Electronic Monitoring

[TonyiaR7]

Recently, my husband had bought little cameras to monitor the cleaning people when we are not home or we were having person doing renovations in our house .... He’s always trying some type of gadget. And he is big on security but too cheap to invest in a full solution. (I couldn’t believe I fell in love with a nerd, considering we worked and met at Bell Laboratories).

One day, I realized that he was monitoring me and I told him I didn’t like it; I want to have a place of sanctuary. My goodness, I couldn’t get dressed in private. Well tonight, I saw one of those little monitors in our room again and became upset. And told him I didn’t wanted to be monitored.

He claims, he decided to monitor me because of concerns or fears I had expressed; he was trying to fix some. But we didn’t agree on that my concerns needed further investigation. And if warranted, we should have come up with an agreeable plan together. I did learn that he had concerns about how I was coping to al the changes in my life and our household.

Should a spouse monitor an ill spouse via cameras placed through out the house, just in case something may have happen? I told him to call me or send an email. I call him when I don’t feel good or having a bad day.

[rjoneslaw]

I think his intentions were good but the way he went about it wasn’t. He should’ve sat you down and talked about his concerns.

[ssdw1958]

I would understand if you couldn't communicat with him.but since you can and especially when you already told HIM NO he needs to STOP that just tell him your going to step on those things if you find them.

[Jesmcd2 CommunityAmbassador]

I'm thinking you don't want me to answer this question!

Because I would have a full out fit! If he did that behind my back? And in the bedroom? Is he outta his dam mind? No no no!

I could go on. But I think you get it. 😊

J🌠

[TonyiaR7]

Well, he thought I knew. Yes he did not like my response. Yes, the bedroom really made me upset. When he had end stage kidney failure, I respected his privacy. Everybody needs a place or hole where they can go to when things are really bad.

[TonyiaR7 in reply to TonyiaR7]

Well. My husband apologized. He had to admit that he was acting on his concerns. We agreed to discuss further and work out a mutual solution.

But it does sound like a creepish thing to monitor a person unless they are very disabled. I guess I will to update living will. And I think if a couple agrees to monitor it should be more professional setup than little cameras from Amazon.

[ssdw1958]

I guess if you know about it would be ok, but for me I would still be unsure.

[TonyiaR7 in reply to ssdw1958]

No I do not want cameras or being watched like this, no matter his intentions. I talked to GP today and she suggested I talk to the a service called the Visiting Angels who can help me, take me to a far dr appointment or help with errands or chores. I find this solution acceptable and relieves the stress of his concerns. However they are not cheap but I just use them when I need them.

[Kenu]

I would not like being watched in my own house 🤬 I can see watching out for things, but not you 🤷🏼‍♂️. Maybe it’s alright if you have the controls and he agrees, but I bet he does not want you to watch him 🤷🏼‍♂️. This is to much for me. 🙏🐾😉 Ken

[ssdw1958 in reply to Kenu]

I agree with you totally.

[TonyiaR7 in reply to ssdw1958]

Well he tends to try fixing things without consulting me. Which is annoying sometimes because if I am not grateful then he gets all bent out of shape. Like I offend him for not accepting help. Sometimes I left on my own if I don’t accept his help, and it has to be his way if I ask. This is very hurtful. I feel so helpless and vulnerable at the moment but upset and determined enough to find my own solution even at his expense. So that is why GP (PCP) sent me to Visiting Angels. She says I am losing my hair from stress. Upset.

[TonyiaR7]

I think having Visiting Angels to come by 2-3 times a week. They would help me to keep in a routine, drive me to PT, go for a walk, maybe help prepare some meals. Then he may feel better and I won’t feel overwhelmed alone in our house.

[Jesmcd2 CommunityAmbassador in reply to TonyiaR7]

The one thing I have learned about my guy is , I don't tell him anything, unless he can fix it.😞 Cause he is a 'fixer' he doesn't know any other way.

He's old fashioned. So I can kind of understand where your hubby was coming from.

But holy h*'ll. He needs to understand that, you understand his fears, but dude you are WAY crossing the line.

Try the 'I've fallen and can't get up button?'

TonyiaR7 much love and good luck🤗💕

J🌠

[kdali]

This makes my skin crawl. No!

[Doubled51]

TonyiaR7 . Wow. I worked for Bell Laboratories in Norcross Ga. your right there are some nerds working for the Laboratory’s. But some of the awesome discoveries to come up with takes some brilliant people. I worked for them in the 80s when we were developing fiber optic cable.

And for your question nobody should be invading your privacy. If they were concerned for your safety they would have asked for permission before installing. Nerd or no nerd he should ask.

Donnie

[TonyiaR7 in reply to Doubled51]

He apologized. I worked at Bell Laboratories in Naperville IL in 1982-1987 4ESS, Liberty Corner, NJ ... Murray Hill then last place was Lucent Video.

[Doubled51 in reply to TonyiaR7]

I worked in BellLabs 82 thru 89 then Lucent Technologies where I retired from on November 1 st 2001 when I got my 30 years in. Glad he apologized just make sure he was serious because like you mentioned those Bell lab geeks are smart guys.😂😂😂

Donnie

[MsGelfling1]

No. That seems like a control issue to me.

[TonyiaR7 in reply to MsGelfling1]

I hope I didn’t portray my husband not as a loving, caring, supportive spouse (person). He loves me dearly and is appreciative about anything I can do. He is concerned about my safety, quality of life and my needs. We could communicate and resolve problems better. He is stressed too.

[ssdw1958 in reply to TonyiaR7]

I have to agree with MsGelfing1 but he really needs to realize that going into your personal space is not the right thing to be doing.

[TonyiaR7 in reply to ssdw1958]

Both you and MsGelfing1’s intuition is correct. I do have to be very careful. After reflecting on the responses, I feel it was a violation into my personal space, no matter the reason. I thank you and others for foresight or discernment. I believe this is issue applies to other aspects in my our relationship and my life. I will have to discuss this further with my therapist (psychologist).

[ssdw1958]

It sounds like you knew what to do be safe and have a good weekend