do people really leave because you’re sick?

[HouseElfWon]

first i will say that i am grateful to be able to come here and vent❤️. i am lucky because i know it didn’t have to be as good as it is. i’m a little sad today because it is the birthday of a friend i no longer talk to. not my choice. as soon as i displayed weakness he was gone-at least that’s how it seemed. he couldn’t take the fact that i never know how my day will be or that i might not be able to do something on the spur of the moment….i guess he thought i was giving in🙁

[lbenmaor]

I understand how you feel. I can say how lucky he was to have you as a friend.😀

Leslie

[NorasMom]

Yes, sadly; people do that sometimes. I don't know if they think we're suddenly tainted, weak willed, or they just don't know how to cope with it, but it hurts nonetheless.

My own mother has a tendency to project worst-case scenarios onto every topic, so I've had to squash her many times when she starts talking about how I need to plan my funeral or move into a nursing home RIGHT NOW. She has trouble grasping that we don't know how my MS is going to progress, and in her mind the future is pointless. I deal with her because she's like this with everything, not just me, but it does get frustrating at times.

[HouseElfWon in reply to NorasMom]

i am blessed and i know that-it’s just sometimes I miss my friend😕

[HouseElfWon in reply to NorasMom]

i am really talkative today i guess-one thing i wish people knew was the amount of emotion that goes into dealing with each day and each and every thing….it’s as challenging as the physical*sigh*

[NorasMom in reply to HouseElfWon]

They don't understand the physical part of it, either. We move our bodies from infancy onward, and it's not until we can't do that anymore that we realize how much of our lives was just habit and second nature. Like, who really stops to think about every movement involved when you walk into the bathroom? There's turning the doorknob, opening the door, switching on the light....Until one day doing those things take an enormous amount of effort.

[HouseElfWon in reply to NorasMom]

that’s it exactly! how easy these moves once were. now everything has to be planned 😐

[falalalala in reply to NorasMom]

Well said!

[Stomper22 in reply to HouseElfWon]

hello. I’m new to the group just now. My dear brother was diagnosed about a month ago. I joined to understand what it’s like for him and to learn ways to help and support him. I’m sorry your friend left. Your words helped me. Thank you for being open about it.

[Greentime in reply to NorasMom]

It is good you are so understanding. I can't even imagine how frustrating it would be to deal with that sort of opinion. The future is not pointless!!!!!! 🤗

[NorasMom in reply to Greentime]

Trust me -- I sometimes roll my eyes when she says she's coming over for coffee, then I do a lot of ranting when she leaves. lol. But I've had almost 60 years of dealing with her, so I'm mostly able to tune her out. I frequently tell her that she was adopted, because she's not like anyone else in the family. 😁 (She has a near-identical twin.)

[Cwright170994]

If he's that fickle, he never saw you as a friend. I know it's a hard thing to come to terms with, but it's something you need to accept it for your mental health 🫂 find people who understand, and will be with you on both your good days and your bad days. I've cut ties with old friends who didn't understand, and my current friends are behind me every step of the way. My husband has been by my side, from just being a boyfriend and him not knowing I have MS 9 years ago, to finally marrying me last year. He laughed when he was saying "in sickness and in health," because he's already been doing that since the very start. I've made new friends since meeting him, all of whom understand when I'm on my bad days and can't do much.

[Biggums]

Greetings HouseELFWon. Glad to hear from you. Everyday is a gift . Good days and bad days go with MS. Any day you see is considered a good day. Some people without MS find it difficult to see or deal with. It's hard to see someone that's a fraction of themselves. The important part is to focus on yourself. If people are going to ride with you-great. Take your daily gift with a smile. No day is promised to any of us.

[goatgal]

Yes, people do pull away. Not because of us, or our illness but because of a flaw in their hearts.

[Amore55 in reply to goatgal]

So very well said.

[Xvettech in reply to Amore55]

Ditto

[Greentime]

I feel that some people just cannot handle it. They don't like to be around illness, perhaps because it makes them feel vulnerable. I understand this, but it hurts just the same. And then there are people who just look out for their own selves, their own needs. I let a couple like that go. True colours come shining through!

[Amore55]

All I can say is that YES, they do leave us sometimes.

[Xvettech]

I agree

[Brindisi1]

sometimes one door closes and another opens . we don't know our future . Be grateful, be positive and pray. Hope someone comes into your life that makes you smile.

[Tazmanian]

Sorry

[agate]

Sadly, this does happen. Some just aren't up to it. Maybe they're afraid that they themselves will become disabled and they just don't want to think about it at all.

One "friend" explained why he was backing off by saying, "I'm afraid you'll die on me."

Then there are friends who might shower you with attention for a while, and then suddenly they're gone. They might want to be kind to someone but then the novelty wears off.

I had a friend who vanished from my life after a couple of years. I learned from talking to her that she was also friends with a woman who had a severe neurological disorder--syringomyelia, I think. Maybe she decided to choose that other friend to be kind to instead.

Another friend popped back into my life after years of no contact and for a couple of years she appeared on Valentine's Day with a box of her "favorite things" which she thought I'd like--herbal tea, scented candles, etc. Then I learned that she'd made the acquaintance of someone else with MS, and I never heard from her again.

These may have been people who wanted to do something charitable and had to choose because they could do only so much. They mean well, really, and maybe we should be grateful that we had their friendship for as long as we did.

[GreatDanekids]

First, I'm so sorry that you are going through the hurt of him leaving, that's tough place to be in.

The older I get, the more I see that some people are meant to be in my life long term and others for just a short while. And if I'm honest, I have been a short term friend with others as well as a long term friend. It doesn't change the hurt or loss having that knowledge, but it makes me feel better somehow.

My husband has been amazing! When I finally got my diagnosis in 2008, he started off saying that it was OUR disease, not just mine. I was feeling guilty canceling things that we both looked forward to at the last minute, telling him to go without me. He finally went to a concert with a bunch of our friends one time and when he got home told me he would not go anywhere without me again, it's not the same.

When we go somewhere he keeps an eye on me and tells me it's time to go before I acknowledge that I'm getting fatigued or overwhelmed. My personality has always been to push thru things which doesn't work well anymore.

I will pray that the hurt you experienced will heal and that you will always have friends that understand what you go through on a daily basis. 🙏🙏🙏 And remember that you can always vent on here.🤗🤗🤗

[Girafflover]

people do leave because you’re sick. My husband left me for another woman. He’s sad. He can’t take all my MS problems. He told me it’s too hard to be with me when I can’t do a lot of things I used to do. He is a very selfish person. We were married 23 years. Of course I was depressed for a while but not anymore I forgive and don’t judge him

[Cutefreckles72]

Hi HouseElfWon, I am sorry you are going thru this. Friends come and go and sometimes they can be true and some cant. I don't have many friends but my husband is my best friend. He has been with me thru colon cancer and now MS. I was diagnosed with MS in 2019 and was walking and now I am in a power wheelchair. I told him to leave and he said no. Pray and someone will come and respect and honor you. Just believe.

[PSNuser]

Yeah I don’t keep up with any old friends either. They don’t want the burden and just want to live their lives. You can understand their viewpoint but it still sucks.