Feeling like a failure

[Seabird55]

My baby is almost five months old. He is growing well, seems happy and contended most of the time and breastfeeding going well. But recently I've just felt like a complete failure. I find it really hard not to compare myself with other Mums and find myself lacking. I'm just feeling so useless and like what I do is just not good enough. I have been trying to get things second hand on Vinted or Facebook marketplace to save money and landfill but today one of the purchases fell through and it suddenly feels like the end of the world. I can't stop feeling so guilty I'm not doing enough. I try and do a different group everyday and do lots of playtime and reading and trying to establish a routine and good bedtime. But still end up feeling like a failure. Not sure what I'm asking or why I'm posting just hoping this will pass.

[Sw1234]

Please don't put so much pressure on yourself. I'm sure you're doing a brilliant job. It's such a special time, you'll want to look back on it with fond memories.

[Boo718]

aww please don’t feel like this. My daughter is 4 months and I take her to no groups. We walk every day and read books I chat to her and she loves to nosey out the window and watch the world go by. There wasn’t all this extra stuff when we were kids they honestly don’t need it. Xxx

[Seb9]

Please reach out to your GP or health visitor and get checked for post natal depression. It's a very sneaky thing and can creep up on you. Even if it's not depression they can offer you support or advice. After my second I did not feel myself at all and I did a finding myself course through the mental health providers in my local area and it really helped me to make sure I was making time for myself and to see that I was not alone in feeling a failure too.For reassurance, we all feel like failures. I don't think you'll find a single mother who feels like they've never failed in parenting. Be it breastfeeding, potty training, weaning, bed times ..... the list is endless!!

I often feel like I'm not enjoying my children enough, and feel guilty for enjoying time away from them. I'm not doing enough reading with my primary school child, I'm not doing enough activities with my toddler. I'm not contributing enough to the house as I'm not working full time. The mental load of motherhood is a lot.

It sounds like you're doing great, especially if you're trying to save money and landfill etc, but for anything that doesn't work out, you may have 99% of others things work out. You don't have to be perfect all the time or always get it right to be the mum your baby loves and adores xxxx

[GraceFace]

I’ve been there. It’s hard. Try not to be too hard on yourself though, especially if you’re a new mum. It’s one heck of a transition you’re going through - one of the biggest a person can go through.

If you feel really down most of the time, or all of the time, please do talk to your GP though. ‘Pandas’ charity is great too, you can find them on social media.

Hang in there. It gets better, I promise x x

[Millbanks]

Oh love, you’re likely feeling the hormone dip still. It’s so normal to feel like this btw.

It’s almost impossible not to compare yourself to others but I promise you that those people you think are bossing it are struggling too. You just don’t see it.

Having a kid is hard, especially the first year and we put untold pressure on ourselves to do everything perfectly…. But nothing is perfect. Your kid will bump itself, you will forget appointments, you will stress about sleep and feeding and development and screen time. This stress just means that you care so passionately.

Try not to give yourself such a hard time. Your bubba loves you and wants to spend time with you. Yes classes are great but if you sat in the house all day with them they’d still be the happiest because they are with you. That’s all they need right now ♥️♥️♥️

[Jogsandwalks]

You may have postnatal depression. Your hormones are playing up making things seem worse than they are and putting too much pressure on you. Just enjoy your time with your baby and don't try to keep up with anyone. Your baby won't remember it anyway

[flamingopher]

Sweetheart you sound exhausted. Please make an appointment ASAP to see your GP because it sounds like you’re slipping into postnatal depression - I’ve been there, it does get better but you need support.

It’s so hard not to compare yourself to other mums, but from what you’ve said you’re absolutely killing it! Healthy, growing well and successfully breastfeeding? You are seriously winning at life! If anything you’re probably doing a little too much, you don’t need to go to classes every day. Getting second hand stuff is great, and yes lots of people on marketplace are useless wastes of space. But you can find some great stuff too.

There are some really great instagram accounts by some very realistic mums, bigtimeadulting, mykindamum and shawnathemom have all helped me a lot, especially in seeing that things I’m thinking and feeling are totally normal and common to new mums.

You’re doing great, be kind to yourself. Now go eat some chocolate xx

[Twiglet2]

wow a different group every day? Baby happy and you’ve mastered breast feeding? Lady you are my hero!!!! You are doing soo well I was proud if I made it out once a week and we moved to formula has breastfeeding just didn’t work out but I was still a great mum when I look back now 🤗

Remember you are judging yourself by other ‘outsides’ what you see from them and their social media posts etc and comparing them to your ‘insides’ what you feel, worry, all your behind the scene wobbles. It’s not a fair comparison and you’ve no idea how the ‘other mums’ are feeling or when their last mental breakdown was about something like a purchase not going through you only see their persona to the outside world. Always remember that when you start to feel yourself comparing 🤗 you are doing amazing 🫶🏻💪🏼👏🏻 xx

[Seabird55]

Just wanted to say thank you for all these lovely replies. I feel touched by your kindness. I've booked an appointment with my GP.

[Sherbetstraw]

That age is difficult. It’s easy to feel like your child needs loads entertainment and stimulation and that you can never do enough. Soon your wee one will develop much more of a personality and it will be easier and easier to interact with them. I PROMISE you are doing enough. You are clearly trying your very best. You have strengths and qualities in you that are completely unique to you and you don’t have to be like anyone else. Every mum is different and unique. You are AMAZING and you’ve got this! Xxxxx huge hugs from a mum of an 8 month old