I took the diagnosis extremely bad. My first flare left me in the hospital where drs and nurses came and left and priests came to pray over me and my name was bed 252.
The neurologist who finally came said if I didn’t come in I would have been paralyzed from the neck down.
I was one month away from graduating with my MA in Cello Performance and I couldn’t believe what he was saying to me. Like I knew something was off in my body but to say something so matter of factly after JUST being officially diagnosed?! I didn’t even have time to google what MS meant!
I’ve been a cellist since I was 7 years old. Nothing makes my soul shine brighter than putting my fingers down on strings and making magic happen. I had come so far in my studies and was preparing for the final moment when all of my hard work would come together in my final recital. It was going to be glorious. My dress was going to be floor length, bright red. My hair was going to be worn natural and free. I was going to have my entire family come to see me. I hadn’t seen them since before Covid. I’d just bought new strings, new rosin and was going to get my bow rehaired the day that my body started shaking and my vision went blurry and all of a sudden I couldn’t walk anymore.
Fast forward to I was so unbelievably ashamed of myself. I didn’t blame God, I blamed me. It was something I did to myself! I ruined my recital! (I don’t feel that way now but this is all just a rant/recap)
I played a new piece that I wasn’t interested in in the slightest. It was “easier”. I played with a new accompanist who deliberately played it slower on purpose because he felt I couldn’t handle it faster. There were two people at my recital as opposed to the full house that I dreamed of. My professors passed me knowing my condition was the reason but I felt the disinterest in the music, the performance and the space. It was 15 minutes of agony. I felt so ashamed that I couldn’t play after that. I refused to relearn how to play an instrument that I toured the world on. I refused to relearn how to play 8th note passages or something as mundane as basso continuo lines from a Mozart string quartet! I was set to play Kabalevsky and Chopin! I was going to own it after studying it for the past two years!
And just like that, in 5 days that whole dream was wiped out. Recovery took over a year. I look back at that time and it was dark. Really dark. I hate to say it but going through it made me realize how much I love music, not just as a musician (touring, concerts and recording studios) but as a person. Cello speaks to me or rather I speak through my cello. I always said I never wanted to be the person who gave up music because it was too hard and felt like music was stolen from me with my diagnosis.
I hadn’t actually sat down to play, like really invest time in my instrument in a year. I recently started playing again. And my hands are strong and they remember where to go. I’m so overwhelmed with joy anytime I look at my instrument! I LOVE my craft! God had His hand in my life then and now. I pray everyday for the strength to keep playing and to never take it for granted ever again. 🙏🏾
Phillipeans 4:13
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SuperMom1921s
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Artwork for me is what I've taken for granted until MS and Dupuytren's Contracture started messing with my hands, mainly my right (dominant) hand. Yay.
I have since started using my left hand to do paintings and detail on pottery. It's challenging and ....challenging. Yeah, that's it.
Meanwhile, I fell and hurt my hip while pulling my pants up😅 and haven't been able to stand or walk for the last 9 weeks.
Thank God for my hub as he's brought up clay slabs and tools from my studio so I can keep working as I am on a deadline for a few projects.
MS for me is a series of adjustments, colossal meltdowns😂 and working through fears.
He carries me to the shower and bathroom and for the stairs he bought a Vevor stair-climber chair thingy with tank treads. It's ridiculous but effective.😆
I hope you get better one of these days, falalalala. I have to look up the stairs climber thingy! I love how you take things in stride and keep going. And never lose your sense of humor! 😁
Wow! Your story is so inspiring, I am really very happy to read that you are playing again. Life with Ms really has a way to throw us a curveball and also fastballs going 100 mph! I had a very dear friend who played the Bass professionally for many years ( he truly had a barrage of medical issues during his life ) and I have some of his recordings from his later years when he was doing a lot of the composing of his orchestras. He and a number of the family members have music in their heart and soul. He was always very surprised that no one in my family could play a musical instrument or sing in key.. but we certainly made a joyful noise under the Lord! Keep moving forward and sometimes I think that’s why things in life happen… Just to make you appreciate them more when you get them back. (it’s kinda like when you lose your power during a hurricane and you don’t have running water or electric for two weeks in the middle of July… You appreciate the AC so much more when it comes back on!! The simple act of just flushing the toilet)
My limbs felt like jello. My vision blurred, black spots everywhere. My arms and legs tingled relentlessly and finally went numb. Sending prayers to you. 🙏🏾✝️
Thank you for sharing such an incredible story. You have been on a long, sometimes agonizing, very frustrating and scary journey. And here you are now, finding joy again in your life. You are an inspiration. Keep playing your beloved cello! So happy you rediscovered it. I understand the ability of music to heal the soul. I do not play, but have loved classical music my whole life. Strings have always been my favorite to listen to. Grew up on Bach, Vivaldi, Mozart, and Beethoven. Play on, SuperMom1921s! 🤗
Your post is one of the most inspiring ones I have ever read here. Thank you for sharing it. I am sending you many positive thoughts across the miles and hoping that you continue to play music for many years!
Another British cellist was once diagnosed with MS. As her name, Jacqueline du Pre, is surely familiar to you, perhaps you can channel her spirit and play in her memory. Share the love and joy of music with the world.
Thank you for sharing your story. May the Lord give you strength to play for His glory in your life. May the cello and music not become idols but mere tools to praise him. ❤️🙏🏼
My dear Sister-Super and wonderfully made in His image. To God be the Glory, my friend the enemy will try “us” we the warriors of MS! Your beautiful Godly great is testimony of the goodness of God! I too loved music; sang on the choir for years and my church is blessed with some of the most gifted anointed voices anyone has ever heard! I can’t sing with a choir because I suffer with severe migraines, that feel like your head is about to explode! Maybe one day I can go back or I accept what God allows and be grateful! Your post touched my heart and soul, He is a keeper Isiah 53:5 Blessings NeeC🌹❤️
Hey super Mom I like your story I was very into music myself The singing end. I'm 53, never married no kids I was a special ed teacher and a speech therapist a couple years. Now I'm retired and on disability. I had just finished getting my bachelor's degree, had started working in schools and was officially what I thought on my way. After my second year of working as a speech therapist I got the first diagnosis was devastated my pastor sent me back to a saved neurologist and with tears I got started doing shots. I now realize God's been with me the whole way Blessing me even through my mistakes and stubbornness He is awesome! I'm in a wheelchair and and blessed with so many amenities and people that God has sent my way! I believe God's got us here to encourage bless motivate and help as many people as we can get to heaven! I'll add you to my prayer list Be blessed Sister in the Lord! 💕
I would have some words with that neuro! Sure sounds like a glass half empty kind of person. And a priest praying over you?? That would have sure freaked me out!
And you're playing your cello again! Lovely! I have always been in awe of people who are good musicians. So, I am in awe of you! I'm so glad you got your voice back!
When I was diagnosed, I thought the doctor said I have a mass. I freaked out. Turns out, my doctor had a very thick Indian accent. What he said was MS, not a mass. I was thanking God it wasn't cancer. I never heard another word he said after MS.
You've story is inspiring. In so glad you posted it as it will help a lot of people that are afraid when they are newly diagnosed. Music hard been in my blood since I was in the 3rd grade. I wanted to play the violin but my parents wouldn't let me. My mother had an appreciation for music as long ad it came from a keyboard, strings not so much. So I learned to play the accordion. It wasn't my choice of instrument but the salesman told my mom that if you learn the accordion you can also play the organ which should loved. I still have a hard time with chords but I can get thru a song. I also sang in the choir from grade school through high school then in church. Music soothes the soul, I'm so glad you have been able to pick up your cello. It & God will get you through. I was diagnosed 19 years ago & for the past 2 years MS has been in remission. Glad you found this website. Its a great place to learn, laugh & vent if needed. Prayers for you!
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Double Whammy, trigeminal neuralgia and rrms
GOD IS GOOD
Recently Diagnosed with RRMS
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