Health visitor makes me feel horrible

I have two little boys one is 3 and the other 2 , I am 20 year old and have just recently seen my midwife about my 3 year olds night terrors.

My partner wasn't in so I had them both by myself when she arrived , they were both really hyper and interrupting us speaking , which I didn't mind as it's what I'm used to. My littlest was on the couch and he stood up and she told me to move him incase he fell even though I had hold of him.

She then went on to ask if I needed help and if I was coping, I felt really offended by this , and now I'm scared she will take them away .

I know how naive I sound but no one has ever questioned my parenting before and now I feel completely crap and am terrified she thinks I can't cope!

My house is far from perfect but it's nicely decorated and clean , though on that morning when she unexpectedly arrived there was a few colouring in sheets on the floor and a cup on the mantle piece which I forgot to move , and I noticed she kept looking around at my things which also seemed strange, she can't take my children away for nothing can she?

Forgot to mention I'm not involved with social services whatsoever it was merely a check fro my midwife to see if my son was recovering from his night terrors , any advice would be appreciated , thanks

9 Replies

  • I know what you mean - health visitors can be so intrusive and I found my old one would look at me intently taking in how I reacted to everything and she gave me the kind of advice any well read mother would know - it was quite annoying! Please don't take any notice of how she came across, I think some health visitors are just overly cautious and to be honest patronising. Luckily I've moved GP and my new health visitor is super chilled and friendly. I know it's hard not to but try not to worry :)

  • Thankyou , I think it is because I'm young too , I worry about everything it's hard not to , thankyou for your reply :)

  • My HV was pants and used to talk to me as if I was about 12 - very patronising as Lovestar said. Please don't worry, sounds as if you're doing fine and no, they can't take them away for no good reason x

  • Easy 4 me 2 say but try not 2 worry, I have a 11 week old and some days it looks like I've been burgled the house is such a tip, my 9 yr old still thinks its ok 2 bounce round furniture n get my attention when I'm trying to have a conversation with some1... Think there would b more of a concern if yr little ones were sitting filthy frightened to move or speak Hun x

  • Don't know why the health visitor bothers coming around as she has been of no assistance at all. I have a prem baby and she comes around every two weeks. When I met her she said she is there to offer support and advice and to call anytime. She said it's fine for baby not to poo for a week and only to be concerned after 3 weeks - took baby to dr who said baby shouldn't go more than 3 days! I kept giving my baby's symptoms and she said it's normal for baby to scream with every feed, vomit everything up and have bad tummy cramps. It's just colic - baby actually has a milk allergy! Ended up taking baby to pau as I couldn't stand him suffering anymore. And that's just a few things. I would really not be concerned with the hv's opinion....

    Sorry for the rant, guess I'm still upset by it lol.

  • Thanks everyone , I'm currently trying to get myself a new health visitor as I'm still very upset bout it all, I completely agree I don't understand why they bother coming there no use at all , faelonsa I hope your baby is okay , sounds like you have been through a lot , mothers always know best ! Xxx

  • He's great thanks:) one plus of him being prem is that I have the paediatrician and dietician available by phone all the time. I just give the hv a miss now. Good luck with the new hv!

  • Eugh health visitors! Ive only met mine once so far. Unfortunately I made the mistake of telling her I'd been depressed in the past but am feeling fine atm. Its like I'd said a magic word, she started going on and on about symptoms of depression like I dont know what they r! Then she started to ask about contraception but in the next breath said if baby won't settle at night to send hubby to a different bed or the sofa, no need for the contraception then but perhaps for a divorce lawyer! She was with me for an hour and three quarters and all her information was completely useless. Smile and nod along hun then disregard everything they say as well as their judgemental air. I'm sure your doing brilliantly x

  • That's exactly what mine was like , I mentioned my depression and that was it she was asking me all sorts , there completely useless in my eyes and thankyou xx

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