i am venting here because i dont want to fight with his dumb ass. I love him very much but he’s being an idiot right now.
yesterday we had a wonderful day in Palm Springs where i was able to do a lot-maybe too much. his response is to push more even though i said we are approaching the point where i lose it all. he thinks that is the solution-push harder. our friends saw what was going on and stopped anymore activity.
it was wicked hot which caused an accident that i was prepared for. nothing got ruined however he got all sad and pissy. I’m taking the win. when i’m very fatigued this can happen….he thinks it’s always and does not understand that I got more tired then and was push further than I should have been pushed. i’m angry that he’s tryna spoil it?and i won’t have it…..
thank you for the vent. LoveYouGuys
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HouseElfWon
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HouseElfWon, I'm so sorry your husband pushed you too hard and it caused an accident. It's mean, but I sometimes wish other people could feel what we feel, physically and emotionally, just for a day or two. Perhaps then they would get it. It's so hard to get out of the house with fatigue, pain, and lack of temperature control. Then he makes it about him? Honestly, I would be so angry. Probably not the most helpful response, but I really would. He needs to grow up if he wants you to go anywhere with him again! Even just the heat sounds bad. Sigh.
thank you so much. i just wish he would stop thinking he knows what’s best. had he not pushed that last little bit the whole thing could have been avoided.
I think that he probably knew that he pushed too hard, HouseElfWon . I am happy that your friends realized what was going on. You are your best advocate and hopefully he sees that pushing you was not the best approach. Keep Smiling
when i told him i was at the end of what i could do he was like let’s just check out a shop or 2 and then we’ll see……we’ll meaning perhaps but completely stupid. 😱
I wonder if the next time an outing is suggested, you could make participating conditional. My husband is very solicitous when we go places, but here's what I say. When I'm not sure if I am up to doing a particular thing I would like to do, I say "If I'm miserable, we can go home, right?" and he agrees. Mostly it works out fine and we don't have to leave, but knowing I have that option is sometimes the only thing that gets me out of the house. I have had some amazing experiences when I almost stayed home. 😊
You could agree to go to Palm Springs with the condition that when you need to stop and go to the hotel, you do it right then. He can look at a few more shops, but have one of your friends take you back to your hotel, or get out your phone and call an Uber. Then it's not up to him.
Good luck. It can be hard to be assertive. My friend and I were talking about it recently, and we decided someone should invent an assertiveness pill. 😅
Unfortunately, I find most folks just don't get it! Invisible disabilities such as MS make it difficult for many folks to get it, even if you use a cane or a scooter at times.
Because I "look so good" or "mostly the same" my brother is a huge idiot too. It's been more than thirty years since I was dx with MS but he just doesn't get it either.
Greetings HouseElfWon. Unfortunately this is one of the obstacles that's presented regularly. Most people think we're faking or nothing is wrong. They can't understand that when you push hard there's a price-MS fatigue. The downtime varies but result is the same. It sucks. Til the next post
Yes. HouseELFWon MS fatigue is real . The cash out puts you down. Try a little activity at a time. Some Physical therapy may be needed. Pay attention to how you feel. Fatigue for us doesn't mean we have to do much. We're tired sometimes without moving. Move what you can always. Slow motion beats no motion.
HouseElfWon I hope that you have a better day today. Sorry that yesterday wasn't so good with your husband being so pushy. Wish there was a way to show people how we feel so they would understand better. Virutal hugs your way.
What I hope is that next time you tell your husband that you have reached the point where you must stop he listens to you. And I really hope it is because he trusts that you know best. It is hard for others to get.
Oh my word !!! I'm married to the same man. Just the same model different year. After 45 yrs. I still don't have mind broke to lead. I'm so sorry you went though it.
I'm so sorry, HouseElfWon. It can feel lonely and frustrating when those around us don't understand heat-related MS fatigue, I know...and I heard it was way up in the nineties out that way. Wishing you cooler, more comfortable days...
I totally get it!! my husband and I have been together over 33 years and I have probably had MS the entire time but didn’t know it until we were about seven years into the marriage. in the early days, I would keep trying to push on, but my wonderful friend and neurologist told me in the early days to listen to my body. If you just listen to your body, it will tell you how far you can push. Luckily, my hubby really listens to what I’m saying if I said I’ve had enough then we either sit and rest a little bit and cool off or I tell them I am staying right here and just pick me up after you guys go to a few more shops or whatever we’re doing. The heat is definitely not my friend and he totally gets that, luckily.. this is the perfect place to vent but maybe he needs to go with you to an appointment so the doctor can tell him that pushing you further is really not the answer. I had a friend once explained to me about the “spoons in a drawer” like for everything that you do, you take a spoon out of the drawer and once they’re all gone… There’s nothing else that you can do. Maybe if wherever you’re staying has a lovely pool… You could spend some time in the cool water… It has an amazing way to reset my body… Like it cools it from the inside out. You are Fortunate that you were able to recuperate by the next day. Sending you big hugs. Hang in there and listen to your body whenever you can!
I am so sorry for what you have to deal with when dealing your husband. Hoping and claiming that others will listen to and understand our explanations, cries, etc.
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