinking of it every day! I’m sorry this is so long I just want someone to tell me I’m not crazy! My family keep saying just be thankful he’s here that’s all you have to think of, and they are so right! I thank my lucky stars everyday for him but I still can’t stop thinking about the trauma I went through 😞.